How do women get in abusive relationships?

I know a girl who was just assaulted by her husband. I have known her for years and this isn't the first time she has been in a physically violent relationship. not trying to judge, I just want to understand why this happens. not a lot of people know about it, but I was really shocked to find out because they seemed really happy


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Abusive people aren't abusive from the beginning. They kinda lure you into it.

    My best friend had an abusive boyfriend. He was cool at first, but then it slowly became a Rapanzel like situation where he wouldn't let her leave the house AT ALL and if she did then he'd ALWAYS have to come with her. Like.. complete lock down. He thought she was cheating on him with me and my other best friend (both female) and any other person she came in contact with so he wouldn't let her go. I also suspect that he prevented her from using birth control (because he suddenly "wanted" a baby which is really out of character for her and we were only 18 at the time), but yeah.. it doesn't happen in one day.

    They're really nice at first and take you out on dates and be friendly with all of your friends and everything. THEN, they test the waters to see how you'll respond by saying something like "I don't want you to wear that" to see if they can control you, then I don't want you to wear that turns into you're not ALLOWED to wear that, then you're not allowed to wear that turns into you're not allowed to go out.
    Then when they have you away from your family and friends and everyone you love and trust they can attempt to hit you just once. Usually they apologize after the first time and the girl is like "oh it was only 1 time" then, 1 time turns into 2, then it becomes a regular thing of you coming home straight from work, getting beat, going back to work not allowed to go anywhere in town by yourself or contact anyone for help.

    I think it really is a game for most abusers. They want to see how much they can get away with without getting called out on it and by the time they DO get called out on it it's usually far too late. It's about control mind, body and soul. Abusive role models don't help girls either. Look at how many girls like Twilig
    ht, The Great Gatsby, Wuthering Heights all very bad abusive relationships!

    You should check out the #whyIstayed tag on Twitter
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What Guys Said 5

  • I think they just don't want to get out because of the amount of time they invested in the relation and just end up hoping that it will eventually change for the better, which it doesn't. And they end up rationalizing it and claim they actually did deserve the abuse after a while.

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  • she probably puts her truth in the hands of anyone easily with a cup of faith.

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  • I think it's a combination of the "women are attracted to assholes" phenomenon (yeah, yeah... tell me it's not true, just like the ocean is yellow) and low self esteem.

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  • Usually the guy becomes abusive. And she doesn't know how to leave

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  • I think a lot of it is that women are attracted to dominate men. With as horrible as it sounds abuse is an act of dominance. So some women get more attracted to a guy for doing something she doesn't want done to her.

    The other main reason is because the human race is simply too violent. I think most men and women have been the victims of spousal abuse at some point, just because humans in general are violent. It is so common that often the person being abused may not consider it abuse, but in the eyes of the law it is abuse.

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What Girls Said 5

  • There is a lot of pressure on women to get married, or at least be in a relationship. The social pressures are quite real. Girls are scared of being considered weird if they don't have someone in their life. Apart from the natural need for a girl to love and feel loved, its also the society that makes many girls hurry up, and out of fear of being left out, they choose a guy at the first available opportunity, instead of waiting for the right one.

    Apart from that, girls feel obliged easily, so they give into flattery easily, which may men misuse in the beginning of a relationship.

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  • They think they can change the person and they put too much pressure on themselves to do that. It's hard for them to leave the abusive relationship because they think that they are the only ones responsible for their partner's actions. They're usually prone to self-blame. They never think that it's their partner who's wrong - they always think that they must've did something that made their partner act this way or not done enough to prevent their partner from doing so.

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  • Because some women like dominant men. In some cases, these women had no clue of some of these men violent past to begin with.
    I don't get it either.

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  • some girls are just attracted to those type of men without knowing it. some things just happen. and everyone has arguments and everyone has different ways of taking it out.

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  • Low self esteem. Women don't know and they rationalize abuse

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