19 years old, about to marry a 28-year old, confused!, please help?

I'm 19 years old, and my parents are going to marry me off to a 28-year old guy, who, I found out, also didn't have a say in the matter. I had planned to protest, but when I met the guy I really liked him. He was attractive, and pleasant, and now, I'm confused. Also, it turns out that a couple of cousins in his family had planned to be married to him, but he rejected them, so should I expect hostility from them, since in my culture, families are quite close. Is it wrong that I suddenly really like him, or is the feeling superficial? Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • well, sister it is a hot topic and an important one in today's life,

    the arranged marriage has some benefits and some flaws and these depend on how people see it and what factors are taken into consideration.

    our parents, who have faced more tough problems and times, and know what type of guys exist in the world, and what are best for their daughters, they want their daughters in good hands, to be cared, loved, looked after, and she taking care for him and his family.

    if we don't like the person one should reject, as its your life at stake, not your parents, or anyone else s thoughts. also in Islam it is a right of a girl to reject a guy if she doesn't like him.

    you should not just go for looks, that's what happen a lot today and later results in divorce, you should look at his character, his habits, his thinking, how he treats someone lower to him, like waiters, beggars, how he treats his parents, guys who are more successful than him. his way of looking at you, and what he believes in, also you should look at his moral standards, and how he views his faith. you should arrange an activity with his family to see how they behave.

    and brace your self, you will get all anti arranged marriage opinions. i saw your profile and i know you are from same origin as i am. and i do understand how the situation is.

    will be more than willing to help you.

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    • He is moderately religious just like I am, doesn't drink, is soft-spoken and I found him charming.

    • Show All
    • Okay, so we had breakfast at their house, and I went into his room, and the place is full of books on political leaders, and history, and the walls are fullof posters of Imran Khan (you probably don't know who he is), and one of his sisters said that he is a neat-freak. Can someone please tell me wether I should be scared of his cousins, they're older than me and their families are close.

    • i think we should talk little privately as we are discussing some one and i don't want his info to be publicly available.

What Guys Said 10

  • I personally think arranged marriage is a complete abuse of a persons free will and don't agree with it , it's not part of my culture so I could be ignorant and there might be some positives I just don't like the idea.
    Having said that I know how serious it is and how much trouble it can cause, if you actually like the guy I guess you got really lucky, if it was me I'd go along with it to make everyone happy as you are attracted to him and think he's a decent partner.

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  • I don't necessarily think the feeling is superficial. I'd assume before this marriage was arranged to happen, the two of you spent at least a little time together, getting to know each other.

    I'm not saying you should or shouldn't get married. But if you're getting along with him, and enjoying time with him, and he can say the same thing about you, I'd say that's a good thing.

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  • For the record: The vast majority of all marriages in the world is still arranged marriages and that is most likely never going to change (especially since the Western system in general is decaying).

    I think it can work out, given the two of you really understand each other and are willing to make it work. The main problem over there is, that, since there's no way to get divorced (at least not an easy one and even harder for women), many men just take their wives for granted.

    I have a few friends who live in arranged marriages, men and women, and most of them work pretty well. But the people involved there are rather open minded and really care for each other.

    I can't tell you what to do. You know the circumstances and the culture there better than I do.

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  • Another goat going to get slaughtered.. I think you should do a thorough research about the guy like everything you can gather cause facial attraction can be temporary.. What you should look is for his character cause one of my friend's sister got married to a graduate of yale and a really sweet guy.. I mean he apparently looked shareef :p but turned out he is the biggest A-Hole.. So marriage is a big big decision that you shouldn't just let your parents take it for you cause its your life and its you who is going to live with the guy in the near future plus keep praying :)

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  • So what happened? Tell me more about your family (parents) and your life. I am Indian (dont live here), know who Imran Khan is lol ( I actually saw him @ Pali hill... while I was sight-seeing)... and might be able to help.

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  • Take the answers you'll receive with a grain of salt. We come from different cultures, that have completely different norms. Hence, it isn't easy for me to chime in. You say you really liked him, why not give it a chance?

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  • Its sad what the caste system is :(

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  • if you're arabic, and i think you are, just go with it

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  • No its not wrong to so suddenly like him. Go with your gut on the matter.

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  • What is this, the 1500s?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well marriage is a pretty big deal, so if you really do want to fully make your own decisions about it, then please do. However, if you like the guy, and you get to know him and want to go ahead with the wedding, do it! I mean you shouldn't apologize for suddenly liking a guy and that may be a good foundation for your marriage if you like him. Also, I wouldn't worry about the cousins. Just don't eat their food lol.

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    • I'm getting married day after tomorrow. Our parents had already decided this a few months back.

    • Well I wish you good luck with whatever you do.

  • If you like him go ahead with it, it's not your fault he rejected those cousins.. That's what I think! ^_^

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  • An arranged marriage? Wtf, it's 2014 people !!

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