I still want a ring. I just don't want to put myself and my boyfriend through all the trouble of marriage- my parents were never happy, and I don't believe in divorce.
I feel like marriage becomes this dark cloud over your heads. This is really based on my childhood, because my parents always fought.
And yet, I want him to propose. I feel torn. On one side, I'm very old fashioned. But on the other, I don't want to corner both him and myself in a box if things don't work out.
I do know we both love each other very much. But doesn't marriage sometimes ruin even the best of relationships?
Advice and opinions are welcome :)
this is really more just a discussion that could maybe help me decide what to do :\
The poll is just to see what a person's personal opinion is, of which is better.
- Marriage66% (61)52% (33)60% (94)Vote
- Living Together/ Long Term Relationship as Boyfriend/Girlfriend34% (32)48% (30)40% (62)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
I love this quote--I apologize for the length:
"I’m asked with increasing frequency, “But why marry?”, a question to be taken seriously. The desire to make sure that there is integrity in love, that neither partner wants to use or manipulate the other, is a healthy one. But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other much ask themselves how much they love for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take.
If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation.
When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together, we become a new creature.
[Someone once said]…that marriage is a question not of creating a quick community of spirit by tearing down and destroying all boundaries, but rather a good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solidtude. My love for my husband and his for me is in that unknown, underwater area of ourselves where our separations become something new and strange, merge and penetrate like drops of water in the sea. But we do not lose our solitudes, or our particularity, and we become more than we could alone."
-Madeliene L’Engle, The Irrational Season
I hope this helps. I'm too young myself to say that I have real experience with marriage, but I read a TON about it, as part of my interest in sociology, psychology, religion... I could point you to a few blogs that talk about this struggle of living together versus married life from personal experiences, if you'd like.4