My friend is being cheated on by her husband and I am afraid to tell her. Should I tell her?

So my friend is married to a man in the air force he is 28 and she is 25. He cheated on her with a girl while being stationed at a different state (found out from friend that hangs with him). He told the girl that he was seeing that he was single and promised her things (basically lead her on for three months and even tried to contact her again after his marriage). My friend (guy) told me that the girl he was seeing was very innocent and didn't know. But found out on FB that he had just married my friend and she stopped talking to him. (I feel sorry for her-the girl he lead on)... I feel even worse about how my best friend will handle the news about her husband cheating.

The thing is is that my friend is now pregnant and is having a baby soon. Her husband is acting like nothing is wrong and everything is perfect. It makes me sick to see him act like this and the whole ordeal really. I am afraid to tell her because they are married and a baby is on the way. What can I do? Should I tell her?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't tell her, at least not yet. You need proof, as much as you can. Once you have it, & after the baby is born, confront him. Ensure you do it, in such a way, where your safety isn't in jeopardy. Inform him you know the truth, & his wife is going to find out.

    Give him the choice: either he tells her, or his wife gets the proof. Give him a SHORT timeframe to do it (24 hours, at most). If he doesn't, give his wife the proof & let her handle it.

    In addition, being a servicemember, there are certain laws within the UCMJ that can seriously bite him in the ass, depending on the details of the infidelity. Read up on it, & ensure his wife is informed, after she learns the truth.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I do think you should tell her, absolutely yes.

    I would be very careful about how you word it, though. For example, instead of coming right out and saying "your husband is cheating on you," say something like "I heard something upsetting and I think that, as a good friend, you deserve to be told. Here is what I was told/what I have heard..."

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  • I hate to say this, but you should tell her. I'm surprised his buddy didn't tell on him. I guess he's a spineless loser of a friend of his. If she's willing to forgive him, then that's up to him. But she needs to be made aware of this, otherwise, he could continue to cheat on her with other women.

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    • The reason we both didn't say anything is because there is a baby involved and we had no idea how to even tell her... but I think its best too... your right. I hate to break her heart. This is horrible and I am digested beyond words.

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    • Very true. Thank you so much... this is going to suck.

    • No problem. Yes, sadly it will suck. But that's on the idiot husband. I don't care if he's a Navy Seal or the President of the United States. There's no reason to cheat on your wife.

  • Get irrefutable proof then confront him if he doesn't confess you show her the proof

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  • Nope. Do the wrong thing.

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  • It is not your place to do so...

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    • so just leave it? Just let him keep doing it?

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    • So how did it work out for you when you told... if you told? It hurts me to hear her talk about how much she loves him... I just feel like I have a pit in my stomach...

    • I did not tell. It's not my place, and really isn't any of my business.

What Girls Said 4

  • I'm sorry, this is really a tough situation, especially when there is a future child involved. Yes, your friend should be aware about what's going on. I think that it's best if she hears the news from her husband rather than someone else. Try to contact him and let him know that she needs to know and if he doesn't tell her, you will. For you, be supportive of your friend in this time of need. I don't know this guy, but I do believe that people make mistakes and can change. Maybe he feels really guilty for what he did and has no intention of ever doing it again and wants to focus on his marriage and future child. Or maybe he'll end up cheating again somewhere along the line. Hopefully it's the first, but either way she should know.

    For the purpose of their marriage and future child, I hope that they can resolve this issue.

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    • I will try to talk to him. I can't promise it will be pretty... I thought that he regretted to. Until he contacted her again a month later after his marriage (she never responded thank god)... sooo I just hope it was the last of it. But I have a feeling b/c its the "passion/halo phase of the relationship" he won't now... but will probably do it again when it gets tough later on..:(. I will try to talk to him thank you so much. But she is going to be so heart broken and it breaks my heart. She loves him so much.

    • It's definitely not a good sign if he tried to contact the woman again. And even if it's not this girl or right now, it may be a different girl later on in their relationship. It's better for her to know sooner about him than if she waits and gets more and more involved with him.

      Also, make sure that you have all your facts straight just before pointing fingers! And keep in mind that even though it's not your fault, it's possible that your friend may lash out at you because she's hurt that you knew and didn't tell her. Be prepared if that does happen, and try not to take it too personally and keep your friendship with her.

    • yeah... Thanks again. I really appreciate the advice from all of you.

  • Sounds legit but he said, she said is always a bad thing. Confront the husband. See what he has to say. Tell him you know he's cheating and see if he'll confess himself. Better him tell her than you. If he doesn't, then you have every right to tell her. That's if you know FOR SURE he's cheating. Otherwise you'll end up being the evil friend and home wrecker.

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    • He was... there were pictures and texts. I checked his phone one time (crazy I know). Its actually true. sadly.

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    • Get him to confess. That's the only option. Tell him he either has to do it or you will. He should have thought about his family. Sorry for the child but a family can't be built on deception.

      If you do end up telling her because he's too much of a b*tch to tell her himself, sit her down where she is most comfortable and it won't be an issue if she cries. (Not general public)

      Start with casual conversation and work from there. Say:

      " hey, I hope everything is well with you and the family. Have you noticed anything different with your husband..."
      See what she says and continue.
      If you have pictures and texts to support your statements, provide that. Say you don't wanna be the evil friend since he had no intentions on admitting it and you don't wanna be the friend that found out and said nothing. It'll hurt her but it'll save her a lot of grief in the future.

    • I will try... Thank you so much.

  • Yes do tell. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you? It's best to know then never know! ⊙﹏⊙

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  • If the person who told you is reliable, you 100% need to tell her, especially since he tried to contact that girl after his marriage. She needs to know that kind of information and if she finds out later that you knew but withheld the information from her, she will hate you, and with good reason.

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