SHOULD WE GET ENGAGED PLEASE HELP?

Me and my bf are together for 2 years so far. Before starting the relationship we both stated we're looking for long term commitment. Now that we are transferring to different univeristies in different states, should we get engaged before we start to be long distance, even though it means our wedding is in 5+ years from now? We love each other a lot.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, what you are proposing is going to be very difficult to maintain the loving relationship you have now. The fact that you are engaged isn't going to make your love survive a long distance relationship over a long period of time, the level of commitment that could take is astronomical. Not knowing either of you it's pretty difficult to even come up with an opinion other than it will be hard so hard that the relationship may not survive.

    My fiancé and I will be getting married in July, meh is at university this year while I finish up H. S. and Community College, we see each other every weekend. I can tell you this year so far has been the absolute hardest the separation has been difficult at times for both of us, we talk every day but it's not the same as feeling his touch. It's so hard letting him go every Sunday night, knowing that I won't be seeing him until Friday , I've cried myself to sleep plenty of times already. I can't imagine not being able to see him even on the weekends, I'm afraid I'd be a wreck and not able to concentrate on my own studies. Not trying to talk you out of it, just trying to make you see some reality. More power to you if you can and do make it work. Try getting into same college would be better.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You are about to go through one of the hardest tests a relationship can go through, distance. So I say NO don't get engaged, if your relationship honestly (HONESTLY) survives this test, I will be your number one supporter for engagement. A lot of people may think getting engaged is a good idea because its like a "symbol" or "promise" or some crap like that to show some sense of purpose or intention, but you know all it does, it just makes the disappointment hit a little harder IF things don't go as expected. (im not saying anything negative about your relationship). On the upside, IF the distance doesn't destroy things, it makes the bond just a little stronger. I hope you like gambling, because i don't.
    Also, you don't take a victory shot before starting the battle. You take it after you attain victory.
    In the end, the choice is yours, if it makes you feel better, shoot for it then.

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    • So what should we do now? 5 years is not a short amount of time to pull this tough test on us...

    • We've both been in a long distance relationship before. Mine lasted for 2 years his lasted for 6 years... So it's not that we have no idea about thos test... but I know that's gonna be very very tough we both know that due to our past experience... We just want to make our wedding more promising that's why we're thinking about engagement - a promise to get married...

    • I thought i stated that already, thats what people think. yea, 5 years is not a short amount of time, and enough time for anything to happen. A little bit of metal is not going to change anything. I say make the promise verbal and begin the LDR. If things HONESTLY pull through, those words have the right to become matter/solid (ring). when 72 percent of LDR's don't pan out and add another 21% that pan out but not honestly and fall apart later, there isn't much left. Thats why i don't do LDR's. There is a better chance if break up is initiated, with the promise of getting back together.. later.
      Again, its up to the happy couple.

  • If the marriage is 5+ years away, why get engaged now? What does it bring you? And why if you are that committed to one another are you going to go to separate universities? Why not find a way to be closer or go to one that has both of what you are looking for?

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    • We're going to different universities because formsome private reason ans no we cannot change that fact... Trust me we've been working on it but we just can't for family reasons... We don't want to loose each other that's why, and we want a promise that's harder to break.. We both want pressures on us to just in a little get our relationship a bit more committed. We will move in after our universities and will plan the wedding by then...

    • well it doesn't sound like you need anyone's help. It just sounds you guys know what you want to do.

      I wish you well!

  • DON'T GET ENGAGED IF YOU'RE NOT PHYSICALLY PRESENT

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    • Why?

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    • I wouldn't get engaged because I'm worried, that just sounds like a slow descent into clingyness and paranoia. Move to the same city/place, then proceed.

    • same reason

  • No only get married if you want to end the relationship between you two.

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    • Huh what?

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    • I've been married 11 years and it doesn't get easier. It just gets different. Some days we could kill each other, others we plow like animals. The only thing consistent is inconsistencies.

    • looool... i love this... i get it... the suffer-ring?

What Girls Said 5

  • No.

    1. You're only getting engaged for the security that the other won't cheat
    2. You're only getting engaged because it's been 2 years and you feel you should because society dictates
    3. You actually have to ask if it's a good idea - if it were the right time, you wouldn't have to ask
    4. 5+ years is a ridiculously long time to be engaged
    5. Getting engaged and going long distance does not guarantee the success of the relationship
    6. It's really hard to plan a wedding when the two parties are not in the same place

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    • So what do we do now if we don't want to loose each other? Trust me distance is scary I've done it once last for only a year.

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    • on point. Ok this is way more detailed than mine but definitely on point. i especially agree with 1,3, and 5. they are related. and i stated that too. just without numbers lol

    • It's a 7 hour drive. Not super far as far as long distance goes, but still. We don't see each other often at all.

  • I think you guys should compromise on stuff together and take a chance with your relationship and find a way to make it work by each other and try getting into the same universities being engaged before u guys go far away just doesn't seem right at all u guys are both gonna miss each other and change in some way weather thats as a person or in life i think u guys going threw life ups and downs is what u guys need to do in order to maintain ur guys relationship but together in the same place or area or nearby i feel like any long distance relationship can work but ik how some other girls are with others boyfriends and i just think u being close by is what he would want anyways he doesn't wanna be far away from someone he cares about guys may not admit it but its hard being away from someone u care about

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  • Sounds like a bad idea to me. If your relationship lasts in distance, then get engaged, or married or soul binded or whatever you want.

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    • But isn't the engagement will make our marriage more promising?

    • It will not. If your relationship is serious, then it will last in time and space. It doesn't matter if it's named engagement or marriage or whatever. By calling it "engagement" won't really make it more serious or more promising. Try putting an effort. Even if it doesn't succeed it's okay. And if it does, it's probably going to be worth it. You're going to be fine.

  • Definitely

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    • But isn't 5+ years a ridiculous amount of time to be engaged? :(

  • I got engaged for a similar reason and we are going to be married in 8 months now, go for it.

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    • Congrats! How long was you guys apart?

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    • I'm glad you're almost there :) Throughout tht 3 years how did you guys communicate and stuffs? How often do you guys visit each other?

    • He visited me three times and I visited him three times. We messaged a lot, called each other, had Skype sessions.

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