He does not want to marry me?

I hope you can help me. I have been dating this guy for two years, he is twenty eight, I am twenty seven. about four months into the relationship, I decided to ask him if he had plans of getting married anytime soon say in two years, he told me that marriage was not in his plans for now, that he had a lot to accomplish before that. I now decided to push further by asking him, if he ever felt I would be that person when the time finally came, and he said he did not know. I continued dating him, and after our first year anniversary, I brought up the marriage issue again,. This time, he told me he loved me with his whole soul and mind, but did not know if he wanted to marry me. I decided to call it quits and he said it was okay, that he would be selfish by keeping me back, when he knew he had no plans for me for the future. unfortunately, I started believing in my head that maybe if we dated longer, he would one day decide to love me more and decide he wants to marry me. so I begged him that we should come back, which we did, and its two years now. I decided to bring it up again, and he says the same thing. That he knows I would make a good wife for him, but he is not ready to make that decision, he doesn't know when he would be ready to, and that he feels very selfish that he has been dating me all this while. But he does not want to break up with me, he just wants me to know where he stands. mHe only wants a relationship, nothing more.

I feel very bad, I decided to call it quits after he said all that, but deep inside me, I still love him. that tiny voice is still telling me to go back, I am confused. I don't want to waste more time on someone who doesn't feel I am good enough. one part of me is hoping that the break up would make him realize how much he needs me, another part wants to keep dating him till I meet someone else, but we are so close that I would never have the time to go on dates. What kind of person loves a girl so much but wants her to marry someone else? I do everything for this guy, clean , wash, iron, make food and take to him at work, in fact, I act like a wife already. help him set appointments, send his mails, etc

I also found out that his ex left him for this same reason

Updates:
Despite all the advice, I stayed back. Until I stumbled upon a mail from him to his friend saying he wished he had stuck to his ex girlfriend (who left him for the same reason) That he would have married her without anything

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Most Helpful Girl

  • First, I can say a guy needs certain things in place in his life to want to marry. He needs to be ready. Typically this means he needs to have his life and career in a place where he feels like he can be a husband. My ex-husband and I broke up after 2 years of living together because we were going to get married and then he decided he wasn't ready. Well, he had gone back to college to start a new career and I did not understand that a man will not marry if he doesn't see himself as ready to support the family, even if there is no family to support (in other words I worked too and we had no children). So, we did end up back together after 6 months and we did marry after he finished college and got his first good job.

    However, if that is not the situation here, he may simply never want to marry you. First, he has all the benefits of being married without doing it. Second, you had to beg him to get back together and he let you go a 2nd time. I would have to say that you have made the best decision to leave him. I don't think he truly appreciates you as someone he cannot do without. If he did, he would not let this happen again. Unfortunately you can show him that you would be a great wife but if his heart is not in it, he will not marry you. It is hard but you need to make yourself available for someone who will treasure you as the one for them.

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What Guys Said 1

  • HE WILL NEVER MARRY YOU

    Sorry, but wanted that to sink in. He has admitted multiple times that he will NEVER marry you. There really is nothing to debate about. You're the one that keeps stringing yourself along.

    I know you WANT to think there is hope that you can change him and he will marry you, but it's not going to happen. He's not going to change.

    You need to move on and find someone else. There are so many other people out there, people that would be more than happy to get married to you.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Wow, this is deep.. I would say that some guys just aren't ready because they probably don't really know what's gunna happen when they get married to someone.. Like, they don't know how their life might turn out, and if they are making the wrong choice.. My friend was dating this girl for 6 years and never asked her to marry him, nd then when I sat him down and talked to him, he said that he wasn't sure how his life would end up, because of tha responsibilities it comes with... And then there are some guys who know that their life is gunna end up right with tha woman they love.. But I think its just that he doesn't know what to do, and he's just not ready yet I dnt think.. So don't feel bad, it's just that he needs time to think about things.. And some guys take longer than others to figure things out.. I've been there.. And then finally when I got engaged, I ha to call it quits cause I felt like he still wasn't ready.. And then I felt super bad because tha next year he passed.. But just don't take it personal, its just something he has to think through..

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  • I know exactly how you feel. I just broke up with my ex because he NEVER wanted marriage with anyone.Then sometimes he would say "MAYBE I WILL WHEN IM OLDER". But shoot I'm not gonna stick around waiting and hoping he MIGHT marry me. It is still hard and yes I miss him but if he and I are going two different places in life and want completely different things then why continue when its going nowhere. I never thought I had a magic vagina or that if I was the best girlfriend I could be he would eventually wanna marry me. That is what you need to realize. You aren't gonna change him. He is set in his ways and that's the way it is. Accept it and move on. Someone out there will wanna marry you. My ex and I got along great he was good to my kids, was a doll for the most part but the big things in life we didn't agree on. You must move on. You made the right choice in leaving, you can't wait around for him to change his mind cause he WONT. I know its hard I'm going through the same exact thing, so if you need to chat hit me up.

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  • Stay out of the relationship with him. He's telling you already that he's not going to marry you. He's not lying to you and making you believe he will. Maybe he does love you, but not enough for marriage. Or maybe he never intends on getting married ever or he's just too immature. Either way, listen to him when he says he's not going to marry you. Even if you love him, you know what you want. You want to get married. If he's not willing to give you that, there's no point in staying. You'll never be completely happy with him.

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  • Hi, so tell me what happened after all? Did you get back together or did both of you go his own life? I am in the same situation right now. That is the reason, why I am interested.

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    • We re getting married at the end of this year! he has taken me to meet his parents. Its a whole long story but it was worth it. I prayed and prayed and it was like a 180 degrees turn! he is so excited about getting married now! you can send me a personal message for details

  • I say just move on. If he doesn't love you enough to marry you- there is something wrong. sorry.

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  • He will never marry you. Sorry

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