How would you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted you both to have fertility checks before getting married?

I love my girlfriend very much. We’re both on the same page on everything really. We have the same views on work, children, everything. We want to spend the rest of our lives together. She understands that I’ll probably be proposing in the next few months.

There is one topic that I haven’t discussed with her though. Fertility. I want to have my fertility and hers checked out, since neither of us has ever been tested before. I’m not sure that I would be happy with any of the alternatives (adoption, egg/sperm donation, etc) if one or both of us are actually infertile. I want any babies we have to be a true mix of both of us.

  • I’ve had this idea too. I’d want to do it.
    24% (4)17% (1)22% (5)Vote
  • It’s not an idea I’d have myself, but I’m happy to do it if he/she wants.
    29% (5)33% (2)30% (7)Vote
  • Not exactly happy about it, but I’d do it for him/her.
    18% (3)17% (1)17% (4)Vote
  • I’d be seriously upset.
    24% (4)0% (0)17% (4)Vote
  • I definitely don’t want to make any children anyway, whether or not I’m fertile.
    5% (1)33% (2)14% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd rather him ask me prior to marriage than once married! I don't think anything is wrong with it considering it's sort of a huge decision and commitment to have children.

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What Girls Said 11

  • I'd be upset that he'd actually consider leaving me if I'm infertile. But I'd still do it. Women in my family are extremely fertile, so I'm not worried about the results.

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    • Would that be lasting upset? Or temporary upset? I've had girls I've been in love with in the past ask me for STD tests before sleeping with me; so I'm not easily offended

    • That's slightly different. Requesting an STD test before having sex is a really smart thing to do. I think him asking me for the test would be a temporary upset, but the way he acts after the tests would potentially make me lasting upset.

  • I would be mad because he should love me no matter what if he's going to marry me and if I can't produce children he should be there to support me through it and it should be something we should get through together. It's not my fault if I can't reproduce, it's a crappy thing to not marry someone over.

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  • Being infertile is one of my biggest fears. If my partner couldn't I would consider a donater, as long as I can have my own babies I'm okay

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  • I think you should bring it up with her if you're really willing to leave her if she has some sort of problem, she may take that information and want to get far the fuck away from you, and she should be given the opportunity to do so. That's not how marriage works, if a problem like that comes up, healthy couples will have to get through it together. I say definitely tell her, so she can decide if she wants to be with someone who would consider leaving her for something out of her control.

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    • "That's not how marriage works". Perhaps not for most people. But most marriages end in divorce, so...

      Marriage is a major decision that requires a lot of thought. Not being able to have children is a major problem, not a trivial one. And, if there's a major potential problem that you can actually sort out prior to marriage, I think you owe it yourself and your partner to do so. There's no point in burying one's head in the sand.

      "so she can decide if she wants to be with someone who would consider leaving her for something out of her control." People reject each other all the time for things out of their control. I'm sure, for example, you have looks-related standards (other than merely weight and style). Almost everyone does. I certainly do.

    • Alright and I acknowledged that, she should be able to choose if she wants to be with someone like that or not.

  • So, can you leave each one another if one of you come back sterile?

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    • I honestly don't know what I'd do. But I'd rather encounter that problem while we're still unmarried rather than when we are married.

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    • I understand what you are saying. I would most likely do it, but that would be how i would feel, and it would put a stain on the relationship, because i would have to rethink the relationship.

    • An option would be artificial insemination if the eggs and sperm are all good.

  • You should get it check because also you can see if her egg accepts your sperms and if it does is there any side effects present etc etc. Whatever is best for the baby

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  • I would be like wtf! You dont accept me! I would probably end up doing it.

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  • Great idea, and it clearly shows that you like to prepare for both of your future lives together. When you find out sooner than later, there are more options towards having your own children. More people should also think about STD tests before having sex with a partner, but I guess it's a much more touchy subject to start off with.

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  • It sounds like you aren't as serious about marriage then. Marriage is about sticking together through thick and think the choice to be together no matter what.
    You sound like even though you want to be sure beforehand, that's not quite how it works, and how do you know she wouldn't miscarriage each time? You can't just test drive love, there will be serious things that do not go the way you want them to in marriage. Very serious things, like children. You can't back out when the going gets tough, checking off a checklist beforehand isn't quite the way to go about it either, though you may think it is, it's not the point.

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    • "Very serious things, like children. You can't back out when the going gets tough," That's why it's important to think hard and check things out before making the important decision to get married.

  • Well I don't want children, but any guy would know that before we got too serious. However, I don't think it's too much to ask just to check. If you both want to get married someday and have children, then why not? However I don't believe that if one of you is infertile you should just break up. Even though you said you want it to be a mix of the two of you, if you love your partner enough you should be able to love each other enough to talk about adoption or other alternatives.

    I just see the testing as a way to save yourself from stress. I could be biased on my opinion but I just remember my aunt and uncle going through the same thing. They couldn't get pregnant, sex became a chore, and they were fighting a lot. I guess it turned out that there was something about her eggs that didn't work. So in the end they adopted my cousins who they love as their own children anyway. They just both wish that they had checked in the first place when they realized there were problems. So I can understand wanting to do a fertility test. I just don't think you should completely rule out the other options.

    However, I really don't think you two will have a problem and you are just worrying over nothing.

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  • Obviously you shouldn't have kids period... This may seem harsh but if you really love the person you are going to marry whether or not she can make you kids shouldn't be the problem about marriage it should be hey do I love her. And if you want kids so bad I do understand that adopting isn't as fulfilling as making your own child but holly fuck reading some of the reply you wrote about not being able to love them as much... Yea don't have kids

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    • It's true for a lot of people, with a lot of scientific evidence to back it up. Humans are basically programmed to love their own children more.

    • Yea I agree but its not so much of a stretch that its impossible to love an abandoned child or someone you have raised like your own especially if you've had them since their birth

What Guys Said 8

  • It seems like a weird idea (and an expensive one!) to me, but I guess can see the logic in it if you've got your heart entirely set on having kids.

    Have either of you experienced any reproductive issues in the past? Because barring that, aren't issues of infertility (especially at such a young age) incredibly rare?

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    • I've checked and it's pretty cheap.

      We've also had sex with a condom and/or with pills, so I wouldn't know whether we have reproductive issues.

      Infertility seems to be an icnreasing problem though.

    • *We've always had sex...

    • Fair enough. If it's something that's incredibly important to you then you should go for it if that's what you guys want to do.

  • Seem like a valid request to me.

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  • I'd be like, "Wtf?"

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  • Adoption makes you a good human being.

    Just FYI.

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    • I don't think it's for me.

  • I'd be upset. So you'd dump her if she's infertile?

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    • I don't know.

    • You've got to figure out, somehow. If you would, which I find unreasonable but can't do anything about it, then get those checks done; if you wouldn't, don't do it and find out later.

      Are you willing to just live your life, without having kids?

    • No I really want kids.

  • In your case, makes sense.

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  • Men are quite rarely infertile right?

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  • what if both partners can't have children?

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    • I don't think I could adopt. Raising children is tough. I don't think I could muster the amount of love necessary to do a good job.

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    • well I hope if having children is something you want that you both have healthy kids.

    • Thanks

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