I'm a mistress, am I very wrong in this? Should I stop?

This guy was looking for a girlfriend because he doesn't get what he wants at home; sex. He actually said that on our first date (when I agreed on going on the first date, I didn't know he was married). If it wasn't me, it would be another girl. He is a wonderful husband and has a wonderful family. For some reasons I feel the need to be the filler. I thought I'm clean and I will never do anything crazy to ruin his family so I thought it would be better me than other girls. I've heard him calling his wife and kids he has been nothing but wonderful. Been in this situation for almost 2 years now. But my conscience has been bugging me. Am I very wrong? Should I stop? Is he fooling me? I told him after me, there shouldn't be another girl because it's not worth the risk at all.

Updates:
This is my fault for asking if I should stop. I KNOW i should stop being a mistress. What I meant was how to stop thinking that I'm helping him to keep his family.

0|1
11|10

Most Helpful Guy

  • What about you? You don't talk at all about your thoughts. How do you feel about it? Are you satisfied with this sort of relationship, or do you think you want something more -- or will shortly?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I feel very guilty for sure. It's killing me! But I don't know what to do. I wouldn't even count this relationship. Should I just walk off snd not care about what happens next to him and his family?

    • Show All
    • You're welcome... good luck.

      I have a feeling that you have more feeling for him than you've let on, and after two years it won't be easy to end it.

    • Yes, we both definitely didn't expect ANY of this. He was expecting plain sex, I wasn't expecting this to last this long.

What Guys Said 9

  • 1. Mistress, wife etc are terms that we use for legality or the society. If 2 people are genuine and open to each other with compatibility, they don't need a term
    2. Coming to your question, you didn't know that he was married so it's ok BUT wasn't it his duty to tell you that he was married in first place?
    3. It is not his having a fling on the side that's bothering but his intent which is. There are men and women who need more than one partner to keep their senses alive of sorts and it's again a natural thing
    4. A genuine person would have cleared out things before he started anything which this chap didn't
    5. You are very right about 'if not me then there would be someone else' so it's ok that you tag along
    6. Problem arises when you have expectations other than a good time and sex with him i. e. marriage or breaking his current relationship with his family which you don't hence, it's all fine and ok :-)
    7. As of your guilt regarding his lying to his wife or you breaking a family is concerned, it's not justified cause you aren't doing it :-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmm. If you are starting to worry and have doubts, I think it is time to call it quits. His problem with his wife is between him and her. I think if anything you gave him what he was looking for for a while, but now it is time to move on. Like it or not you are contributing to ruining a family and marriage. You have been actually wonderful to put his thoughts before your own. But now I think it is time for you to move on into a real relationship with someone you can have a future with. Whatever he does from now on is his own business.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you so much for being helpful :)

  • That cockraoch of a martial therapist in Britain Andrew G. Marshall thinks that women should "eat humble pie" in order to win back a cheating husband. The idea that anyone let alone a therapist could think that infuriates me. You of course are in the wrong here too, but I hate the idea that he can get off without any sort of admission that what he did was wrong. I think you should suggest to him that he admit the truth to his wife. If there is goodness left in him he will do that and perhaps partly for the sake of the children she will forgive him. On the other hand if he is a punk who cannot accept that what he has done is wrong than maybe you should tell her. Liars and adulterers should know that if they do not repent (as you are at least doing) they will end up alone with nothing.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Even if you'll continue it, nothing good will come out of this relationship. What do you expect? That he'll dump his wife and kids for you? If he does then you ruined his family and thats worse. So, its better to stop and find someone for yourself. Its a miracle you two managed to keep it a secret for 2 years now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Make sure to visit the karma cafĂ©... there are no menus you get served what you deserve

    0|1
    0|0
  • if his wife knew about it and was ok with it, or if you were joining them together in bed, it would be ok. but a relationship founded on lies is no relationship at all. whether he's lying to you or someone else.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is no way to rationalize being a mistress its wrong.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No I'm not rationalizing. If I break it off he WILL find another girl. And I don't trust this other girl. What if this next girl risks his family even more? Or at least how do I stop thinking like that?

    • Show All
    • I don't think anything about his wife. He never talks bad about her. And I don't want to take him away from his wife.

    • You know its wrong and that's why you are feeling bad about it like you said in your question. You need to stop just find someone else.

  • omg. so wrong way. you have to stop and find another boy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Can u say troll?

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • "He is a wonderful husband"
    Really? Your definition of a wonderful husband is a husband who cheats? Sigh.
    "and I will never do anything crazy to ruin his family"
    Except that you already have; by having sex with him.
    "it would be better me than other girls"
    Why? What makes you such a special snowflake? You're JUST like all the other "mistresses" out there. You're not special. You're just as bad, and you're simply trying to justify your shitty actions by pretending to be better than everyone else. Truth is: you're not. So stop with the bullshit already.
    "Am I very wrong? Should I stop?"
    YES. YES. The fact that you need other people to SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU how wrong it is to help someone cheat is absolutely baffling to me. Get a grip.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I love how you try to rationalize your actions and his. You know this is wrong. You don't need the opinions of people you don't know to tell you this is wrong. What if you were the wife and found out your "great" husband had some ass on the side? How would you feel? Especially knowing that he didn't come to you to have his needs met. How about placing yourself in the shoes of their children? How do you think these kids will react when they find out that their loving family is a sham. You know better.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he's after sex, then he's not looking for a girlfriend. That's not the right name to call that kind of girl. And "if it wasn't me it would be another girl" is such a flawed logic. Then it would be his and the other girl's mistake, not yours. Now it's on you, and him. About your questions: Yes, yes and yes.
    If another girl is not worth the risk, why are you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you're cheap or anything. But to everyone in this thing except you, a woman is a woman. It doesn't matter who she is.

    1|0
    0|0
    • What's the difference between a girlfriend and s simple sex partner? Neither of them is a legally committed relationship.

    • @Struggling A simple sex partner is a hook up. Between a one night stand and a friend with benefit. A girlfriend is someone you're committed to, not legally but emotionally. Someone you want to be happy with. Some people might see it as an investment for the future, to make it a legally committed relationship.

  • This is messy. You know better.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Fucking someone elses husband? hm.. I'm thinking you should stop. If he is unhappy it is his duty to leave. Not to lead his wife on. Are he and his wife even separated?

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is really wrong and bad. You should stop.
    You are not helping their relationship. You are actually ruining it.

    You just tell yourself that to make yourself feel better.

    0|0
    0|0
    • If it was true, I wouldn't bother to be on here and risking to be judged.

    • You are on anonymous. You shouldn't care if you are judged or not

    • It's not about reputation or anything like that. When you feel judged, you just do. The fact that I'm anonymous doesn't mean I can't feel what you guys say to me.

  • He is nowhere near wonderful. If he is, cockroaches can also be called wonderful

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, how would you feel if you where the wife?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't understand how you can refer to him as a "wonderful husband" when he is cheating on his wife. You say he has been nothing but wonderful to his wife and kids but the truth is that if they knew what he's doing behind their back, they wouldn't think he is wonderful. They would feel betrayed. He isn't loyal, neither to his wife nor to his kids.

    I'm not sure why you think he is fooling you. You seem to be aware that he only wants sex from you and doesn't have the guts to leave his family. Why and how do you think he is fooling you? Should you stop? Yes, you shouldn't have even started. I know you rationalise is by saying that if it wasn't you, he'd use some other woman to have sex with. That may or may not be true, it still doesn't mean that you have to be the one.

    I am not sure how you can say he is wonderful, that really surprises me a lot. If he isn't satisfied with the amount of sex he gets from his wife, why doesn't he talk to her and try to fix the problem? Surely cheating on her isn't a solution. To me, he seems like a pathetic and gutless coward who doesn't have the guts to leave the comfort his wife and kids provide.

    1|1
    0|0
    • What I meant by fooling me: making me think that I'm helping him to help his family
      what I meant by wonderful: he never talks bad about his wife, never leaves his family behind, they're not neglected, never sacrifices his time with his family for me. I know people around me that cheat and the victim of cheating and none of them look like this.
      Why he didn't try to talk to her: he did. They tried things to solve this problem but didn't find any solution. Solution means he can have his needs fulfilled but doesn't make his wife feel uncomfortable. The other option is to get a divorce.

  • We have enough lies in here.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is very, very wrong- if his wife and kids found out, they'd be devastated. As someone who was cheated on, reading this absolutely broke my heart, you could destroy their family (mind you it's his fault for seeking out a mistress in the first place). Those kids will grow up with divorced parents and their lives will be so much harder and more complicated because of it. Please, please break it off, it's so not worth it at all!!!

    0|0
    0|0
    • If I break it off he WILL find another girl. And I don't trust this other girl. What if this next girl risks his family even more?

    • Show All
    • Well to be honest it sounds like you don't care about his family to begin with, you've already helped him destroy his marriage and inevitably his wife will find out and she will leave home. If you cared about his family you wouldn't have started seeing him in the first place. There's absolutely no way you end up being in the right here. He's married, he cheated, that's that. Marriage over.

    • Your making excuses. His family is not your problems

Loading...