Just cold feet?

My boyfriend and I have been together and living together for three years. Last year he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Since then everything was fine until about a week ago. He says that he feels that he's not ready to get married, not ready to put a date down to get married, and "even though he loves me" doesn't know if he still wants to be with me. I have asked him several times if he wants to be single and he can't make a decision. He says he wants the single life because he can do what he wants (ie. hanging out with his friends.) but I let him do it anyway as long as I get a call letting me know where he is which he's fine with. He goes back and forth between wanting to be with me and wanting to be single. After all the plans we've made for our wedding and our marriage why is he having these thoughts now?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have to agree with Doasia. I was engaged too, right out of college and when things started to become "real" (he wanted to move in together) I freaked out. I think I got caught up in being in love and didn't really take the time to figure out if I was ready for marriage. The one extreme of marriage on one hand compelled me to do a complete 180 and go the opposite extreme of being single. This is just me, but you definitely need to talk to your fiance, openly and honestly and do what is best for both of you if you don't want to lose him.

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What Guys Said 1

  • All guys and girls get cold feet to a degree. But at least he is vocal with you now before the wedding, cause it would suck if he did this at the altar. Whats weird is that HE asked you to marry him. Did you pressure him at all? Did you give him any reason to provoke his "cold feet" behavior? I understand your confusion. He asked you to marry him and now tells you that he wants the single life. He's about as confusing as a woman. An evil thing to do is let him get you pregant, but you don't want to force the marriage, right? If you are too impatient, give him an ultimatum. Or just agree with him and do reverse psychology

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ack! I was engaged for 6 months and backed out a few months before the date. It's hard to say what clicks in a person to trigger doubt, for me it was cheating. I realized if I could cheat on him, I wasn't ready to marry him. I'm NOT saying that's the case here, but anything could have triggered it. The important thing is that he was honest about it before you made a commitment he would have resented you for. It sucks now, but you'll be better off.

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  • Sounds like he initially wanted to marry you and now he's changed his mind. It also sounds to me that he could be cheating on you. Maybe he wants the benefits of being with you but doesn't want any commitment so he can still see whoever he wants on the side.

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