What man need to do to become a good husband? And what woman need to do to become a good wife?

I have recently heard a few phrases from a nowadays philosopher about his views on a "happy marriage", and until now I'm feeling a bit bothered about that. Mainly because I'm afraid he is tottaly right...and that worries me significantly.According to your life experience and wiseness, could you tell me if he is right or not?

He said:" A man , in order to become a good husband, must have no significant trait/quality. He must be a meek, tame one. Woman bear up good traits/quality in mistress ones. But a man shall be 'nothing' to marry. Regarding to woman, for a woman to be happy in a marriage, to be a good wife, she cannot have personality. Because a woman with strong personality is only for mistress, a wife with strong personality is unbearable."

PS: Please be as frank as you can be. This philosopher is known for saying politically incorrect saying, that most people would not have courage to admit it even by themselves. So use anonymous, but please only tell me the truth.

  • Yes , I could only bear simple and meek woman/man as a wife/husband
    22% (4)40% (2)26% (6)Vote
  • No, I couldn't bear simple and meek wife/husband
    78% (14)60% (3)74% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
People, I don't know if I were too much rigorous in the description but you don't need to make a essay with references to answer me. Just give me your impressions: in order to marry only a "lame" boy/girl fits the role for a happy marriage?
2nd Most Helpful: HarryStyles >>"In my opinion a good relationship needs respect, dialogue & empathy. "
3rd Most Helpful: CutestMommy >> Worth to read all her comments

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, my advice to you is that you and your wife MUST be loyal to each other. You should truly love each other for who you are. The philosopher was wrong. You fell for that person because of their personality. Not fully on their looks! In a relationship, no one should act as a robot and no one should act fake either. You should act the way you fell in love with that person. You can make your relationship as fun, unique, etc as you want as long as you and your partner are comfortable/ okay with it.

    Your relationship is a 'thing' between you and your partner. Do what you think is right. If you think some things wrong, maybe you could talk it out with your partner or something.

    That's what you guys are supposed to do. Help each other out, good or bad. Stay loyal to them and no matter what happens, hold on to them, help them and love them. :)

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    • "The philosopher was wrong. You fell for that person because of their personality. Not fully on their looks!" >> at any moment the philosopher haven`t talked about fallen in love, much less about looks.

      "You can make your relationship as fun..." >> as long as both are commited to make fun happens...besides that this requires quite of your own energy and disposition..we can not be happy and fun everytime you know...

      "That's what you guys are supposed to do. Help each other out, good or bad. Stay loyal to them and no matter what happens, hold on to them, help them and love them. :) " >> not only for guys but for girls too , even though what you say is so much day dreaming and immature...life is not all sunshine and rainbows

      In summary, sorry for taking you as an example but it seems that you and other girls here are more interested in preaching what you demand from men than trying to understand the issues that this philosopher brings about a "happy marriage"

Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 8

  • This is not a statement about men and women and what they need to be, as much as it is a statement about marriage and what it usually turns out to require of them.

    And I disagree. A marriage can last between people who are not tame and boring, if their strong personalities match. If they don't, the marriage falls apart.

    If people need to crush who they are to become marriage material, then they simply picked the wrong person. Which happens often, hence... This statement.

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    • I know what I'll look like at 60. I'll have no problems :)

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    • You are so naive when you say about "benefits" with a woman.,,,

      "You're emotional Capisce.
      I'm just honest responding to you. You're feeling threatened here for no reason. =/"
      Well...I rest my case.
      I

    • I'm naive?
      Oh thank you wise elder for those enlightening words of knowledge you so craved to share. ˇ.ˇ

  • Man need women to be tame and have no personality if those man are weak minded and don't want someone to challenge them in life. But they would prefer the traditional wife so that they can feel more like a man.

    Strong minded man want a woman that will contribute to the life in real terms, mentally, sexually, intellectually prefer women with personality who can speak for themselves, express their womanhood confidently and become their partner in life. A wife with personality is more desirable and lives life and not just becomes passive or tame.

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    • Yeah...So you are saying only weak minded men wants traditional women as wife? You should read carefully the philosopher`s statement again. It`s not about being unable to cope with challenge in life like conquer a strong personality woman...that`s why there are women for mistress, they are the ones that we men can conquer (sometimes succesfully) but we become tired with all that "challgene" to prove ourselves because of course we men like challenges but not until our death you know...we appreciate peace too and real meekness from a woman is always welcome.

      The woman with strong personality, in her extreme radical way, are "fallic woman".
      Do you know what means this expression? It means a woman with a fallo, penis, in symbolic way.It`s a term a bit common in psychology circles and nowadays popular common.
      That type of woman is even unbearable to have a long-term relationship, every man gives up, not because they are all weak (that is the way a phalic woman thinks about it)

  • In my opinion, his opinion is stupid. I think love, respect, honesty, dedication, loyalty, commitment and communication is better to have a happy marriage :)

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  • this philosopher's theory sucks!

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    • How many years are you married with the same person?

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    • wtf is that?

    • I mean the reason that you could not achieve success in your previous relationships was your choices. You have chosen guys who were not simple and meek, so those relationships were a failure to you.

      Now , your present boyfriend, says that "like your strong personality".
      Either: he is lying to be nice to you while you two are dating
      Or: he is bearing your strong personality , thus spending unnecessary energy and effort which could be canalized to success in other areas of his life (for example improving his skills at professional career). Everybody knows how difficult is to del with strong personality people all the day long. So living together with someone like that would be a lot tiring, even though it can be fun. But for me this "fun and laughs" does not bring so much benefits in long term goal in your life. All those fun are ephemeral, but your hard work at your job will bring more comfort and results.

  • You are posting a question like this on a forum where 90% of the users have socially progressive views and are from the Western world.

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    • I don't get it. This philosopher by the way is a western guy. And I don't intend to live in Japan, in future I will try to get a life on the West and i already known lots of western people personally as friends

    • ;) I'm not from the western world but am in the 90% and at times way beyond :D :D

  • I wanted to vote B!!

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    • Please tell me why. Do you think you can bear a stable relationship with a man full of alpha male traits? Better than that, do you think he will bear you until the end?

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    • I think you don't understand. Of course I always try to make my life easier eliminating (at least doing my best trying) the source of my problems.

      By the way i have just realized it;" Never stay with a alpha male, never never, that end with a divorce or something worse."">>so why you voted B if B represents alpha partners?

    • I think you will never understand me.

  • :( I have a extremely strong personality. I think this guy was just just anti marriage though?

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    • I don't know. He is married and he is about 50 years old. Maybe he knows what he is talking about...

  • I think that sounds boring. Us woman are not robots, and men shouldn't give up all to be with us.

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    • NEVAR! I will always live the player life! :)

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    • Sometimes I think life sucks... No matter how skillful we are, there are some problems with no properly good solutions... That depresses me...

    • Yes that is true. But that's why we have to have faith in the unknown. We have to understand that there are things beyond our control and that everything will work out the way it's intended. And hey, maybe you have to go through a few bad relationships, or maybe a lot, to get to find the one that's for you. And that's just fine, as long as you don't lose yourself in the process.

What Guys Said 8

  • This is absolutely false.

    to be a good husband, you must understand that your wife is your help-meet. You MUST respect her. You CANNOT view her as "Just your wife" she must be more. Not worshipped- respected, adored, and loved. Worthy to be protected, as she is yours, your mate, your best friend, and your lover.

    For her, she must remain the feminine creature he fell in love with. Her body is no longer hers- just like his body is no longer his- she should not make a habit of refusing him sex. She should do her part of the relationship, if they can exist with just his salary, then in my mind the traditional view of her duties should be expected.

    If he does not treat her with dignity, respect, love, and adoration, then it will be damned hard for her to want to do the things that are "expected". Likewise, if he does not pull his weight by working, then what respect can she have for him?

    Your questions assumes a static role and responsibility, as well as mindset. things are not static. Circumstances change. Remaining static with your spouse is usually a bad idea- if you were static with her when you were dating she'd likely have found another man before you married.

    no, it is about love, caring, concern, empathy- and most of all, understanding. She is not one of your bros, and she is NOT someone you marry to get the benefits of being married (I.E. a clean house and meals cooked for you) She is not an animal or livestock. She is a human being who needs love, and also to be understood by you. To have all of your earthly heart, do you understand?

    A good woman is to be treasured and adored above all other earthly things.

    Men forget this to their peril.

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    • I can clearly see in your speech a bit of theology of marriage. But that doesn't clarify my doubts yet. It's exactly as you said in order to get a long until death marriage. But for loving, caring and treasuring his wife, a man should not be a "alpha male" (or man with lots of traits/qualities). A man should be meek in order to do his role as a husband.

    • Well put! XD You are on the road to wisdom my friend. An alpha male cares little for his spouse outside of the bedroom. To him she is little more than warm meat that does chores around the house. Many of my friends are alpha males. I can see the misery it has brought them. But I am no beta male. I put up with very little. I maintain my dignity, and I carry a.45.

    • Well i'm confused. You said it is absolutely false but now you agree to what I said?

  • 1. This 'philosopher' is not just politically incorrect but also COMPLETELY in tangent with facts
    2. Even if a woman likes a cuckold or submissive guy it's probably only for the sexual aspect. Otherwise she'd want a fair partner even if he's not dominating or the 'incharge' types
    3. Men on the other hand are a little more confused lot than women (I hope there aren't any whiplashes on this lol). Most of us say we want a strong personality but we define 'strength' of her personality as in 'being in my control' to feed the male ego (nothing wrong actually it's only a natural trait but needs control)
    4. There are men that like submissive women too but guess only in bed and sex. Otherwise they'd want someone with some spine and thought process who they are sure can care for themselves and thus not be clingy etc. However, there are those lot of men who are outwardly 'macho' but inwardly 'an insecure little kid' who want to control every aspect of the woman to suit their needs.
    5. All these are about general aspects and there are exceptions to every rule :)
    6. End of the day what matters is being understanding to each other, their needs & requirements apart from great chemistry :)
    7. The statement 'Women with strong personality are only for mistress' defines and proves the latter part of point 4 above :)

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    • 1- You mean he is totally wrong? i couldn`t get it
      2- I didn`t get that too and I don

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    • 1. Yes he's in tangent means he's not in touch with certain facts fro sure - fixated thinking
      2. That is my perception AND experience you / anyone is / are free to have yours / theirs :)
      6. Being simple, happiness etc are a state of mind again perception :) and nothing to do with womanizing :)

    • Don't want to be rude with you but your points are completely in tangent of what the philosopher intended to mean, they neither effectively attack nor defend his opinion.

  • In my opinion a good relationship needs respect, dialogue & empathy. You need to be able to have a serious talk about problems & issues - but equally there needs to be the respect to avoid these issues prior to them arising.

    For instance, I would never get with a girl who wanted a man to be her gynecologist - sure his hands may be soft & he may be great with the small talk, but it's an issue of respect. The sort of girl who puts the fingers of some male gynecologist before our relationship is not the type for me.
    - equally, if my future partner had an issue say with a girl at work being a bit too flirty, out of respect I'd try to avoid her...

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    • That`s a good answer. But this need for respect, dialogue and empathy means someone needs to become "meek" with "no personality" in order to concede in the dialogue negotiation don`t you agree? For example, you should deny yourself even a simple chat with a flirty girl in the work for the sake of your partner, even when you are not interested in the girl of the work, but just a friendly chat.

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    • It's not a question of weakness, it's a question of respect. I'm an alpha male but I'd still be loyal... what's the point in having a relationship if neither of you have any true loyalty to the other?

      Equally there are strong men who have no problem if their partner were the type to want a man be her gynecologist... they simply are in a near-open relationship.

    • I haven`t stated about your "alphaness" but about the wife`s "alphaness".It seems you prefer meeker ones than the opposite ones, isn`t it?
      Well...it seems that at least one of them needs to be dominant for a marriage to work, but in this case the wife will have a disadvantage if the man continues behaving as alpha man, even though he is loyal.

  • Hmmmm... I think it's true for the most part but people are just trying to be politically correct because they believe in that fool notion called "equality"

    anyways, a good wife should always be submissive to a husband in MOST circumstances. Just look at cultures like India and East Asia. I'm sure divorce rates are much lower than in America

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    • In Japan the divorce rate are not that low. But in AVERAGE, Eastern Asian countries have lower divorce rates than in Western Countries, mainly european countries. For sure feminsm helped a lot to increase divorce rates in Japan and other Asian countries.

      Nevertheless, don`t you think husband should become meek to maintain marriage? After all if the woman is really oppresed at home (not femist biased oppresion) than she will ask for divorce eventually.

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    • Alright, sure then. I usually associate meek with small and helpless animals. Hmmm... I guess you're right

    • By the way, now I'm curious to know who is the girl who voted positive to you after you told stuff like "a good wife should always be submissive to her husband"

  • A marriage is pointless if it's not to enforce the MUTUAL BOND of two people who choose to enforce their bond because of MUTUAL POSITIVE EVALUATION AS PERSONS. This question lacks "human"ness. It is completely deprived of social values, the worth of a person. I'm disappointed.

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  • All you need is to be what the other person really wants.

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    • In other words, do you agree with him right? We must become meek man to have a marriage... This is so depressing...

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    • N.oblige: u will want to get married when u find the right girl for u. It will hit u like a ton of bricks!

    • Or it will hit him like a 20 year old bubble butt, when he's well in his fifties and alone after a lifetime of whoring. xD

  • understanding each other

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    • we even don`t fully comprehend ourselves, how can we succesfully understand each other? We will never be able to understand ourselves, even more understanding another person. Unless we become meek to our partner so at least we can pretend we understand each other.

  • What "philosopher" are you referring to? That's the silliest thing I've heard in a long time. A husband must have no significant trait/quality and be meek? A wife must have no personality? Nonsense.

    I will, however, say that usually two dominant personalities will not get along well. A happy marriage is usually between one dominant and one submissive. Usually, but not always, the man is the dom and the woman is the sub. That's just human nature. Most women are attractive to strong, confident, dominant men.

    To be clear, dominant doesn't necessarily mean a domineering. A husband can be dominant and still treat his women with respect and as an equal, and a wife can be submissive and still be a confident, strong woman with tons of personality.

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    • Yeah most of marriages are like that. In fact not only marriages but most of couple relationships are like that. Pope John Paul II said extensively about that in a theological point of view in his "Theology of the body". But this nature of relationship is not ideal, is flawed. Because the submissive part will always suffer more than the dominant counterpart.
      Maybe the dominant man can treat his wife with respect, but not as equal, otherwise he would not be dominant. So for a woman to live together with a guy like that she should bear up a lot of stuff. Or the dominant man can continue becoming dominant but in a slightly way and for that, he should give away some traits of "alphaness", as CutestMommy confessed in her comment when she said about her sister`s husband after 10 years of marriage.

      In summary, that statement seems nonsense at first glance, but if you think better according to reality, to succesful marriage couple who had never divorced before...

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    • It`s morally flawed, if we analyse it in a rigid point of view. Because Love by its concept does not suppose to have one who dominates another one. Becoming a leader it`s different from dominating. You can be a meek leader to your wife.
      Besides that you said, "there will be all kinds of problems". Of course, if you think relationship works in that "logic of dominance"! It`s a fight where one should always try to maintaining control over the another one! Even if you maintain your dominance position, there will be problems originated by that, for example, her inner suffering.But ideal love and marriage does not suppose that. Maybe it`s too much ideal though...Maybe true Love is too much ideal...because Love is giving, not receiving, Love is abnegating one self for the sake of the loved one, Love is self-sacrifice and not self-gain..

      Nevertheless...you should think more about it. Read CutestMommy`s comments firstly and reflect deeply. It does not defy reality, it confirms reality.

    • LOL...good luck with that.

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