My house is like a military and I can't handle this anymore! Please advice guys and girls?

My husband is a officer at the military and he put rules to everything in the house even to our children! he force us to sleep early and wake up early and there's rules for food too even if he's not with us. I can't invite my friends at any time. the point is my children living in hell and he can't see that. i don't know how to discuss it with him or what to do. it's not like i don't love him but i want to change him. He's a good man and i really love him but i wish that i can change him for the best.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's High time you sit this Hitler down and have a long serious talk with him about how you feel, about his overbearing Gestapo ways, for if you Stand for this much longer, you will always be Stooping for whatever poop plans he decides to throw your way.
    You need to start taking some charge here yourself. You need to Now start being your own little boss a 'Straw boss' in fact, and show him that this 'Tyrannical tyrant' behavior has Got to stop.
    Many men in the military are like this. I have a cousin whose husband is in as well, and over the years, for they have kids as well, he has become a bit over the boundary big mouthed, and believe me, she has had to deal with him more than a few times. It even got to the point where he would become physical with her. That is when the line would be crossed, of course. He is Now in Anger Management classes.
    If the kids are 'Living in hell,' I would well imagine you are too. You have to grow a back bone, stand up to him, and if he refuses to 'Back' Down or even compromise in this family, give him his walking papers for awhile and take the kids somewhere so he can think things over and perhaps come to his stubborn senses.
    He has to know there is a new Sheriff in town... Stick to your guns.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you for letting me lend you my hand. sweetie... Stand your ground, Captain and man the ship... xx

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    • lol... Don't we all have One in our life somewhere? Look who is ruling our country... xx

    • Thanks, sweetie,,, Carry on... xxoo

What Guys Said 9

  • Such things are basic nature and probably he's seen more of it in the Military thus strengthening his beliefs more in discipline and being organized.

    The only thing that can change him is point of view of others that he tends to trust. Such people probably may trust professionals more than friends and family but won't agree to visit a professional if you tell them to do so.

    Such people also don't realize when they've gone from being organized and disciplined to autocracy and dictatorship. THIS compounds the problem more.

    I've had a pop who'd stepped beyond that limit and I know how it is. Though I'm a disciplined and process oriented person too, I've learnt to give people their freedom. I try to instill some discipline but if on repeated mentions it doesn't happen I just let it go ;-) everyone has a right and choice to freedom.

    I think the best chance you have is to make his mind think on it's own like probably watching videos and/or television programs that counsel and advise on similar behavior - about it's ill effects, describing the threshold etc. Even if he's not actively watching or reading this stuff even a few lines that he's heard or read may make his mind think on those terms. This is the best bet as far as I know.

    End of the day he's doing what he thinks is best for the family's future so he'll be open to changing BUT 'his mind' needs to start thinking first. Confronting him will only clam him up and he'll debate and grow worse.

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  • Welcome to the Military family. It was like this with me in my own family I love my parents and never had a problem with strict rules, it made me a good person. If your room is real messy you bet your bottom dollar it gets destroyed from head to toe then you have a real mess on your hands

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    • Are you in the military too?

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    • Klaatu51 Of course I love them, you have no Idea what they have done for me and how much they love me. I am the person today because of them. My room got tossed one time no big deal, they are always kind and loving we just had early bed time rules and we had to be doing something productive instead of sitting around watching TV all day yes we got TV time at night after dinner and there was no horse play with friends the kind where you get into trouble with adults in the community. After school when my dad was not on flying trips we worked in the yard together and I played sports as my parents were right there to support me. I could go on and on for hours how the family traveled together and had great unity and everything else.. I thank God for my parents Big Time. lol I thought Klaatu51 was talking to me I take it he was talking to the Asker, but I already said all my words so I am still leaving this here.

    • She said her and the children are miserable...

  • divorce this bastard simply

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  • I know what you mean! My dad was like that, he was away for 6 months, then he came back and it was "get up early! go to bed early! this/that!" I think he just had some urge he had to tell us what to do.

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  • Yes i can imagine your situation as my grandad was also in military and he gets so angry when rules are not followed according to him and he also focuses on sleeping early. So my advise is you should try to explain him that they r children and they have full rights to enjoy their life and if he they also takes no step then leave him for the sake of your children's future. And why u married a military guy?

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    • Because we love each other and he wasn't like this when he was just a solider. He's another one now, i mean we still love each other but i hate his rules.

    • Tell him that u have changed soo much and it is not good for me or my children... be frank with him.

  • I guess his militarism shouldn't work in home, say him to keep those rules and regulations to his work only. By the way I'm saying this because “I always break the rules, rules don't apply to me.” 😎 I hate rules...

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  • tell him to shape up or ship out there is no way in fucking hell would I live that way even if my dad was that way I tell him to go fuck himself

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  • The is a very tough thing to do. I am a military man myself and it is hard to tread that fine line between where the decipline ends and family life of the everyday civilian starts. Being in the combat, military environment your trainned to and conditioned into a particular mind frame and response mode. And to suppliment those things like the sleep early, wake early as well as food rationing is in place.

    How to get rid of it? It is going to be a tough road, no doubt about that. I have to constantly remind myself of where I am to stop noticing everything and enjoy myself and it is more than likely the same for him. Talk to him, tell him, and don't ask him to compromise, tell him you ALL can and will work through it together.

    Best of wishes, I hope it does work out for you guys, for his sake and yours. Good luck :)

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    • Are you controlling or like putting rules to everything and other stuff? I mean because you're at the military too.

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    • You give me a hope

    • I'm glad I do, it is something I should have done a lot sooner if I had known, so do talk to him. Be diplomatic about it, do not attack him and propose a way for you all to work through it and everything should be just fine :)
      I wish you all the best :) Good luck

  • He has no legal right to control you. He can't tell you how to live your life, and your opinion for how to raise your children is just as valid as his. What would he do if you just stopped doing what he told you to do? Do you think he would he hurt you? If you don't feel safe drawing a line, and refusing to live under his rule, then I suggest you contact a divorce lawyer.

    You said your children are living in hell. You owe it to them to do what is best for them, no matter how much you love your man. If your husband can not be reasoned with, then it is time to leave. I doubt he will be able to get custody since he has to spend so much time away. So you may have more power over him than you realize.

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What Girls Said 3

  • he's controlling, and your his wife and you have a opinion and say of the house hold as well, dont be scared of him , tell him how you feel, he obviously dont hold back his feelings from you... he tell you what he likes and doesn't like , you should as well...

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    • We can't discuss anything at any time because there's rules for that too.

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    • just talk to him gosh open your mouth and camly tell him how you feel... your acting like he will hit you... your not disrespectful to your husband if you voice your opinion... its really not that serious... gosh!!!

    • she must divorce him.,... and why the hell she marred so young anyway?

  • You two should be making decisions together.

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  • I like how women always complain about their men... and are 9/10 fearful of them... then turn around and try to justify the relationship and rash behavior with the same ol' line "i love him and he's a good man." Once those words are the only thing you have then there is nothing left that man has left to offer you and your children for the matter. All that's left is a mere whisper of hope and a thin trail of the love you had for him in the beginning. Being a military officer is his occupation out of the home... it pays the bills. He should be a military officer at work. At home he's a father, a husband, a protector and provider. Not a military officer. He should not be mandating and dictating the home as if it's military bootcamp. You, nor your children be fearful in their own home. Once you married him you became his wife there you are equal. Ypu should have a say what goes on for you and your kids. Your husband is too controlling and sounds cunning, and manipulative. If he refuses to change his ways... it's time for you to leave for the safety and well being of you and your kids. Sometimes love isn't enough.

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