Should I marry him? Please help!?

Well my boyfriend, who i love very much, and is super smart, flips burgers with bad earnings. I've been raised to marry an educated man. And i love him bit he refuses to go to school. Then complains he doesn't make enough. I offer to pay for his college, he thinks he doesn't need it and he can live on with min. wayge. he is working 12 hours a day and physically taking a toll on him. If he goes to school, for example, to be the boss of a burger flipper, life would be easier. He lives with his sister, and has no car. I am deeply in love with him and we are planning to get married. But I don't know if i can marry someone who isn't educated... i asked him if he would hate it if i made more, he said no. Thats not good
financial competition bwtween couples is good, makes both stride to earn more for the family. My family is rich cuz both my parents are highly educated and compete with their checks. I want to raise a family with this man, but I don't know if i can do it... please tell me what should i do? I love him, he graduated high school st 16, so he CAN get a degree without an issue. But he wants to stay s burger flipper. Im scared. I don't know what to do!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't change a guy into doing something you want it will never work not saying you are because your out for his best interest to where he's not thinking long term he only is thinking of right now i dont think you should marry him until you guys have more as a couple its important you guys have a car and are stable more not just on your part but his part he can't always count on you when it comes to taking him to work and back he needs more motivation maybe talking to someone who influeces him the most to help him realize school is important in life but at the same time no needs to go to school to be smart they just need to have drive and motivation to do more in life or want better he's so used to everything being easy he may not realize life is hard to maintain working something with less in come and less things to gain from working a job flipping burgers in a way he has to be a man just like ur being women enough to handle ur business dont let anyone stand in your way because ik how much you love your bf and i do think you should stay with him but i do thin u should worry about protecting yourself and taking care of yourself once your stable with a place and a car then have him stay with you but before that if he not motivated i would fill out job apps for him and try to get him to see there is better for him and there's a lot of people who would loved working with him and having him work for them

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What Guys Said 3

  • I do not mean to be ugly... but his JOB if he is going to get married is to do everything he can to support his family... both with making money, emotional support, and physical support. More or less he is saying that he does not want to take care of his responsibilities. So it is time for you to move on.

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    • Move on as in leave him? Or get over it?

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    • Can i change him? Like his mindset on life?

    • I do not mean what i am going to say as a smart alec... but seriously how many women do you know that have ever successfully changed a man vs how many do you know that thought they could. it is like 1 man changed for every 324234239423049872389 that some woman tried to change. This isn't about you.. even though it feels like it. It us about what he wants in life. You do what you want to do. He does not want to do what he needs to love and cherish and support you. Instead he wants the easy life of you take care of him and him flipping burgers. So do you think you are really going to change him? I know it hurts, but it is true.

  • So imagine you get married, you have kids, money is a bit tight... and then you get in a car accident and can't work ever again. Is he in a position to pick up the slack and care for the family, especially now with increased medical bills?

    You heart may be telling you to stay with him now. But your head needs to rule here (and if decisions of the heart are important to you, if you haves kids, your heart will tell you to move on from him when he isn't able to help support them). If he isn't going to try to improve his life, there isn't anything you can do.

    And by no means pay for him to go to school. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of you. It's an extremely generous offer, but don't.

    You have to have a serious talk with him. He has to improve his career, or you leave. But I don't think he will. I think it would be best to start looking for a new man to date--he's making a mistake, but it's his to make, and you shouldn't get dragged down by it.

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    • Yeah he's 24 doesn't have a bank account even.

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    • What if i told him, grow up or its over? My mom sort of did that to my dad.

    • Wouldn't hurt to try, so give it a shot. But don't get your hopes up--be ready for the possibility that he won't. You have to be ready for that.

      Best of luck ;)

  • Tell him you don't think y'all are ready for marriage yet

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think education is not important much. If he have a good idea to make money. My dad can't read and have nothing when he married my mum. But he is pretty smart. He know how to make money and doesn't hesitate to do it. If your bf can make enough money, education may not important. However, my father will suddenly looking for something that make enough money, if he see that what he doing not good enough. This is important. My father always improve himself with knowledge. But he doesn't have education's degree.

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    • Yeah well he's trying to improve himself and make more! Thats good! My boyfriend is 24 flipping burgers and doesn't have a bank account even.

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    • What if i tell him to grow up or its over?

    • Well, you love him but I long term for your child it may not good. If he doesn't know how to manage money.

  • ok this will be one of the rare cases that how much a guy makes matters. He doesn't want to go back to school to earn more money he wants to stay where he is and just not do anything but complain so there's really nothing you can do. this guy sounds like he has no motivation to improve his quality of living and this will not change after you marry him. In this case you have no choice but to leave him if you can't get married to someone on minimum wage their whole life. This is your instincts telling you to leave because if you marry this guy your life will be hard and you already know this.

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    • We promised we would be together forever. And we are soul mates, but can i change him? Just to grow the hell up?

    • That's the thing. I don’t think you can because HE doesn't want to change. You could find out why he doesn't want to go back and if it's something fixable you can work from there. If he just doesn't loke school and doesn't want to fo back, you can hope he changes. And is he this unmotivated about other things in life?

      I get what you mean about job competivity. He doesn't have that drive to better himself like you. You come from a family where you were tough to fight for a better life and you know the benefits. You can see how this isn't going to work if he doesn't go to college.

    • not to be mean or intrusive but how is your soulmate? because a soul mate will want to better your lives together and not going to college it doesn't help anyone. I know you love him but can you really live with a guy that doesn't want to do anything productive with his life? being ambitious isn't something that someone can inquire through exterior motivation it's something that comes from inside.

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