I've been married 5 years and I need some advice!?

Me and my husband have been married for over 5 years. He used to bring home cards abs flowers at random, send me songs dedicated to me, come home and scoop me up and kiss me like I meant the world. He would text or call when he could, the perfect husband as far as paying me attention anyways. Now he does none of this. I've barely seen him because he's been busy at work and this past weekend he finally got days off. He spent most of his time away from me. I've told him before it bothers me and I would just really appreciate occasionally getting some attention or a note, anything, just at random because he cars out he's thinking about me, but since I've brought it up (over 6 months ago)... NOTHING. I would even love for him to just take me out... fast food anything! How do I make him see he's losing me before it's too late. I really do love him, but he's nowhere near who I married!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Women are from earth. Men are from earth. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to manipulate you into sucking out your husband's soul and destroying your family.
    Your husband shares his resources and his space with you. That means he loves you. The other things we share with women we love are time and experiences, and this is where you are having difficulties. If you order him to spend more time with him or punish him for failing to do so (as ALL of those chick books will tell you to do) he will (rightly) feel like you don't appreciate him for working.
    I strongly suspect that 18 hr days of pool installation wasn't exactly how he always wanted to spend his life, and that he does this to give your kids a good upbringing and try to have something left for you not to be broke after he dies. Maybe not, but that's most guys I know.
    A man will go where he is needed. Let him know what you need him for at home. He (i'm speculating here, but not without reason) wants to be the head of your family, and feels he has earned that. Haven't you earned the right to follow his lead, and to feel secure in the knowledge that he holds himself responsible for your family? Don't you need him at home to father your children and chart out your lives together?
    Let him know he is needed at home. Leave it to him to decide if he's worked too much or been away from home too much. When he sees that you need him, you will win him over without having to argue about it.

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    • Thanks for your advice! I'm going to try thus and see where it goes. I've just talked to him and let him know it's bothering me so far. I don't dothe punishment thing because it just hurts both parties in a relationship! I want sure how to communicate it to him to get him to understand. He took a new job to be home more but since then, he hasn't been home anymore. He's been off running the roads.

    • I wish I could tell you something about how to communicate these things. I don't think using the words "I need" more often is the trick, but I'm a childless, never married man who drinks bourbon, smokes, and laughs at dead baby jokes. What could I know about it? You, on the other hand, seem like a nice lady, and I think you'll figure it out. However, if you go looking for pointers, I'd suggest you only listen to women who have been married for a very long time.

    • Well you would think you one him by your first reply, and you gave me a different way to approach it so, thank you!

What Guys Said 6

  • It sounds like you want to force him to be the old person, but you can't do that. You can tell him you have an issue which you've done but you can't force him. It sounds like he's not that happy in the relationship. If it's any consulation, I can remind you this is very normal and much more common than not only marriages that don't break up but the rare ones where they actually stay together while happy as well

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  • He needs to quit his job if he's that busy. I mean how long is he at home? Are you working when he's home?

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    • He was leaving at 5 am and getting home around 11 pm. It's during the summers that he works that much as he does swimming pool installation. I'm at home with our kids right now only doing volunteer EMT work. I finished school about 3 months ago.

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    • I want to do something but he's never "free"

    • That's the problem. He should be free.

  • You are married. You want to be equal partners, right? Then you take him out.

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    • I always get blown off. Any other ideas?

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    • I wish he would :-(

    • You need to go yourself.

  • U can say he's become bored and tired of it. Sumthing u do everyday, u will eventually become bored of it.
    Juz make sure he isn't hiding anyone behind the scene.

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    • But how do I make it more exciting for him? I've kinda worried about the last thing because of how he's been acting.

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    • He hasn't stopped being intimate, just the romantic part which he used to always do andthe time I do get is for sex.

    • Juz keep observing his behaviours if there's anything strange in him compare to before. If sumthings change, u will know whats up cuz he's not resuming his normal routine..

  • Your over reacting. It's been 5 years!! Give the man a break. U don't leave someone because u r not getting attention, that's childish. U married him n made a commitment. Honor it!!!

    Learn to talk about how u feel, but that's hard to do all that stuff for so many years. I think u just like the attention but if he's been busy at work maybe it's time u give him some attention.

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    • I leave him notes, have his clothes ready when he gets home, his plate made, Carter to his every need, he had nothing he had to do at this house and all I want is some attention instead of him running to his friends' the first chance he gets. I've said something about it to him before but he just acts like he could care less. He also pledged to cherish me but he isn't doing that either!

  • Have you been talking with other men?

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    • Not really, nothing more than normal. Just whoever at work (which we're so busy when I'm there we only talk about patients at hand, no personal talk) and our mutual friends (which are all married or in a committed relationship and usually only in a group situation.).

What Girls Said 3

  • Remember, marriage is the first step towards divorce... lol, just joking but seriously, marriage is a lot of work and it sounds like you need to sit down and ask him what's going on. Tell him it's serious and you need to work things out. Be open to hearing his issues and criticism without getting crazy. Everything he is doing indicates that there is something that's bothering him but he's avoiding dealing with it.

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  • Is it sex? Try having more sex with him, if you haven't.

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    • No sex isn't an issue. That's the ONLY attention I get unless he needs something.

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    • Think he's having an affair?

    • I have things that make me think he might be, but that is if he was the average man. The more I think, I have a very loyal man he's just not giving me the same attention I'm used to.

  • read men are from mars women are from venus.

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    • What's the author on that? Do you know?

    • john gray it's all about these things

    • Thanks!

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