Is my fiance settling?

My boyfriend of the past year proposed. I said yes. I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but i feel maybe he is settling? He is ten years older than me but age doesn't bother me, he says it doesn't bother him either. But we never go out, if we do its fishing, he loves fishing and spending all his time doing so. If we have plans to go out that day, we fish. We dont go to movies, or dinner. Usually we take my toddler with us when we go fishing, but he fishes while i make sure my kid doesn't fall in the water. And if we aren't fishing we are smoking together in silence mostly. Im a hermit per say, lol, i dont like to be crowded or go out a lot. But once a year isn't too much to ask for, right? When i told him id like to go out and do something he says we have no money or that we do go out. When i mentioned we only ever fish or smoke he gets offended saying he does, or guilts me asking if im unhappy. So i drop the discussion because he doesn't see it. Even if i offer to pay he rather stay home smoke and do nothing or go fishing. He even wants to get married on a boat so he can fish, and im TERRIFIED of the water. If i can't see my ankles im in fear. And he knows this.


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What Guys Said 1

  • This is the life that you are getting yourself into. The rest of your life will be like this. If you cannot have a honest conversation with him, then you might not be very happy.

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    • We do have honest conversations, only when i bring up going out does he get offensive or upset

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    • I dont mind being home or doing the same thing, its when we have a 'date' or family day, its the same. there's no difference between our dates and the days we spend as a family.

    • Oh, if thats what he's saying we will talk about this. But i do kind of understand since everyone has urges and his last relationship ending with betrayal. He could still trust me and be worried still

What Girls Said 1

  • I'd say the one 'settling' is you. If he isn't willing to compromise even a little bit, or make an effort to do something that he knows makes you happy, it might be time to end the relationship and look for someone who has more in common with you. Or you could work on your fear of the water and resign to never go out to eat again. Ever. Just remember... what you are committing yourself to, you are also committing your child to. Do you want your kid to grow up never being able to eat at a resturaunt or go places?

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    • I know im not settling since i have other options but i love him, i only want us to do more as a couple. I have worked on my fear, even got on a boat to sea with him so i could see him that weekend. I go to the beach and play in the water with his daughter and my daughter while he fishes, even when i can't see my feet but i try. He does try but its the bare minimum. For example, i am a movie buff so i suggest since we dont go out lets watch a movie at home and cuddle. He'll cuddle but be asleep before the opening previews are done, sometimes even say wake me up when its over. And i mention this to him and how it upsets me but he denies that we never doing anything together

    • Hmmm. My man doesn't always understand how much things like that mean to me, either. We have a journal that we share where we write letters to each other about things like that. Sometimes he will write things that he would never speak out loud. Have you ever tried writing him a letter?

    • No i haven't, thats a great idea. I will try that for sure

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