What do I do about a husband that spends outside of our means and leaves me bearing the brunt of the consequences?

Sooo... my husband works in northern United states. We live in the south and I'm usually stuck here taking care of the house, 3 kids, dog, etc by myself for 2 weeks at a time while he's at work. Sometimes I can be here alone for 6 weeks at a time. These longer durations are usually because we have a debt to pay off. That's pretty much always the reason. My husband is a great guy but he has a huge problem with finances. He makes a very good living but over spends to the point it is sickening. We own things that people with nothing better to do with their money own. Are they fun? Sure but if it were up to me we wouldn't have them. Why? Because it causes these longer times for him to be gone leaving me with all of the responsibility. And I want to mention none of these extravagant things are for me personally. I would love a piano but no it's all boy toys. Can ams, mini razors for each kid, you get my point. I refuse special things for myself in order to cut down on the spending. Or when it's time I may get something fun there isn't enough money left unless I want to put up with him working over. I try my best to spend as little as possible on unnecessary things. To the point I wear clothes that don't fit, and am stuck in this house day after day. I don't go out with friends or get a babysitter or go shopping in an effort to save. So my question... Things like Him going to the gym while he's at work or going to dinner with his buddy's absolutely infuriates me. Am I crazy? Just because I'm miserable should I expect him to be? I think so!! Lol but he doesn't get it at all. He always says, get a babysitter go do something. But!!! I explained why I don't feel like I can. Yes I've told him these things hundreds of times but he still doesn't get it. Then I sit around feeling like he really doesn't give two sh*ts about anyone but himself. I know this is not true because he shows it in other ways he just has a serious problem. What do I do? Desperate at this point.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to decide what is acceptable for you. Get any idea about controlling his behaviour out of your mind, you can't. If you and him don't see eye to eye on finaces and money then that's a big problem in a marriage. You can only control what you do. You can talk to him, but he may not listen. He may have a problem with impulse buying, which you can do nothing about unless he wants to stop or get help for it Your priority is yourelf and your children. It may come to leaving him and making yourself finacially independent if he doesn't value the wellbeing of his family and his wife over his spending. You have to make decisions and follow through with actions to bring about any kind of change but trying to force him to do anything is a complete waste of your time and energy.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He sounds a lot like my mom's husband. Long story short, he hasn't around and I found out he left because of debt. You should save money on the side just in case, a separate serect account for yourself

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What Girls Said 1

  • Have a serious conversation with him about it. You're not crazy, trust me. You have every right to be angry. Quite possibly, he doesn't realise how much his spending upsets you.

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