Would you sign a pre-nup?

If you had been with your partner for 5 years and have booked your wedding (set date, picked venue, paid deposits) and then they suddenly ask you for a pre-nup to protect their future inheritance from you and said oh expect it come through in a few weeks the family lawyers are writing it up what would you do?
I didn't know that his family were that wealthy yeah they own their home and my partner owns his (which is in his trust funds name apparently so that he can not lose it if he gets married then divorced).
How would you feel?
I am at a low edge he did this right before Christmas then he is ignoring the topic. He went out to watch match on boxing day and said i wasn't invited as men only but turn out they had a party at his cousins after with all his family.

Updates:
I wouldn't be bothered about signing the pre-nup if he had told me in advance but now he has said if it is not signed he is not marrying me simple as i either sign the 1st pre-nup given or its off. I earn a high wage myself but when we have kids he expects me to look after them as his mother gave up her career. But according to the pre-nup if we get divorced i would only get back what my earning have provided when i have suggested getting mortgage so we are both secure he said no.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds completely unfair to you in your update.

    Tell him that you feel it's unfair.

    If he doesn't see it that way, he's got some huge protection that he can abuse you with. Tell him you feel insecure and need to feel you are being treated fairly.

    It isn't about you 'changing' your 'thinking', a sense of unfairness is a sense of unfairness. If he can't put himself in your shoes to feel what you're feeling, then he really isn't ready for marriage with 'pre-nups' yet.

    He would do better with a marriage without a 'pre-nup'.

    The pre-nup is something to make it fair for both parties, not to give him extra leverage in the 'marriage'. Basically, a properly done pre-nup would make both parties feel 'ALRIGHT, I'm okay with this'.

    e. g. A condition that - If you have to stop working for the family's interest, there is something given to you in return, so you don't have to tough it out in a law court if it ever happens, same goes with him so he doesn't have to fight tooth and nail for what is rightfully his to protect against 'gold diggers' (not saying you are one, but that sense of security is what some guys need in today's world).

    You can leave him fairly, and he can leave you fairly. (not that we wish for that to ever happen).

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What Guys Said 35

  • I would not sign it. If you ask me, he already gave you the perfect reason not to marry him..."... to protect their future inheritance from YOU..." If you two want to get married, then why does his future inheritance need protection from his future wife?

    This is why I have such a huge problem with pre-nuptial agreements.

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  • A lot of people say pre-nups are a sign of distrust. But a pre-nup is really more like insurance. You have insurance for your car in case you get in an accident. You have insurance on your house in case it burns down. A pre-nup is insurance on a marriage. It says, "if anything ever happens, then things are covered." Now just like with insurance on your car or house, a pre-nup is the same way. You hope you never have to use it. But if you do, it is better to have it than to not have it and try and deal with all the problems afterward.

    So it's up to you. If you love the guy, sign it. If you have a problem with it, then don't and move on.

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  • Your last paragraph seems a bit worrying, why don't taking his fiance to a family party? And why covering it up as "guy's stuff"? If I was in your place I would confront him about it.

    About the pre-nup, I see why a men wants you to sign one, just look at the statistics, there is a 50/50 chance for the marriage to fail.

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  • yes i would do it. There is no reason why i wouldn't. I find that women who don't like the idea of signing one usually take that stance because they are loosing the goodie basket they would normally get if they chose to bail out on the guy. "But we will never divorce!" they say. lol, good grief. As if they know what their mood will be like 10 years down the road. Girls should sign one too, but its usually the case that men make the most money in a relationship and not the other way around.

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  • If you love each other it should not matter correct? Why else would you marry each other if you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with them? Do it just to make him feel safe. I plan on doing the same thing, im a young entrepreneur looking to protect what i worked for.

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  • If someone has a very large inheritance, signing those documents is a must to protect it, otherwise I would never sign a pre-nup. What he did was a sneaky thing, though, no matter how you look at it.

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  • Well, you don't have to sign.

    The flip side is... men have no real incentive to marry, these days. I mean, seriously--can you name two solid reasons for a man to actually marry a woman instead of just living with her? I understand there's a few things like will and who can make decisions for you when hospitalized... things that can be dealt with very, very easily.

    He's not trying to be insulting, he's lowering his risk. Marriage is just a bad deal for men these days.

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  • Regardless of any circumstance I believe a prenuptial agreement is the safest thing you can do at this day and age, considering the really really high divorce/infidelity rate.

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  • I definitely would. Sometimes even that fairy tale marriage can come crashing down resulting in very bitter relations. I wouldn't want to be robbed of my assets to make it worse. ADDING SALT TO THE WOUND

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  • Absolutely. Marriage don't mean shit. You could be the love of my life and best friend today, tomorrow you could be my enemy. People turn on each other just like that, in an instant. I don't care how much I loved my wife, I would NEVER EVER EVER let my guard down.

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  • I'll probably sign a 30 year prenuptial contact. That way if she been married to me that long then I guess she deserves it

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  • No. All a prenup does is show that you don't trust your spouse, and is a way of skirting your responsibilities. It is a mans obligation to care for and support his wife, or ex wife, until another man is present to do so. You've made a commitment. He needs to honor that. Wealthy or not.

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    • And if she backs out on the marriage and takes his hard earned wealth, then what?

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    • Hey dood, you're young, innocent, and ignorant.

      A girl doesn't behave according to the books or whatever garbage some parents spew. She behaves as a human being, a proper respectable person. Not a doll.

      Sometimes, she takes liberties that goes against fairness, and there are laws that perpetuate this unfairness.

      Certain things are done to restore that fairness and balance in the relationship, a pre-nup is one of them.

      Sometimes, the pre-nup is done to protect a girl. (Really rich men who marry a young beautiful virgin and takes her virginity and livelihood away from her, and immediately divorces her, she doesn't get much for losing her virginity and image in return). Yep, there are laws that 'protect' men from 'gold diggers'.

      A pre-nup is a way of showing the man's desire to be fair to her as well if such extenuating circumstances surrounds them.

    • @soneoak firstly, do not mistake my age for ignorance. This age bullshit on here fails to mention certain things. Such as the fact that I will be in your age bracket shortly. Secondly, I don't care what the woman does. You still made that commitment and VOW to care for her, regardless of the circumstances. Maybe you should get to know her a bit better before marrying her. I stand by my statement. You marry her, you take proper care of her. Dood

  • I'd have figured discussion of a pre-nup would have come sooner. Honestly, I would expect to sign one. There are plenty of people out there who treat no-fault divorce as a means to "cash out" of a relationship they're no longer 100% satisfied with. I hear that it's increasingly common for pre-nups to get tossed out of court these days, though, so the protection they offer is questionable.

    If I were in your position, I would sign it.

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  • marriage had always been a business contract. If you dont sign a prenuptial then the default contract applies which is you are entitled to half.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofgYq59QZck

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  • has to be a 2 way street, as for me I got nothing, if she has stuff. she can keep what she has I want nothing out of it

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  • I made my ex sign one. I wouldn't have married her if she didn't. Girls look at it like a trust issue. Someone with money wants to make sure you aren't in it for the money. A lot of money hungry people out there.

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    • Agreed, I would have no issue signing one pertaining to any assets he had before us. There are many things that can be written so its fair for both parties.

  • That what marriage is a joint vent Cher care for each other not just one The old saying WHAT'S YOUR'S AND WHAT'S MINE IS OURS together we are one So don't sine in the long run? if you ever have a fight
    what is going to come up first the (pre-nup) Your giving up all for this marriage but I do think there should
    be a time limpet like how much would you have got at your old job in 5 years?

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  • if it goes both ways I would sign.

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  • Yes I have seen guy's lose everything in a divorce so I don't blame them.

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  • In my case wouldn't matter. What really could a soon to be ex take from me? Lol I hardly make ends meet.

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  • sign the prenup. make sure its in your favor. enough said.

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  • He's an intelligent man *tips hat*

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  • Tell him to piss off. Sounds like he has alternate plans for the future. He should have thought about that before he decided to father children with you.

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    • by the way - If no children were involved, I would feel very different about this...

  • I just wouldn't marry him. If he's acting like this about money just imagine...

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  • What are you afraid of? Are you interested in him or his inhertence? Think of the message your sending...

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    • Think of the message he is sending by dropping this message on her in the way he did. To a lot of people asking for a prenup is basically like saying they don't they have no faith in the possibility of the relationship lasting.

      Considering divorce rates, that's not an unreasonable stance, but to someone who does believe in marriage for life, that's a pretty destabilizing position to take.

  • Yes with u,,, ready for it?

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  • No, this is insincerity..

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  • Given the circumstances you described, you should Not sign the prenup. You should have a lawyer of your own represent you, and if he's unwilling to negotiate, then you break up with him. It sucks that it's been five years, but it's better to call it quits now rather than saddle with a guy who doesn't respect you and won't allow you to act in your own interests.

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    • I have no problems with prenups, if I get married I want one. But it should be a mutual negotiation, not a one-sided twisting of your partner's arm.

  • I have no problem signing a pre nup

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  • I wouldn't marry someone who didn't sign a pre nup. I'll send them looking for another man (which gets harder for women the older they get so good luck)
    If you love him and not his property, I don't see why you wouldn't sign a pre nup? This shouldn't even be a question. It's selfish to not sign it.

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What Girls Said 37

  • This might be a answer from God... Listen if he wants a prenuptial agreement. I would also have my own... I know this isn't fair to you after all this time, but marriage doesn't last these days and people are being smart about what they invest in... If you love him great, but also love yourself to make your on future too... Just think, you could put in you prenuptial agreement that if you win any money in a future lottery that he never get his to have it if there is a divorce, or family wealth... like insurance policies... Give him his on medicine back to him... marriage is like a business... Its really a safe bet... but yes, the marriage thing has to be put on hold... learn how to protect what you have too...

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    • And in your pre-nup, make sure the custody issue and child support issue is addressed.

  • if his inheritance was like 10k, no. not signing a pre-nup. that's dumb. if it was like 100k. yeah, i'll sign one. i don't want his family's money. if i wanted to get "revenge" on a dude, i would do it on a deeper level than finances.

    however, this men only shit lie is NOT acceptable. i wouldn't marry someone like that.

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  • It turns the marriage into a business contract where you may as well just not get married. Takes all the romance out of the marriage - least it would for me.

    Your update concerns me a lot. Prenup or not, any man who expects his wife to give up her career to raise children in 2015 has his head up his ass.

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    • Which is why marriage is dead and divorce rates at an all time high. Look I don't blame women for thinking that way - its entirely acceptable. But why bother getting married in the first place if that's your outlook on it?

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    • I am kinda torn, haha. I was going to upvote your comment, then I read the bottom half. The top half was on point, I dont believe that a marriage should be a business agreement. However, the second half of the comment sounds like it is coming from a bitter femenist.

      I would never sign (or make my gf sign) a prenup before we get married.

      I do, however, want her to take care of the kids when we have kids. Just because I dont want my kids to grow up with their parents only at home at night. If she had. a career, though, that paid better than mine, I would gladly stay at home with the kids.

      I believe that kids should be raised by their parents, not by a day care and public school system.

    • So you want her to sacrifice her career and her body to raise children so you can run around being an adult while depriving her of an adult social life? Kill me now.

  • Sounds like a trust issue. I understand the nervousness when lots of cash is involved but you didn't get together *because* he might be wealthy someday. If there are trust issues, this isn't the beginning of it, and this sure won't be the end either. If you can't have a relationship where you share everything with open honesty and communication, then your marriage is only going to complicate the issue, because now you're stuck legally to this person. Figure out the underlying issues and go from there. Losing deposits on wedding prep is much less expensive than a nasty divorce.

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  • Yes, it's family money that he has going into the marriage so it makes sense for him and honestly his family to automatically want to protect that. Honestly, it's basically expected for trust fund kids to have them so it's probably not even registering as a big deal for him. I know people who have honestly talked about prenups in high school and it's not something they think about as a trust issue or any kind of feeling/thought about the relationship; it's just something that happens. Divorces are messy if one person had a lot of assets going in and it really just acts as a safeguard if something goes wrong.

    However, I'd go over the agreement with a lawyer consider requesting clauses in case of infidelity on his part as well as allowances if children are involved.

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  • Hello There:) You are justified in feeling upset and thrown for a loop in this matter. A pre-nup, while legally standard, is touchy business for some people so the earlier that these things are discussed in a relationship, the better. It wasn't necessarily smart of him to wait so last minute to talk to you about it. He has probably made you feel OBLIGATED to oblige this request, being as though everything for the big day is already set. Have you guys previously discussed the financial terms of your union? Is he to be the "head of household" or primary breadwinner? or are financial matters to be handled as a team? Some trusts come with certain stipulations or rules so he may be legally obligated to carry out these wishes if he expects to inherit anything. Still, he is not handling things in the most ideal light. I think that you should consult an attorney, have them evaluate the terms of the prenuptial agreement and make sure that it is a legally standard and forthright agreement. While you may be turned off by your beau's lack of honesty, this does not have to be a totally negative situation. He has successfully opened the floodgates to negotiation! so now is the time for YOU to lay out any terms that you would like to see legally binding that protect YOU should things go awry in the future. Things such as a division of assets and spousal support should definitely be discussed, considering the fact that he is more "well off" than you are. And simply let him know that the agreement must be an agreement that you are BOTH comfortable with or... NO WEDDING. Period. As far as the "secret family get together", you, again, are justified in feeling hurt by not being invited. You must honestly and openly evaluate whether THIS TYPE of relationship will work for you in the long run. A guy that sneaks prenups and family gatherings may not be the kind of guy WORTHY of your value... which is more than he and his family could EVER afford:) xo

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  • Hire your own attorney to look at it. Negotiate until it protects you both and you are both satisfied.

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  • I'd feel tricked. He basically sprung that on you so that you would feel completely pressured to sign it. I wouldn't marry a guy if he was forcing me to sign some document. If we get married, we're not going to get divorced so there should a mindset of not needing any such sort of pre-nup at all.

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    • Re your update. I wouldn't marry him. He's giving too many red flags

  • Well look at it this was, say you own 3 properties and have like 100,000 saved up. You won't know what kind of person your partner will be in 10 years or where your relationship will be. It could possible end badly and he could be bitter about the whole thing and want to take a few properties or half the money because well y'all are married so it's legally both of y'all's property and can be split whichever way the judge sees fit. It's not a uncommon thing for the wealthy type people to do.

    But if it was brought up one day and never discussed in depth with you and him alone and he avoids it tell him you won't sign until you can have a proper discussion about it and such. But I personally couldn't be with someone who's not open and honest with me about things. I want to know exactly who I'm marrying. I don't want to end up like one of those women in a lifetime movie.

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  • yes, i completely understand why he would want one escpecially since i have to have one if i ever get married. it's most likely either a family thing or a financial thing so if you love him you should sign it. honestly i think everyone should get a pre-nup. with all the divorces and financial issues going on i think people should protect their selves and despite having a pre-nup i think people should try to get their relationships undercontrol rather then being jerks, divorcing and then living off of inheritance.

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  • I wouldn't be signing that prenup and I wouldn't be marrying him either - he sounds like a complete douche

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  • You already know what to do. If you are already not fine with it, it's a sign. You are bothered by this cause you can feel it's wrong. What if he is the one to leave one day because he is simply bored. You would be left broke. I feel for you. Maybe you should prepare for the worst and call up your girlfriends and start grieving the end of this relationship. If you're willing to sign the agreement then you can't be a stay at home mom. His money can pay for the 3 nannies. He is a spineless idiot who won't stand up to his family and a bigger fool to even tell you such B. S.

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  • Don't marry him then. Find somebody else. Block his number and leave no explanation.

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  • I think these conservation should come into serious relationships of the bf/gf phase. This is only minuscule blocked pathway before the aisle, its a normal thing and doesn't necessarily have to mean if you get divorced, but what if something else happens? all the other scenarios, which probably won't.
    I would feel irritated if it was not done over with, but remind him firmly and say how you feel, he may not realized what he is doing.

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  • You can understand where the guy is coming from to a point. If the family strongly aggree to do this then you should, but not do it if you feel pressured. With the whole boxing match thing is really screwed up and you should most definitely talk to him about that.
    Also the fact that he believes you should give up your career after you have kids is even more ridiculous. If you sign the thing fine, but if he expects that from you that's a shame. It should be your choice not his. If something like a divorce ever does happen. And you don't have money you can get because he wanted you to end your career isn't fair at all. It seems like everything you said has been very one sided. What do you get for yourself out of all that?

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  • I highly doubt I'll ever get married. I disagree with most every aspect of it. But I think a prenup just doesn't make sense. I mean if you're so certain there's such a distinct possibility of breaking up after signing a legally binding contract with the person that you'd need a prenup "just in case", chances are you shouldn't be signing that legally binding document

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  • Yes!
    I am do a serious inheritance.
    My guy will have to sign or there is no deal.
    He would be Ok, but the main money will be mine.

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    • and yes if it was the other way around I would not be afraid to sign one.
      I would not sign anything I was opposed to though.
      My older sister married a pretty well off guy.
      They both had pre nups signed, although I don;'t know any details.

  • If you have been living together for 5 years it's already to late for a pre-nup. As for signing one I wouldn't be against it.

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  • I would sign a prenup for sure. Mostly to feel protected incase the relationship didn't work out, which seems to be the case way too often nowadays.

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  • I'd be the one demanding it. I don't even really want to get married, so if I were to ever agree to get hitched I'd need a strict prenuptial agreement put together and signed.

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  • I would, for sure. What's his is his, he earned it. What's mine is mine, I earned it.

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  • yes definitely and i would even suggest it if he is wealthy. i just hope though that he would be sensitive of my feelings like a good reason would be he wants prenup so that i will not be insulted by other people or his family something like that. something that will not make me question his love/trust for me.

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  • He sounds like a sexist pig. It would be one thing if he was increadibly wealthy and you were broke, but for him to expect you to give up a nice high-paying job to take care of children is ridiculous. Especially since if you get a divorce he gets everything and you'll have no money left because you gave up your job.

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  • No way. There's no trust in that relationship.

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  • No because then he doesn't have faith that your marriage will last. Any doubts and you shouldn't marry them.

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  • NO DOB"T EVER DO IT. no matter how "in love" you think u are...

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  • I would sign it to protect myself. I understand something could go bad in the future.

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  • Of course. Though he should have talked to you before hand and brung up the situation better.

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  • I'd sign one, I'm not in it for the money anyway; it's that simple

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    • Has nothing about the money. She has his children. He should have thought about a pre-nup before he started having kids with her.

  • If sign a prenup only if I offer to sign it only if I want to do it from the heart to prove that I love him and only him and that im not in for his money... But if he's the one telling me to sign it should be a sign that he is planning on leaving me sometime or that he doesn't trust me that's pretty offensive to be honest

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