My husband chooses when he wants to be a parent?

My husband does not help with the kids. He doesn't bathe them, clean them up, go to Dr's appointments, report card pick ups, teacher conferences, family reading night, nor homework! What the eff? Why do I have to do all this as if I were a single parent? He works 3 days a week at a non laborious job part time. I work full time, grave yard shift and yet he wakes me up to cook dinner as well as clean and do homework while he wasted his day before the video games. If I don't cook, the kids won't eat,, homework would not get done, the house would be a pig sty. I would even say he watches my kids correctly but he pawns my 1 year old on me while I'm trying to sleep or let's him cry incessantly in his play pen which only causes me to get up and care for him. This is a daily cycle. I can't express myself on the latter, obvi criticism isn't taken well. When I ask if he can help out he says "I don't do that"... am I wrong for going insane?

Updates:
I appreciate all the advice. I blew up today as we argued. I lost my composure and let him know his constant oblivion, irresponsibility, laziness and lack of help has had me overwhelmed and suicidal lately. Maybe out of anger he taunted me to doing it. I slapped him. He says he will not leave until I sell the house and give him half. Incredible. Things got really ugly but I'll spare details. Now I don't know what's going to happen as its only been an hour since the altercation.

0|0
2|5

Most Helpful Guy

  • I work a full time job, have 3 kids (a 5 and 3 year old son and a 6 week old daughter) and a stay at home wife. I still take out the trash, do the dishes several times a week, feed the kids at least 3 times a week, pick up the house, do laundry several times a week, do all the yard work, and care for the kids at least 4 hours a day. Did I mention I am the soul provider for my family :)? Point is, your husband needs to get his crap together, man up, be a father, find a job that can support his family, take on more responsibility, and be a better husband. You may not want to hear this part but I do believe you are partially at fault as well. Reason being you said you saw this as an issue 8 years ago when you had your first son and as it got progressively worse you continued to have children with this guy. My recommendation? Make it very clear to him that you have had enough. He had two choices... go with you to a MFT (marriage family therapist), or get out of the house. Life is full of decisions and consequences, stand up for your kids (and yourself) and give him some decisions of his own to make! Hope this helps. You asked for opinions... there is mine :)

    1|0
    0|0
    • First congrats on your new baby! Second, thank you for your advice. That's great that you a help out regardless of your job. He refuses to shape up or ship out. I don't know how many times I have to talk about therapy. I wish I could leave!

    • Thanks for the congrats. I hope I'm not imposing on your marriage but if I may say this one last thing. It is NEVER too late to leave. I do not say that lightly because I never want to see marriages on the rocks. I would however implore you to consider your children in this. If your children's quality of life is being negatively affected due to your husband's actions and your stress because of trying to pick up his slack he may need a reality check. Maybe take the kids and go to a relative or friends house for a few days? Just a thought :).

What Guys Said 4

  • You had sex with the wrong guy. You married the wrong guy. It is clear to know and see that God was never a part of your marriage.

    Women will go out of their way to chase down the one guy who will do the most damage. What is so sad is that you knew this before you married him or should have. You can try and change things by talking to him, taking him to church or marriage councle or just leave him with the kids. Somehow you need to put him in your shoes.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I agree with everything. I did see it years ago with our 8 year old but it has worsened with our youngest. I have asked to go to counseling but he refuses profusely. He seems to belittle my feelings or scoffs them off offended. I mentally apologize to my kids for my wrong choice.

  • Buy a.22 LR handgun and shoot him in the foot.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Is your husband really good looking or something? Because I don't understand why would you continue to put up with this. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your man isn't going to improve. You need to accept that you will always do most of the work, or you can divorce him and find a better man.

    2|1
    0|0
    • Unfortunately I don't know why I'm ignoring the facts. I think I feel I'm just complaining a lot as he manipulates the situation that way.

    • I highly advise you to look up the number of a divorce lawyer right now, and call them first thing in the morning.

    • That's def my next move. I don't know where to start but I guess I have to dive in.

  • Perhaps you didn't chose a husband wisely.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Understatement. lol. honestly he seems to get worse with time.

    • Show All
    • If you can't have that conversation effectively with him perhaps there is a male in his family that can, like his father.

    • I don't a have a relationship w my father in law. We get along but barely talk. He wasn't the best example of a father either. I figured I would go to the source of the problem but he is oblivious.

What Girls Said 2

  • No. You are not. I feel so very sorry for you. Your a hard working woman and an excellent mother. He needs to repect you and appreciate you. You need to truly sit down and have the talk. If nothing helps marriage couselors work wonders. Again, I am so very sorry and a man like that does not deserve such a wonderful woman like yourself. I give you respect. Show him that he will lose you if things do not change.

    2|0
    0|0
    • I really appreciate your uplifting words. Not that I came on here for props but reading this words made me feel well, appreciated. Lol.

    • You are quite welcome and I wish the best of luck. Of course the saying, some people do not know what good they have in their life until it's gone. Do not let him run over you. You will have pure resentment and start to carry hatred and what mother and wife wants those things in her happy life.. make a stand and demand a change!

    • Wise words. I already resent him honestly

  • He's being a big baby and he needs to grow the hell up and take some responbility for things around the house. It wouldn't be a bad thing to pack up the kids and stay at a friends house and let him see and appreciate all that you do for him. I would suggest leaving the kids but im afraid of what he won't do to them. But the bottom line is, the fight isn't a bad thing. A divorce might not even be a bad things. You should be with an adult, not a child

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...