Why is it a big deal if you have sex out of marriage?

Why is it a big deal for someone to be having sex out of marriage? I'm 19 and only have/had one sexual partner and don't see the problem.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's only a big deal under pre-1960s moral codes.

    For most of human history, your family/clan name, heraldry titles, lands, possessions, etc. were passed down in a defined way from father to first-born son (generally), and with a well-defined line of succession. As such, true-born sons were extremely important, both from a religious viewpoint and from a social/legal/economic one, and so having bastard children (children not fathered by the legally-married husband) was a big problem that had to be guarded against. Keep in mind too that religious views were much more closely integrated into social customs and mores than they are today.

    Now, it was also recognized that teens are horny and want to have sex, and will. But pre-1960, sex was almost certain to lead to pregnancy (no effective birth control), so it was completely normal for people to get married at (what now seems like) a very young age - the average girl was married at 15, and being married as young as 12 and 13 wasn't unusual or especially notable. Girls were expected to be virgins on their wedding day, but this wasn't a very high hurdle given the young marriage ages.

    All of this started to change post-WWII with the rise of science and technology, and came to a head as the Baby Boomers became adults in the mid-late 60s, fully embracing science and tech and rejecting the strict religion-influenced social mores (and had the tech and education to support them). Today, the average age of first marriage is 30, and no one in their right mind would expect girls to remain virgins til their 30s. But even though the times and morals have changed, people have found it hard to change what they tech their children - they tend to go back to what their parents taught them, even though they KNOW that those teachings are out-of-date. Too many people can't seem to think for themselves and make their own adjustments based on modern realities.

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What Guys Said 26

  • only religious people are against it i guess...

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    • Understood.

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    • I'm not going to disagree with that, however, saying "someone believes this because someone else believed it first" is a cop out answer if you ask me. There are reasons people follow ideologies, whether they are themselves independent thinkers, or they aren't but they follow independent thinkers blindly.

      Everything you do, you either thought was a good idea, or someone else did and you trusted their judgement.

    • I understand where you are getting at. Though I believe the way someone thinks was mainly based on which ideology they were brought up on. I was born catholic, but was never taught about the religion even though my parents were devoted Catholics, we just never went to church. If my parents would've forced me to go to bible school, I might have become a different person. Though I highly doubt because I just didn't agree with the teachings and then see people go against them right after they were preached.

  • For me it's extremely helpful for chemistry as I am a really affectionate guy and such. So it's fairly natural for me to get sexually involved. I am however not like many of the couples who are reckless about it.

    I notice on one hand that many girls hold back so much to the point where the guy feels she's not interested. But I also notice many guys act as if it's the only thing that matters at all. I feel a balance is definitely needed and that couples should seriously use condoms. I work a second job at a grocery store and see far too many girls who are even as young as 16 with a child and it's really ridiculous.

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    • Understood and agreed. My boyfriend and I work things out in our relationship and I would have to say we make a really good team.

  • Because some people are religious bigots and can't get over the fact that it's forbidden by the Bible. However, the Bible forbids a plenty of completely normal things and nobody even thinks about it, like:
    - eating pigs, rabbits, shrimps and oysters,
    - picking up grapes that have fallen on the ground,
    - mixing fabrics in clothing (a 10% polyester shirt is blashpemous),
    - trimming your beard,
    - getting a tattoo,
    and many others. Christians cherry-pick what they like, because they don't find some parts relevant today (obviously). Well, you can say that "no sex before marriage" isn't relevant either.

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    • Trimming beard? Where is it forbidden?:D

    • Leviticus 19:27: "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard."

  • In older times strict monogamy and fidelity was the way to keep the riches in the family : someone who had a child out of wedloclock might spend money on that child , even on his mistress and the family members wouldn't get that money/land at his dead.
    In the family or in the tribe.

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    • edit wedlock*

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    • Write or mail to your representative : it may swing a vote.

    • I've done that since the age of 14

  • Its not a problem yet. It won't become a problem unless you breakup with him, and then I won't have to explain it to you.

    Hope you guys stay together and everything goes great.

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    • So far no problems and we've been dating for three years. We really don't see us breaking up and hope to marry in the future.

    • Once I finish with college and come back from air force bmt.

    • I'm glad to hear that. =)

  • It isn't. People just make a big deal out of everything.

    Just accept whatever consequences befall you.

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  • Just wait until you get pregnant! :)

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    • First off, I'm on birth control. Second of all, my boyfriend and I have already discussed the possibility of that and have a game plan. Third of all, at least I have a career and can afford to take care of the child.

      :)

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    • Well I completely am happy with my insurance. Also it generally covers funeral costs as well.

      I'm don't commenting on this thread. Good day

    • Good day!

  • It a way for other to push their views on and to control others. Its a form of sexual repression.

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    • Understood. Though I don't know how people would know someone lost theirs before marriage unless they were stalking them. You know what I mean?

  • There is no problem at all. And it's not a big deal.

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  • I'm agnostic so I see no problem with it.

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  • another reason i was always told is to make the guy chase you because if he's just out for sex he wouldn't wait where as someone who loves you will

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    • Well technically it was more me that wanted to do it. We waited a pretty good three years though.

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    • he sounds like a wise man! and your always welcome !

    • He is. He served in the army for 21 years and tried his hardest with his son. I look up to my father and all he's done.

  • The real problem is if you change your partners as if they're your socks. Then you won't find someone to marry at all.

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    • It's a good thing I don't do that then.

  • It's not necessarily a big deal. It depends on who you ask really. Some find it terrible, some are okay with it, and some embrace it.

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  • Your magical sky daddy is very angry with you!

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    • I'm not religious. So this does not apply to me.

    • I'm teasing. Good for you doing what you wanted, as opposed to what other people wanted.

  • It breaks trust... I wouldn't be married if she did it and I stay loyal to her in return. Why she I stay otherwise.

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    • Should I *

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    • I'm not big on looking at celebrities.
      I lost mine to my boyfriend as he did his to me and we are really committed to each other. Unlike a lot of people, we try to make it work and aim to get married in the future.

    • Plus that you know celebrities also lie?

  • I agree. But some religions forbid it...

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    • Understood. Though I feel a lot of people go against what their religion preaches in some shape and form.

    • edit: dealt
      sorry

    • of course. The parents did it, so they instill what they were taught to their children and expect them to follow what they did, hence its a joke

  • Religion mostly.

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  • because some retarded extremists read into the bible that you will go to hell for it xD

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  • If you have sex outside of marriage God and Jesus won't love you!

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    • I've probably done more good and helped more people out within my life than anyone on this earth has ever done. Now you are telling me that two individuals who probably don't exist won't love me for having sex out of marriage, but loves anyone who doesn't and shows hatred towards everyone?

    • Also I'm not a christian so this would not affect me at all.

    • "I've probably done more good and helped more people out within my life than anyone on this earth has ever done." Don't over sell it I almost still believe!
      Also i don't believe in god or Jesus im just fucking with ya, but that a view point of a lot of people.
      You have to invite jesus into you heart to be saved and loved till then you can burn in hell from my understanding. Truth be told i would rather burn no need for a heater or a light smoke up.

  • 1. Condoms do not protect against all STD's.
    2. Abstinence is the only sure method against conception even when the ckndom is put on properly and does not bresk..
    3. Sex is an emotional and social act establishing a bond between two people (even in a one night stand) with social consequences, whether feelings of jealousy, awkwardness, etc.
    4. Having sex with multiple partners can develop a bad habit leading to sexual compulsivity disorder, sometimes referred to as sex addiction. It actually rewires the brain accordingly.

    Those are just some reasons.

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  • I don't either. Who is causing this raucous?

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  • Only to people who believe in non-premarital... those are the people you'll piss off. They have their reasons for not having sex before marriage. So, why bother them?

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    • I don't know how it would bother them since they looked on here to read the comment whenever they know what it's about. Also it shouldn't bother them if they aren't looking into people's houses.

    • Because the site is a mixture of both people who believe in it, and those who don't

    • I understand that. I just don't understand why they would be looking it up though. You know what I'm saying?

  • If it's your preference that's good but everyone's entitled to each to their own, i highly doubt that you have a sex life cause 70% females on here lie

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    • Umm. I do have a sex life with the guy, who is my boyfriend, included in my picture.

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    • Also are you high on something?

    • Lol.. this thread is getting funny. Gotta love it.

  • Thirst are the dumbest answer that I've ever heard in my life how stupid and can be in this world all these answers has just proved that to me it is sin!!! Is the reason why sex out side marriage is wrong you can be forgiven thou but it's not the will of God to have sex outside of marriage not at all it is your own will that causes you to want to it's human nature as the original sin from Adam and Eve when that are the fruit from the tree of life!! That's why there is sin is in the world and a lot of people doesn't really understand what the word sin actaully means and I will tell you the meaning of the word sin is disconnection from God which means you have no fellowship with God and it also means that you will die spiritually is what sex out side of wedlock mean because sex is ment to bring 2 people as one spiritually that's what it's designed for and what the original sin that's why Jesus Christ came into the world to die for the sins of the world that way we all might have fellowship with God again Jesus was the scarifice of all sin

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    • I believe I wouldve understood what you wrote if you knew how to write a full paragraph correctly. Also another thing, a lot of people of the Christian faith go against what their religion preaches in some shape and form.
      Also by what I picked up, if Jesus supposively died for our sins, there is no worry on it since it would be no more.

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    • First.. Since we're preaching at each other... Jesus also said" Judge not, lest ye be judged. "

      Second, God is a God of love... Am I right?
      So, how so do you convince someone of this when you're not just preaching at them.. but almost jumping down their throat?
      Peter, in one if his epistles also said to be ready to give an answer for your faith in a peaceable manner. With your response, I see no peace or love, I see condemnation.

    • @iLoveLadies I agree with you on that. I remember whenever I was a Christian before I converted to my current religion that we were taught to love and not shove our beliefs down someone's throat. I try not to, but whenever someone does it to me I have no problem doing it back

  • Because there's a chance you'll get pregnant and having a child out of wedlock increases the risk of all kinds of problems for that child.

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    • Well my boyfriend and I already have a game plan for if that happens. Also a lot of people have sex out of marriage and they never end up pregnant.

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    • OK, cool. As long as you're aware. When you said "people have sex out of marriage and they never end up pregnant" you had me worried.

    • Understood. What I was getting at is that there's a 50/50 chance of it occurring.

  • There's a lot of 19 year olds that don't see future problems.

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    • Though if you are on birth control, have a high paying job, and go to college, like myself, along with having a boyfriend who actually cares. I wouldn't see how bad the future would be.

What Girls Said 10

  • I waited because I dated a lot of different guys who treated me like crap and I then found a guy who wanted me for me. He treated me like I deserved and he flat out told me he was going to marry me. 2 years later we have been married 6 months.

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    • Congratulations. That is the same way with my boyfriend and I. He's 18 and I'm 19 and a week after we started dating he said that he wants to marry me.
      We've been dating seven months and have no problems at all and we are still happy with each other.
      He loves me for me and he treats me like a queen.

  • It's really up to the person. Some people couldn't care less, some people care a great deal. Other people's sex lives aren't really my business. For me personally, I only want to share my body with the person I marry, which will be the person I'm in love with, my soulmate, whatever-you-wanna-call-it. I'm not terribly religious, but sex for me is a really huge deal. I don't trust people very easily, so the day when I trust someone enough to reveal my body completely to them will be when I meet the person I want to marry.

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    • Understood.
      That's why I lost my virginity with my current and first boyfriend. I opened myself up to him because I trust him and I wouldn't mind marrying him.

    • Then you have nothing to worry about I think. ^-^
      Some people just like to give others a hard time. It's usually their own insecurities talking, so I wouldn't look too much into it! ;)

    • Alright and thank you.

  • You’d have to ask the exact person who thinks it’s such a big deal. If someone in particular gave you that idea, then try to ask them so you can get a more specific reasoning. The most common reason seems to be that the bible forbids sex before marriage.

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    • It's always about what the bible says that I hear about it.
      I personally believe about everyone sins in one way or another. Even the ones who preach if.

  • Anymore, people do that a lot. So it isn't a big deal unless it's a religious deal or something. In my opinion, waiting until marriage is the best thing to do. But in lots of others' opinions, you can do it whenever you want and with whomever you want. There are also lots of other opinions of that nature.

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  • Cause they say evil little red dude with horns is waiting for you now D: rlv.zcache.co.uk/...d2da4daa6b_v9waf_8byvr_324.jpg

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    • The parody of pan to make him look like the devil. At least hell will be warmer than where I live at. Lol.

  • you mean having sex before marriage?
    I am fine with it
    but different people have different reasons why they chose it

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    • Understood.

      I just really don't understand why it's a big deal even whenever you intend to be with that person.

    • To some people, they feel that sex is sacred and they want to do it with that partner on the first night.
      But many i think are because of religion.

    • Understood.

  • I don't really see the problem either. Like imagine both you and your husband haven't had sex before marriage and you're on your honeymoon? The sex is gonna be terrible, that's why it's better to have experience to know what you guys like/don't like

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    • Agreed. My boyfriend and I are teaching each other what we like, we both lost out virginities together, and we both aim to get married one day and work at the relationship.

  • restating jacquesvol,

    because of older times=
    there was no protection,
    there was and still is religion,
    sometimes its generally not safe.

    I don't know do what you want, just try to not break the condom.

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    • It hasn't broken yet and I'm also on the pill.
      Back then they did have condoms, but not really beneficial in prevention. Also a lot of people had children out of wedlock even though it was against their religion.
      It really wasn't until during the Renaissance whenever christians knew what their bible actually said because the pope would just say the beliefs during mass.

  • ... Who said it is a big deal?

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  • having sex out of marriage ain't a big deal

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