Why are some people who wait till marriage overly praised?

I have seen certain replies such as ''every girl should be like that'' or ''you're a real gem''.

I'm a virgin but have no interest in waiting till marriage (if it helps, I don't think I even care about marriage). I'm ok with a relationship. I don't see how does not having sex till marriage make you more important and valuable overall than others that don't do that. I don't think anyone is more or less valuable but rather just another person that needs to find someone that wants that lifestyle too.


2|2
11|19

Most Helpful Girl

  • Probably because some people have this idea that being a virgin makes someone more valuable and "worthy" as a human being. I have said this numerous times on here and I'll say it again, I am not a walking vagina. My sexual experience or lack thereof does not make me any more or less "worthy" or "respectable" than anyone else.

    Personally, I don't care if someone wants to wait until marriage or not, that's their personal decision. But like @CHARismatic110 said, the problem I have is with people who try to push their views onto others or who make underhanded jabs at those who chose a different lifestyle. For instance I can't stand when some virgins use the excuse "I have self-control, self-worth, patience, blah blah blah just because I'm waiting until marriage." In my honest opinion, that's just a bunch of bullshit that they spout off to make themselves feel superior.

    Just because someone is waiting for marriage doesn't mean they automatically possess those qualities and just because someone chose to have sex before marriage doesn't mean they don't have those qualities. Personally speaking, I'm just sick of the holier than thou people (especially on here). I think everyone should just mind their own business and stop shaming those who made a different choice (to wait or not to wait).

    3|3
    0|0

Have an opinion?

0/2500

Send It!
Sponsored

What Guys Said 19

  • The person is not gem BUT he/she is carrying a lot of gems like:
    ‚óŹDiscipline
    ‚óŹPurity
    ‚óŹDetermination
    ‚óŹAccuracy
    ‚óŹSelf control
    Etc
    Which are very good and appreciatiable qualities.

    4|4
    3|0
  • The reason is that people want validation in the choices that THEY make. It is really all about them. They have made the decision to wait, or they made that decision when they were younger. And because society has finally started to move to the point where people are more free to pursue happiness and growth outside of breeding ownership contracts, some people feel that their decision to wait is... not popular. (and yes, modern marriage is not really about the ownership of female breeding rights any more, and I am actually happily married, but that really is how the whole thing originated...) People that have made the decision may feel that they may be making a mistake. Or that if other people make a different decision, they are somehow missing out. So every person that makes the same decision they make validates their own decision.

    Your virginity makes every virgin feel just a little bit better about their own virginity. If you give yours up outside of marriage, every virgin waiting for marriage feels that little twinge of doubt. So they want to reinforce their decision as the 'best' decision. You can tell someone is insecure about decisions they have made if they need to try and have other people make the same decision. If they were 100% comfortable with it, it wouldn't matter what anyone else did.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know I guess because we practice self control and the will to go against our own desires, it's not exactly easy or enjoyable but it's what we do and we have our reasons for it. And it not only shows patience, but a high value of self worth, self respect, morality, patience and will power to resist what the crowd views as the norm. I don't view myself as better then other people because of it, I am simply following what I believe to be the right path.

    4|2
    1|0
    • It's ok if that's what you want and think it's right for you. It's when some people think your types are the better and keep calling them a gem (along with insisting that they wish everyone would follow that path) that's annoying.

    • Show All
    • Preach brutha!

    • I'm right with you man!

  • I think women that wait are stupid.
    And when they get older they are going to hate themselves for waiting.
    Esp if anyone does it for religious reasons which I cannot even talk about because that is so friggin ridiculous.
    sex is a very important part of an adult relationship.
    You cannot always "Learn" to be compatible. You need to know your compatible before marriage. Otherwise it will be short lived.
    If you need it to be "special" find a guy that you have feelings for and let him screw you. A guy will always remember his first time. Mine was Tracy Minnis, August 29, 1987.

    2|0
    1|1
  • The discipline involved is impressive, but other than that I generally agree.

    6|1
    0|0
  • there are just more risks involved with people who decide to not wait, that's it. the risks are shitty if you are ill prepared, and vice versa.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Because they grow up thinking that waiting until you sign a legal document makes the activity more valuable.

    If you believe in it strongly enough, it's true! Because you will actually feel that way, that it is important!

    In reality, it's just a goddamn piece of paper. And metallic circles on your appendages.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Nope, I don't believe in god and don't really care about marriage. All I care for now is finishing HS and furthering my education... then getting into a meaningful relationship along the way.

    • so what does "marriage" have to do with that

      a relationship can be "meaningful" without signing legal documents and buying overly expensive rings

  • Because waiting until marriage is ideal and literally better for society.

    When girls and guys wait until marriage, and presumably marry young (like 22 instead of 30) it's better for society. Less bastard children on welfare, less STDs, less girls going crazy from getting pumped and dumped by thugs/bikers, etc.

    Not to mention, when girls marry as virgins, the odds of them getting divorced and/or cheating go way down. And when divorce rates are down and families both form and remain intact, society benefits.

    And let's face it. If you're a sane guy and you've got a heart, it's disturbing and upsetting to wade out into dating and see how sooo many girls are completely fucked in the head from dating trash. A lot of women literally shouldn't get to choose who they date, for their own good... we guys can look at a guy and in 60 seconds size up he's garbage. Women? "He's really sweet inside, the power of my vagina will change him!"

    0|0
    0|1
    • Besides not being interested in marriage at all, being married at 22 won't benefit me in furthering my education. Not only do I want to finish HS and then go to college, but also get both the Master's and Doctorate's. That's going to take until my very late 20's. Yeah, like I or the guy would be interested in waiting that long...

    • and how about just being interested in a meaningful relationship? Nothing in life has to be both extremes. Just because I don't want marriage, doesn't mean I want to screw every guy at a party.

  • In a secular sense, outside of the self control to not engage in sex (especially being a girl),

    virginity is overrated.

    I don't think of a girl as "more" because she hasn't had sex.

    0|0
    0|0
    • If I were forced to not engaged in sex ever unless married, then I might as well be a single virgin and proceed towards furthering my education or become a lone traveller since not all of us girls want marriage either.
      But yes virginity is overrated. That alone doesn't defined someone as the greatest being ever. Elliot Rodger was a virgin and a spree killer; that's basically the total opposite of having values and morals.

  • Cultural relativism

    1|0
    0|0
  • because other virgins are insecure and need to reassure themselves that they shouldn't be ashamed of it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't be bothered about that shit
    A woman is always a woman (be it a virgin or non virgin) beautiful deep down and pure at heart ūüėä
    Dont worry about what other say or think

    2|0
    0|0
  • Honest answer?

    Because back in the 1800s and prior, women who had sex became pregnant. So a promiscuous woman would have had a much larger chance of carrying another man's child.

    Promiscuous women also show much higher rates of divorce, mental instability, and unhappiness later in life.

    Them's the facts.

    0|0
    1|1
    • Ok how about just wanting to further my education and being in a meaningful relationship?

    • What about it?

    • That wouldn't make me promiscuous... just simply a girl that wants a relationship and isn't really thinking of marrying the guy

  • Because it's believed to be the original design of sex.

    There are also evidences to support this. people who wait have significantly lower chances to divorces. Divorce rates are 51 percent for the general public

    0|1
    1|0
    • Original design? Since when? Marriage didn't exist in pre-historical times and it was just invented by someone with the purpose of religion.

    • =) do what u want if u don't want to consider things. But I won't argue

  • It just shows patience and what not

    0|0
    0|0
    • I don't care for marriage. I have patience for a relationship, that's what I want after I graduate.

    • Okay then maybe its just the people around you like a traditional things that's how it is in my culture.

  • Self control goes a long way

    1|0
    3|0
    • I do have self control but I just have no interest in being in a 2-4 year-old sexless relationship. Waiting for a relationship is also self control, only difference is I don't need a ring nor sign a document to have sex when I can have commitment by just being with him.

    • It's only self-control if you have a reason not to do something.

      Like, if I'm on a diet and I eat a cupcake, you could say I have poor self-control (I ate the cupcake despite the fact that I wanted to limit the unhealthy things I was eating).

      But if I'm not on a diet and I eat a cupcake, did I have poor self-control? No, because I wasn't trying to control what I ate. If I didn't eat the cupcake because I had no desire to eat it, did I exert self-control? No, because I didn't want it in the first place.

      In the same way, if I want to save sex for marriage, but I have sex before I get married, then you could say I had poor self-control. But if I want to have sex and see no reason to abstain, so I have it, then how is that poor self-control?

      People have different views on sex and in what ways we should "control" our sexual behaviours. Saying that someone who doesn't wait until marriage lacks self-control is silly.

  • I don't get it either. I find it creepy. It's like social control.

    0|0
    2|1
  • You will be fine n teased by your friends n family if you are still virgin in America n Europe ... :8

    Being virgin means :
    Self control
    Self discipline
    Self respect

    0|0
    2|1
    • Or you can be a virgin and still have no self control nor those other two items you just mentioned but in other areas (not just sex). How about a virgin that is an alcoholic or does drugs but he/she simply never had sex? Are they a person worth of great respect too and too admire?

      An extreme case was Elliot Rodger... he was a virgin but a killer. That's already not having any values at all.

    • Alcoholic.. He is bad too

  • People on here like to praise virgins because none of them would fuck their introverted asses in the first place, so it makes them feel better.

    2|0
    0|1
    • Not sure about this. I've seen certain folks that are very religious and keep those views even when they can get someone easily. These weren't exactly introverts. And they get overly praised.

    • Uhh, I was a virgin when I got married. Apparently someone wanted to f*** me since he married me.

What Girls Said 10

  • I wonder the same thing. It seems like some of the people that are virgins and waiting til marriage on here have this holier than thou attitude and it rubs me the wrong way. I have no issues with people who choose to follow that. I do have a problem when they decide to look down on others and make underhanded jabs at those who are not virgins. You never know what a person has gone through. I wish I had waited. Not for marriage, but for a solid relationship with someone who I knew truly cared. But does that mean that I lack self control or morals and values? Self worth? Patience? No! It does not. Because guess what, I have those things.

    People here seem to idolize virgins and I personally think it's bullshit. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. There's nothing wrong with not being one. One definitely shouldn't be made to feel like shit while the other is praised.

    5|0
    0|0
  • This to me is no longer a great virtue. To me, it just shows that you haven't had your opportunity yet but doesn't make you any more or less of a "gem". When I was 16 I was dying to lose my virginity and wondered when it would happen for me. All my friends had already had sex except me and I felt very inadequate. I was also the one friend that was told was pretty and desirable - it made no sense why it was taking me so long. I wanted sex simply because I was aching for it, and didn't want to be labeled as a virgin anymore because I felt it was a sign of inexperience. I wanted to be the kind of lover that later on knew how to give and receive pleasure as a result of those experiences.

    Now when I hear of people simply waiting, I question if it's because of religious reasons - and if so, so be it. To each their own. But I think in this day and age, sex along with marriage and even having children is so different compared to what it was like forty years ago. No one in my circles has ever said having sex before marriage was not so smart, nor do people think it's unreasonable to live with your partner before marriage. All of these things actually *help* determine that you are making a better long-term decision with someone instead of casting the dice and hoping the person you've waited for works out for you for the rest of your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its a rare thing, depending on where you come. It not only shows patience, but a high value of self worth, self respect, morality, patience and will power to resist what the crowd views as the norm. Not dissing anyone who doesn't wait til marriage, I didn't, but I wish I had. Its a sacred thing to view your body as worth more than an object or more importantly common... and it is special to save yourself for someone greater than a man who is not willing, secure or healthy enough to hold it and really attempt to for the rest of your lives. A lot of abstinent women I know see the body as being connected to the soul, mind and heart & see the link in all areas to maintain a healthy self image. Its a beautiful thing... that's all really. No one take this shit personal, please.

    3|0
    2|1
    • Thank you for your opinion. No offense taken. I would have no problems waiting in a relationship and if a guy himself told, he's not ready yet then ok. But, as long as it's going to eventually lead to sex then it's alright with me.
      I would be just happy in a meaningful relationship because that's also a type of commitment, just not with a ring and document you have to sign.

  • It's fine that you have no interest in waiting 'till marriage, do whatever you want, it's your life. But as a woman who DID wait until marriage, I like to give girls who also wait until marriage some peptalk. It's not much, but maybe that way they will realize that there are other young people who have done the same, so that they won't feel left out. There are already too many people promoting promiscuity to begin with. In the old days, a girl who lost her virginity before marriage was scandalized, now it's the other way around. Neither should be mocked for their own choice in life, whether that's waiting until marriage or having fun with everyone.
    Besides, it's much easier to lose your virginity than to keep it for the one you're destined to marry. Go to a bar, get drunk, go home with a guy, spread your legs and BAM! You just lost your V-card. But try keeping your virginity when the boy you love deeply tries to talk you into having sex with him, or when everyone mocks you for being a virgin, or when you're with your boyfriend and things get a little steamy. That's not easy, and people who have shown the self worth, self love and self control by waiting until they were married deserve respect.

    1|0
    2|1
    • And those that don't wait don't deserve respect?

    • Show All
    • @CHARismatic110
      Alright, what's judgmental about this:
      "Neither should be mocked for their own choice in life, whether that's waiting until marriage or having fun with everyone.(obviously two extremes, just to clarify that)"
      I do respect everyone; you thinking I don't tells me you have been judging my entire personality based off one comment here. I was annoyed by the vibe of asker's post (together with all the other things) which may made some things seem harsh. But the overall point of my post was to clarify to asker why I choose to say to a girl who waits until marriage "good for you". Because I don't want her to feel left out in a world full of people who wanna talk her out of it. My point was NOT and I repeat NOT to pass judgment on others. If you would have read my post better you would have seen that but instead you decided to bash me. Feeling proud of yourself?

    • Not sure why you're trying to force an argument, but I already said what I had to say. And so did you. So drop it.

  • Probably because they are few people that wait till marriage and anything that's a rarity (could be other things in life too) is praised.

    Nevertheless, everyone is free to choose what they want. Personally, I don't regret one bit being with a past bf. I didn't slipped nor fell. I was ready and willing just like him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, I noticed that too. I admitted that I was a virgin still and that i'm waiting until i'm married and I got really unexpectedly positive responses to it. I'm not sure why people care so much what others do in their life and especially their sex life lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • In today's society that's something to admire because you have shown determination, self-control, and patience, HOWEVER this does not make you any better than anyone who chose to lose it before marriage (not everyone wants marriage). A person should be judge by their character, and not by if a hymen been torn before marriage or not. You are not a vagina.

    0|0
    0|0
    • True. I don't want marriage.

  • America is deeprooted in traditional ways. So deep down many Americans still want virgin partners.
    Also virgin people are outcasts and many people on here are politically correct.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm a half-ass virgin so I guess I'm a half-ass gem. :P

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because many of the guys here are virgin for 'some reasons' so of course they are going to support anyone who shares the same view with them. I don't give a damn but It is just annoying when they bash and judge other people who choose to have sex before marriage. It is someone's personal choice and they aren't hurting them unless they are sexually frustrated then they might feel bad about it.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...