Do you prefer to live with your parents after marriage?

This is for both guys and girls: Do you prefer to live with your parents after marriage, or be on your own? How important is it for you to be in touch with them?

Some people don't like to have controlling in-laws, so is that the only reason for moving out?

There are advantages too. Especially, in case you have kids, grandparents can be of great help, and generally, they can be a great moral support.

  • Live with guy's parents
    0% (0)8% (2)4% (2)Vote
  • Live with girl's parents
    3% (1)0% (0)2% (1)Vote
  • Prefer to have our own nest, but visit them every weekend
    52% (16)25% (6)40% (22)Vote
  • Own place, visit them once or twice a year
    35% (11)46% (11)40% (22)Vote
  • Other (please specify)
    10% (3)21% (5)14% (8)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know where you're from, but in America it's traditional for you to already have moved out and to be on your own feet (at least the guy has to be) before you even THINK about proposing.
    I know in Hispanic culture this is different though (I think their way of thinking is your parents took care of you and raised you, now it's your turn to do the same for them kinda thing).

    Usually in America if you live with your parents after you're married you're seen as a deadbeat (most Americans don't take care of their families like Hispanics & Asians do so if you see an American living with their parents they're usually still depending on them and not the other way around). Most Americans don't visit their parents every weekend, but every 2 weeks-once every 3 months is normal I think.

    It's a cultural thing though. I voted "Other" I'll probably see my mom once every 6 weeks or so. When I was a kid I only saw my grandparents 3-4 times a year. I want my kids to see theirs much more often, but I don't want my mom to try to control me at the same time

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    • Thanks for ur perspective! Well, I am from India, so that explains my views. We are all influenced by the culture we live in. In ur case since ur parents too have led similar lives when they were young, they sure wouldn't mind living alone. But generally, from a health point of view, its always better for them not to be on their own.

    • I agree, and I always thought that way of life was beautiful, but honestly I can't deal with my mom that much lol. I might take her in when she's in her 70s and can't work anymore, but I can't wait to move out as of now. She's always trying to control my life (which judging from the few Bollywood movies I've seen that's how parents are no matter where you go), but people in America really like their freedom.

What Guys Said 18

  • Own place, I cannot live with my parents. We have personalities and beliefs very different, so living with them while being married... mmm no thanks.
    Also, I wouldn't like to live with my wife's parents, it's weird, and there wouldn't be the privacy we need.

    I would need my own place, even if I'm not married. And as I live in the US and my parents in Spain, I'll probably visit them once a year; flight tickets are very expensive.

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    • Staying in different countries is a valid reason. Other than that, i think the pros outweigh the cons. For example, kids education, parents' health, stability at home, etc.

    • But it shows lack of independence. If you're married and have a kid, you're enough of an adult to live on your own. Plus, that dependency can be transmitted to your kid, which can affect on how he acts when he gets older.

    • Staying together doesn't necessarily have to indicate dependence. Its more of interdependence.

  • Kinda tough to have sex in the living room with other people there, so you need your own place. I would want time alone with her, so I wouldn't visit every weekend, but more the once or twice a year.

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  • they raised me when i was nothing, my mother was the one who use to wash my poop , in the middle of the night when i woke up sometime she uses to sacrifices her sleep and don't sleep until i fell in sleep, she give her own life to make my life better, same with my dad he worked his ass out just to fulfill my needs and give me a better future and i am 22 but he is still paying for my studies for everything

    but after 2 years i will give him rest and earn and spend my money on them, love them and will continue to do until they are alive, i wouldn't marry until i have a big enough 2 stories house *which i already have cause my dad named his house to me* me and my wife will live with them

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    • we might live in the ground and they in the 1st floor but we will cook together, eat together and enjoy our life together, if i leave my parents after what they have given me in this life then i am asking all the girls out there never to trust me because i can also leave u at any point cuz i will not be worthy of love

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    • Very true... I lost my mom last year, but I can still feel her love and concern for me inside of me. She was so good, the last thing she spoke to me, when she was in ICU, was compliment me on my cooking skills.. she was my angel :)

    • i am sorry to hear that :(

  • I'm not visiting my parents every weekend. We wouldn't be in the same country lol. I'd have my own house with my wife and visit my parents during summer and Christmas in Haiti.

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    • Staying long distance, nothing can be done. We can at the most keep in touch by phone/skype.

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    • Well yeah I suppose. It's not that I don't love them, I just kinda grew apart after I had to move to another country and be partially raised by my aunt. I'm just not getting that "natural" impulse to call my parents everyweekend yet. When I have something to say or I need them, they're hard as hell to reach. But it's when I don't need them that they're annoyed I don't call lol.

    • I know exactly what u mean. Even my father is like that sometimes.

  • I think I'd rather die than have sex knowing my parents are down the hall and might interrupt for whatever reason.

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    • Privacy can be ensured in other ways, we keep away parents completely? They deserve our company when they are old and their health starts failing. Loneliness is hard for the elders.

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    • Good or bad, they gave us life. How can we ever be mad at them for too long?

    • It can be pretty easy.

  • i wil NEVER NEVER NEVER marry and i don't want to live with my mother as well

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    • Do you think this is a temporary phase, or have you decided against marriage with solid reasons?

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    • Yeah, totally got it. Actually, your views are a great blend of tradition and the modern concept of love. Nice :)

  • Pretty pathetic if you ask me. They've seen your ass for 18 + years and they still have to see you along with extra baggage. Nah I'm not even married yet and got my own apartment and it feels great. Only visit family members for the holidays other than that I'm on my own and my gf.

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    • You are saying as though, children are a load on them. I disagree. For parents, watching their children face life in front of their own eyes, go through success, marriage, kids, etc., is so fulfilling. That's the feedback I've got from so many elders I've spoken to.

  • C is fine, we live in between my mother's house and hers.

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  • Own place. I live at my own place now alone, I don't want to live with my parents period.

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    • I don't know what to say other than.. I respect your views. Hope they are fine with it too.

    • I keep in touch with my parents, see them at least once a week, I just don't want tl live with them. I like being on my own.

    • I do understand in the US its more common for youngsters to stay on their own. But its good that you are in touch with them...

  • Movin out ASAP.

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  • I voted other. Own place, visit regularly, not every weekend.

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    • But if given a choice, would rather live with them?

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    • Appreciate your views. Thanks for your input, very helpful :)

    • No problem. Thanks, and I liked your question.

  • Heck no. Living with parents even after married would be incredibly stifling in my opinion.

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    • They need us in their old age, just as we need them in our childhood.

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    • I still see them often. Often enough to tell if something is wrong health wise. But if you worry about them dying every day, then you'll never really live as your own person. Independence is healthy, too.

    • I think you do have a point there. But I just think its safer for them to live with others rather than by themselves.

  • Yup gonna live with my parents as long as they want me too.

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    • Its kind of unthinkable for me unless I have to go to another city for career reasons.

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    • Point noted.. i too wanted to mention that that but seems you already did xD

  • I love my family. Yes, I wouldn't mind. I will have a big house soon... So no biggie..

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    • Big house? Do you plan to invite ur parents to live with u?

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    • And plus she inherits her personality from her parents. So yeah, I will love them.

    • Hope, there is always happiness in ur paradise :)))

  • Hell. no. That would be awful.

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  • I imagine my future wife and I will have our own place, I'll visit my mom regularly though.

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  • I don't prefer to because my parents don't like me.

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  • Hell to the no even if they were alive

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    • Hope u r not serious :/

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    • I up-voted u just now :)

    • Thanks fellas

What Girls Said 21

  • Nah, I'm quite happy on my own with my fiance... we see my parents at least every weekend though because they don't live too far away. Three of my brothers live close by as well so we see them quite often too (fourth brother lives across the country with his wife and two baby daughters, and he's in the military, so we only see him a couple times a year).

    As for my SO's parents - they're great people and I love them a whole lot, but we don't want to live with them either. They're a more traditional Southern European family, and anyways they are thinking of moving back to Europe because they miss it there.

    We're happy on our own.

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    • Does ur fiance have siblings?

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    • Oh he's staying here, lol. But we talk to them over Skype all the time. Not the same as a personal visit, but you get to see their face and what they're up to at least.

    • Actually, if the parents are fine with it, then no problem. But sometimes they don't tell their true wishes as they wouldn't want to appear clingy to their children. So, it better we take the initiative in inviting. I'm saying this in a general sense.

  • Voted C. I would like to visit my parents often after getting married. But I'd also like to have my own personal space.

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    • Youth wanting freedom is perfectly understandable. However, its below their dignity I think for the elders to ask for help. I feel we should spare them that trouble and volunteer!

  • As someone who had lived with both my parents and my in-laws after marriage, I have to admit it has its ups and downs. For one, it's financially easier, there's almost always company (despite what I tell everybody I'd rather be alone with my MIL than all by myself), and there's help around the house with chores and cooking. Not so much when I was living with my own mother though, no offense to her, and I do love her, but I wouldn't want to live with her again. But, I also wish I'd had the newlywed time with my husband alone, where we could just focus on each other and spend our time together and have privacy.

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    • Seems like you come from a traditional background. Yes, in spite of the usual family tensions, on the whole, its feels good to have the company of elders.

  • I haven't lived with my mom since I was 17 and I sure wouldn't want to change that now or ever.

    Ps we get along great, I just like having my own space.

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    • I think in the US, the whole society is built around independence. I'm sure even the elders encourage youngsters to be on their own. Why else would it be so common?

  • I'm not even married and as soon as I could I moved out (if that doesn't make my answer obvious enough).
    I visit home as little as possible, not that I dislike home or anything. I just like my independence and am the kind of person to be happy wherever I am.
    We didn't really get to know our grandparents well (they lived in another country). Although I do intend to make sure my kids (if I have them) get to know the rents very well.

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    • Come to think of it, independence is important too. But can't we achieve it while still living with our parents, like find the right balance? Coz people tend to neglect their health as they grow older...

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    • That's a good arrangement. But one thing I don't agree on is the age. 70 is also very late. People start neglecting their health much earlier, and our bodies reduce their healing capacity much earlier. However, I totally agree with the privacy that newly weds should get.

    • Meh, my grandparents weren't immobile till about 70+ before that they were still very active, even now they are still very active.

  • I prefer having own place. But I don't want to cut the all contacts with them. The ideal thing to me is to visit them regularly. Great to have them in our lives, in my opinion.

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  • i want my mom to live next door or in a separate wing of the house

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  • Why the fuck would I or anyone in their right minds live with their parents after getting married? I was married for 11 years and we always lived on our own. I don't know anyone that's married that lives with in laws or parents.

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  • Nope, I get that it's common in some countries to live with family after marriage... But not where I'm from and me personally would hate that... I love my mom, but When I'm married, I'm not going to live with her. It'll just be me and my husband.

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    • Yeah, u r right. I'm from India. Over here, the tradition is for a girl to stay with the guy in his parents' house, unless career comes in the way and they decide to settle down in a different city/country.

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    • Sorry, but I don't believe in god... I to believe he cared, then I realized that I'm the only one who can make my life better. You don't know what I've been through either.

  • I left my parents house when I was 18 lol.. I could never live with them. Even a weekend visit is too much to handle. I'm not a family person (also because I can't relate to anyone of them)

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    • Staying away from family is okay, but I feel you must keep in touch with them. For parents, the children are like possessions, something they own - emotionally at least. You gotta love them unconditionally I feel.

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    • Forgiveness is for those who appologize and repent. And forgiveness doesn't necessarily result in having the person in your life. Even God only forgives when you repent.

    • Agreed. But parents deserve company in old age. They gave us life.

  • Yup. Happy with it... For now. Lol.

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  • I haven't lived with my parents since I was 15 and I'd like to keep it that way. *shudders*

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    • I think u r not married, r u? But after marriage, when you have kids, won't they miss having grandparents living with them?

    • Well my parents live in a different country now, but its okay. If my kids get to see them a few times a year thats okay :) I'd rather live with just my kids and husband.

    • Oh, okay. Then you can't help it I guess...

  • I'm good either way.

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  • I'm quite sure I would rather live alone

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    • Now, you might have ur reasons for that, but please don't do it unless its inevitable. Don't overestimate your strength. Don't get me wrong - I don't mean we are too weak to live alone. I only want to say, sharing our life with others is much more richer and having people of all age groups around us helps a lot. It gives perspective.

  • I don't live with them now, so I definitely wouldn't move back in with them after marriage!

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    • But do you plan to be in close touch with them?

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    • There is so much to be gained from their experience and wisdom, won't we miss all that?

    • Yeah, but I don't need to live with them. In my opinion newlyweds should be starting a new life together, as a couple. I'm all for close families and it's up to them if they all live together and enjoy it, but I like having my own space and my lifestyle is very different to that of my parents or my future in-laws.

  • I wouldn't wanna live with my parents after marriage.

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    • Your profile says you are from Switzerland... do u live there? I would like to know more about their social traditions... attitudes of youth, marriage, family, living in a joint family, open/closed society, etc.

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    • Yeah, true. I wonder if there is any country in the world today where tradition has been well preserved and still followed.

    • Hmm, countries in the south and east europe. The children live with their parents in houses and create their own families and then many generations live together.

  • Hells no! I'd rather die.

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  • My boyfriend and I want our independence and privacy, thank you very much lol. We'll be living together by ourselves when we marry. Although maybe we'll be roommates with some other people when we live together before we get married.

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    • Maybe ur parents are still young?

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    • If they are divorced, then its doubly hard for you. I'm sorry I'm commenting on ur personal life, but i guess you'll have to put in much more effort to keep in touch with them both :(

    • Yeah, it will. I'll probably give them each a call once a week or so though. Shouldn't be too difficult.

  • I definitely would not want to live with mine. They are overbearing and would drive us crazy. I don't have a man in my life right now so I don't know what his family would be like. But I would not want to live with a man's full time. Maybe as a quick temporary fix.

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    • So if the guy's family is caring and loving, u wouldn't mind living with them?

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    • It's ok to comment. But I do not think living with parents is better when you are married. Maybe we are from a different place-I am American. I do think it is fine to live with parents if they are nice if you and your spouse are newlyweds and need to save money, or you are going through a tough financial time. But overall I do not think it is better to live with the parents than to have your own place as a married couple. I think it is nice to visit the parents often as long as you all get along. I hope I get along well with my husband's family when I find the right man to marry. But I would not want to live in their home permanently. Maybe come visit. And my parents are crazy so I certainly would not want to live with them while married. Even living with them single makes me crazy!

    • Thanks for explaining :) U r right, I'm from India. While things are slowly changing and joint family is going out of fashion, especially in the cities, this tradition is still intact in many small towns and villages. Elders tend to neglect their health if they live on their own. Hence, I feel its better to let them stay with us.

  • i prefer having my own nest and visit them on a weekly basis... i don't want anyone to mingle with my private life

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    • You think your BF/future husband will agree with u?

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    • yes i'm sure

    • My parents wouldn't like it unless there are some solid reasons... like very good career prospects. Especially once you have children, they will miss all the excitement.

  • I'd live elsewhere. I love my parents, but I also value being able to live my life without them telling me what I should or should not do.

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    • What if ur husband wants you to live with his parents?

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    • Never said I want to have kids.

    • I don't want to impose my views, but I'm speaking of traditional wisdom. I do respect your views. Hope you stay happy always, with or without kids, single or married :)

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