What do you think about involving your mother-in-law in your wedding preparations? It's my wedding, so why should I involve her?

My wedding is coming up this summer but I'm not involving my mother-in-law in anything. It's because it's my wedding and I don't see why I should involve her. It's MY day and I just want everything to be my way.

This past weekend I was at my fiance's friends birthday dinner at his house and his fiance is planning their wedding too and she talked about how she let her mother-in-law be in charge of the table decor and the wedding invitations. I said I'm not involving my mother in law in anything and she asked why and I told her why. She said that out of respect she decided to let her mother-in-law be a part of her big day and she's happy she did because she's being helpful and made the invitations look so pretty. But I don't really care I can do everything myself and I'll make everything look good too why do I need to involve my mother-in-law? It's my wedding not hers!

My friends agree with me, but my fiance's friend's fiance and her friends didn't agree with me. other girls at the dinner party who got married before said they also involved their family members and their husband's family members. I think that's fine for them but in my opinion it's my wedding and my big day.

  • Involve my mother-in-law and share my big day. Let her be in charge of some things
    38% (5)29% (2)35% (7)Vote
  • Do not involve my mother-in-law at all, it's my big day and it's none of her business what I do
    23% (3)14% (1)20% (4)Vote
  • Include my mother-in-law to help make decisions
    39% (5)57% (4)45% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Let her do something. Even if I knew that I was capable of handling a whole wedding, it is nice for family members and/or close friends to participate in it, it makes them feel good and it is a time to bond. Just out of curiosity, are you paying for your entire wedding?

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    • My boyfriend and I are splitting it. His mom offered at first to get the desserts and pay for them herself but I wanted to approve of the desserts she chose so she decided not to do it anymore and told me it's okay if I just want to do the wedding myself. Which I said i wanted to do from the beginning I never asked her to offer to take care of desserts.

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    • Just include her anyways! that's family for you

    • Thank you for Most Helpful :)

What Guys Said 8

  • i voted A but AorC is what I'd choose

    throw her a bone. no sense in making this an issue. don't forget her little boy is getting married. you'll have him forever. there must be some things you can either delegate to her or consult with her on. maybe let her handle something but ultimately you have the final say.

    people want to be involved in a wedding. so let them to an extent. obviously the day is about you and your fiancé but other people are personally vested. no sense in creating any drama or conflict over something small like, sure you can contact the caterer and give them our menu or something like that (a menu you and your fiancé created)

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  • Unless you are eloping the day is being shared.

    I would suggest being pretty focused on what you and your fiancé want for the ceremony. It's for you two. Everyone else is a witness

    The reception is a big party. That's it. It's in your honour but it's -for- everyone who attends.

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  • You aren't just marrying your fiance. You're marrying into his family--that includes his mother, who I assume he would like you to have a good relationship with. Perhaps reaching out to her on her SON'S day (it isn't just YOURS) might bode well for the future.

    The celebration isn't just for you, by the way. Think of it as the celebration as a thank you gift you are giving your guests.

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    • well even if it's a celebration for everyone it's still my day and my wedding and I don't see how it's disrespectful to not involve my mother-in-law

    • Do as you please, your life, don't take our word for it. But it may be a good time to reflect on your attitudes and relationships, as well as to reflect on why the divorce rate is at 50% of marriages.

    • He wouldn't divorce me because of his mom. His brother doesn't like me and was always rude to me so now they barely talk because of me and they were best-friends when I first met my fiance. So he decided not to like me and was rude to me and my brother obviously chose me over him because now his brother barely comes over. If he ever had to chose between me or his family I'm sure he'd chose me so we wouldn't ever get divorced we'll be together forever.

  • It is true , it is your day without a doubt. But look at it like this involving her in some aspects will go a long way in keeping the peace between the two of you.

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    • lol I dont really care if we get along or not I know how to handle people i don't get along with

    • Ohh ok

  • you get to be the star of the day, but its not all about you. its about the joining of your family and his family. you and your fiance should be making the ultimate decisions but include your soon to be mother in law in the process

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  • I'm with you do what you want it's get sod all to do with anyone else.
    I never involve or tell my family or friends in anything it's my private life got fuck all to do with them.
    I know it's may be different to most as it's a wedding to for both husband and wife etc .
    If he want's her involved say she can do something for his suite or bucks night

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    • I know I agree with you thanks for agreeing. I don't see how thinking the way we think is being selfish

    • you're are welcome

  • It's not 'your' day. There are two of you. Why shouldn't be get just as much say about how the wedding goes as you do? Maybe it'd make him happy to know that you were getting along. Don't be selfish.

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    • He doesn't really care he already said it's my wedding I can do whatever I want

  • Is she paying for any of it? If not then she doesn't get a say unless I ask for her opinion, she gets an invite and that's it! lol

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    • she offered to pay for a few things but that meant she would have had a say so I kind of just didn't respond and never brought it up

    • now I just avoid talking about the wedding around her so she doesn't try to involve herself

    • Probably the best way to handle it, don't provide an entry point.

What Girls Said 8

  • keep the peace. you're going to have to deal with the woman for a long time. don't start your marriage off with a grudge from the in-laws, especially THE in-law with the most potential to annoy the hell out of you. pick something simple/small for her to help out with. (:

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    • there really isn't anything that I want her to do. I'm really not going to let her do anything I just wanted to know what other people think and if you would let your mother-in-law do anything and why you would. What's the big deal? She has to get along with me anyway I'm marrying her son no matter what

    • lol, that doesn't mean she has to get along with you.

    • well even if we don't get along then I just won't go see her much. My sister took her husband away from his family I can do the same

  • I would defiantly let my mother in law help. Even if it was as simple as taking her shopping with me to look at flowers or do a cake test. It is not just your day, it is a union between you and your husband it brings two families together and merge them into one.

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    • Well I'd rather just pick everything myself. I already took her with me to look at my dress I don't really have time to involve her in everything.

  • Its not just your day, a wedding is a ceremony celebrating the union of TWO people, one of them is her child no matter how old he gets he'll always be her baby boy when you say those vows promising to take care of each other , you're kind of making them to her as well just he's making them to your family its like "hey I love them I got them you don't have to worry anymore ". . So give the old gal a break :)

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  • A wedding is a union of two souls... It's not just YOUR day. Sorry to be the one to break it to you, sweetheart. It's just as much his day as it is yours. Sure, you get to dress like a princess and no one will be able to keep their eyes off you, but you're not the reason everyone is gathered together. Everyone is joined together to watch you and your fiancé give yourselves to one another. It's not just about you, if it is... You may want to rethink a few things. And your friends aren't doing you any favors allowing you to continue to think that way. Give your future MIL a chance to participate in her son's wedding.

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  • Just think, she is the one who gave birth to the one the you are getting married to. I was wanting to get my future husbands mom a really nice vacation because she raised an amazing man. But some stuff happened and she's not the person i thought she was

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  • IDK!
    When my older sister got married his mom got all pushy.
    My mom let her get the band she insisted on.
    But she also ordered another cake too.
    It was soo weird.
    Two wedding cakes.
    We just took ours home.
    HHHHHHHH

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  • If you don't want your mother-in-law involved, don't let her be. Unless she's paying for it, she gets no say.

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    • I know I agree and I dont see how it's selfish. She offered to pay for dessert or do something else but I just didn't respond and ignored her request. I don't know what makes her think she has a say. I'm so glad there are other ladies who think like me.

  • My potential mother-in-law has been a bitch to my boyfriend for years and I would have absolutely no problems not inviting her to our wedding or to be a part of our life once we start one together.

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    • That sounds like my ideal scenario haha

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