Asking girlfriends father for permission to marry her? What are your thoughts?

I heard a few on my girl friends talking today and they collectively agreed that if a guy asked for their fathers permission to marry, they would dump him on the spot because they're not an 'object'. I think that is ridiculous. It's the reason I hate feminist crap like that. For me, it's not about her being an object, it's a sign of respect to her father.

Although asking her father would be more traditional, I would be open to asking her parents (both) for permission. Excluding extenuating circumstances (e. g. orphaned), I would ask her at least one of her parents, period. That's just the type of man that I am.
What are your thoughts?

  • Ask her father for permission.
    47% (9)50% (5)48% (14)Vote
  • Ask her parents (mother and father) for permission.
    37% (7)20% (2)31% (9)Vote
  • Don't ask anyone.
    16% (3)30% (3)21% (6)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay so this is one instance where girls will say something they don't necessarily mean, like over-exaggerating to make a point. I doubt very much that your female friends would dump their fiances if they asked their parents permission first. Most people when looking at the situation rationally would understand that their boyfriend is wanting to make a good impression on their family, show respect, so that everyone accepts him. Because in proposing he's becoming a part of that family.

    But I understand where your friends are coming from too. The history of that tradition is based on women as objects, marriages being arranged. It's uncomfortable. At least for some women. And to you it might seem like feminist over reaction, but as a guy you don't understand how it can make you feel. Like how it affects your emotions and sense of self. These seemingly harmless traditions or notions tend to treat women like children. It can feel condescending to have someone ask your parents for permission to marry you. Because it's (obviously) not their decision. But look most of the time it depends largely on the girls relationship with her parents, and in particular her father. Which can be a touchy thing with some girls.

    Personally I'd prefer asking both parents and making sure it's more about asking to become a part of the family. Cause really that's what it's about.
    Because the only person who's answer actually matters should be mine. And the question itself should be for my ears only. I just think that's more romantic, i want to be the only person he'd want to ask.

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What Girls Said 16

  • I think it's quite a nice tradition and shows your serious.

    I get annoyed with girls like that. "You can't ask my dad for permission but he's gotta walk down the aisle and give me away".
    NO. The point is your potential husband asks your father for permission to marry you. The dad says yes and on the day he gives you away, he gave his permission for you to be taken.

    I would ask, absolute worse is he says no, you ask why, you get an honest reason back and you can talk. He may have more respect for you for arguing your case, might strengthen your relationship.

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  • I think it is a very old fashioned and outdated concept. For me it would not be a sign of respect. I am capable of making my own decisions and I don't care if my parents agree with them or not. And this is from someone that came from a very traditional background. I can maybe see a woman appreciating this if she is very close to her parents and needs their permission on how she should run her life.

    I know if my boyfriend asked my dad for permission to marry me he would say no. I know my parents expect me to bring a guy home first and get their permission for me to see him, even though I am 30 years old. But I don't agree with how my parents think... I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and still have not introduced him to my parents because I know they will not approve and try to take me away from him. But this is my decision, not theirs. I'm a grown woman and don't need someone else's approval of who I can and cannot be with.

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  • They would dump the guy over that? Wow. I think it is respectful but it's not necessary. I remember my fiance asked my dad first, but my dad was just like "I think you should be asking her instead!"

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  • Sounds old school in a nice way. Y'all are super young- maybe those girls will change their minds over time

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  • In my culture not only must the bf ask her parents for his gf hand, but his parents must also meet her parents sit down and discuss their plans and let the gf parents know they plan to marry. My sister recently got engaged and she had the same issue about feeling like an object. So she let my parents know he wasn't coming over to the house with his parents to ask for her hand, but to let them know out of respect that they are moving in together and getting married in the near future.

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  • I marked B, although I wouldn't call it "permission". I'd like it if the guy asked my parents if they welcome him into our family or some shit like that, if anything. If it makes him and them happy (and my parents would DEFINITELY love that, they're into all sorts of traditional stuff), I have no objections - long as he remembers that I'm my own woman and I have the final say in the matter.

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  • I think it's a nice gesture & shows you value her parent's feelings. I agree, I hate that feminist crap, live your life as you want, & never mind the haters.

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  • I would want a guy to ask my parents before even thinking about asking me. Mainly my dad because he'd freak and I wouldn't get married if my parents weren't both cool with it.

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  • How can we not involve our parents in such a big decision? For me, its unthinkable.

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  • I'm my own person, I don't belong to my parents. If my bf asked I'd dump him but I wouldn't date a guy like that anyways. My parents have nothing to do with my love life. I make my own decisions.

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  • I think you just have to gauge how her and her parents would feel about that.

    Like I feel like my parents would appreciate it if whatever guy I'm going to marry asked my dad first.
    And since I know that they'd feel that way, I'd be ok with you doing it.

    But like if she's really not close to her parents, or they're all just really forward thinking and non traditional, skip it

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  • I think its really sweet when guys ask the girls father! Although my husband never asked my daddy and my brother in law didn't ask for my sister either. My daddy would've been more than happy to tell him yes and my husband knows that. My daddy really likes my husband... now my sisters husband would've probably not have ended so well since my daddy hates him.

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  • I feel asking parents for 'permission' is unnecessary, wouldn't dump someone for it though, but would find it peculiar, but I feel this is more common is the USA, where I live it's not really heard of. My parents would probably find it odd, and they'd probably make a joke out of it.

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  • My sisters fiance took our parents out to dinner and asked them if he could marry her. They're both (sister and fiance) mid to late twenties, so they're not necessarily in that "old fashioned" bracket.

    I think people who get offended by it are ridiculous, the man is not insinuating that you're an object and that you're incapable of making your own decisions. I think it's one of the higher forms of respect you can pay to your significant other's parents, which IS important. It's very important to respect your elders.

    As far as the "women" saying that they are capable of making their own choices: well no shit! Your parents agreeing that it's OK for your fiance to ask you to marry him isn't a way of saying you HAVE to say yes, you ignoramuses. You still hold every friggin right to say no.

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  • My husband asked my dad and we had been together 8 years before we got married, it was just a show of respect. My husband did say he was still nervous as hell even thow he had know my dad for years.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Yeah I think they are overreacting and that sometimes feminists just look for reasons to be offended. So why not comprise? Instead of asking her father for PERMISSION to marry his daughter ask for his BLESSING (support). It would accomplish the same thing but doesn't have the same connotation as asking PERMISSION. Permission implies that her father gets the final say on who marrys her and that makes her feel like her father owns her, blessing just implies that you would appreciate his support or stamp of approval. So ask for his blessing that way you are still showing respect to her father and honoring tradition, without offending the girl and making her think like her father gets to decide who can marry her. I know it's stupid to make a bid deal about the wording but I think that is the issue here. It's a matter of principle/ phraseology.

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  • Traditionally, you asked the father first.

    I asked my (now) wife first, then asked for his blessing second.

    He said no, then yes but he wanted a pig in exchange.

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  • I think it's a matter of respect. Your female friends have been brainwashed. It shouldn't be surprising that marriage rates are getting lower and lower every year when they follow dumb feminist shit like that.

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  • It is ridiculous for women to dump a man if he ask their father. This is assuming the woman knows he will ask them also or have asked them already. I have two daughters and I always tell them that whomever you marry must love you at least as much as I love you. It's a high standard but the right one will love her just as much as I love her. This man and her will likely one day produce grandchildren for me. His character and his love for her mean everything to me as it should her.

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  • It's just an all around classy move. You can't go wrong. Will be a great bonding experience too.

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  • These girls are morons.

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  • It is custom

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  • You don't ask for their permission, but I do like that you're including the mother.

    I would say it's better to simply tell them, make sure they know you're not asking for their permission, but that you want them to know your intentions are good and honorable, and if they have any issues or concerns, you'd like to hear them now so you can assuage them.

    That way you can still have a grown up conversation with her parents, and you're not making her out to be property.

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