How many of you are married and happy or know couples who are? My boyfriend doesn't believe in marriage?

With happy I mean you still love each other, make love to each other, get along pretty well, support each other... and so on.

For some reason my boyfriend doesn't really believe in marriage and doesn't want to get married one day because "most couples are unhappy or break up and than the man needs to pay for it".

Shouldn't he believe a little more in love and family? It hurts me a little to hear that he thinks that!!


Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents have been married for 20 years now and they're still very happy. I used to get embarrassed by how lovey dovey they could be, but when I grew out of that. Now if a friend of mine says "That's embarrassing..." I'll usually respond with, "I'd prefer they be overly affectionate than not affectionate at all." I also don't know anyone in my family who has gotten divorced and everyone seems pretty happy to me.
    There's only one aunt that I have that wasn't raised in the same home as my mother and she had a really tough childhood. She's still very involved in toxic relationships. For some reason she always ends up with abusive men and it takes a lot for her to leave. We don't understand it, but we always try to help. She was married to this one guy for like 5 years though and we thought she'd finally found a great guy, but then he beat her up really bad to the point that she had to be hospitalized and it ended up coming out that he'd beaten her throughout their entire marriage, they just kept it very under wraps. It's really sad.
    Marriages definitely can last but I've learned that they take a lot of work and upkeep. My parents go on dates at least twice a month and I always offer to babysit my siblings because I want them to stay married forever and keep that spark alive lol. It also takes a lot of maturity, because if you do truly love someone and end up getting divorced, you wouldn't try to take all of their money or try to make their lives miserable. You divorce on good terms and wish each other the best, that's healthy. So when people complain about all the terrible things that come with divorce, I just think... Well don't marry a complete asshole then. There are a lot of divorced couples who are very cooperative and keep the children in mind at all times.


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What Guys Said 7

  • I am married almost 14 years and reasonably happy. However, 25 years ago, I was really truly deeply in love and wanted to marry someone else. She dumped me after 17 months and my broken heart was so bad that I never fully recovered. So, while I love my wife, I can't love with that intensity anymore.

  • What is marriage exactly? Besides a legal document stating that you promise to love and not betray one another and saying that you'll, help eachother and stay together until one of you die. It's almost like a restraining order that says you promise to stay away from another person until they're of legal age or until that person sees otherwise that you nolonger need to stay away. lol is love to get married though. I'm not agInst it.. But I doubt It'll ever happened becuse of my personality lol. But I have nothing against it

    • It's a promise of love. Oh man love is missing so much in this world.

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    • We were practically each others-other half. We were inseparable and nothing no one said to either of us could change our minds but one day something happened, you started having different views and different feelings towards things that I did or didn't like and it only escalated and we began to grow apart. Sooner or later it got so bad that we didn't even want to sleep with each other or even be in the same room. So what would that document mean at this point in life?

    • This is why I disagree with the merit system because it's hard to sign your name on the dotted line when you don't know how long your feelings are going to last for that other person. Some people change together and some people change at a different pace or different frequency.

  • People change once they know they've got you. They are one person before marriage and after they are completely different. My conditions for marrying a girl is it she wants to be intimate with me and only me and if she wants to be monogamous with me and only me. Some people get married for other reasons than love like if they had a kid out of wedlock or something.

  • I'll say this, everyone that I know who is married, I don't envy what they have one bit.

    • Well, you'll get to that point even if you're only living together. The only way to avoid having a "wedding-like relationship" is by changing partner from time to time.

  • I do. My parents. And my Grandparents.

  • 1. love is missing in this world
    Yes, I agree love is missing.
    2. your bf said if girls get break up then why I have to pay
    Yes, he is smart.
    3. you are saying we have to trust
    no, we can't because you only said love is missing in this world.
    feminism fight for women rights but who fight for men some are standing but no use nothing useful so we can't trust girls no more sorry I am also feeling bad for not trusting each other but what to do world is full of shity (men and women both have lot of problem so no one can trust each other any more.

  • 50% of marriages end in divorce. And yes, a guy usually pays for it, sometimes to the point of homelessness. Smart guy, your boyfriend.

    I know some successful marriages. I know some total failures. Seems to me, the bad severely outweighs the good.

    If he decides to get married, he should insist on a prenup. Smarter still is his current belief, that marriage is foolish and to be avoided.

    • I think that if you trust your SO it means that you don't think they could ever betray you or demand all of your money, which means you won't have any problems with spending your whole life with them.
      And if you don't have faith in them, than you should just break up.

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    • I respect his way of thinking as much as I respect yours. But I don't believe we should compare business to love. When you marry someone, that person becomes your family and we all should be able to trust our family. Of course I'm not saying that things can't change, but I think it's stupid to deprive yourself the beautiful sides of creating a new life with someone you love, just because there are some odds that maybe one day he/she will turn into a b*tch... If you choose your partner wisely, you should also be able to have faith in them and your relationship. There are people who are willing to have kids with someone but are not willing to marry them. What's the point? You don't trust them enough to marry them but you trust them enough to let them raise your child?

    • Finances are involved--it IS a business decision.

      The only difference between a legal marriage and cohabitation--including living together forever and raising kids together--is finances. That's it. There is no other difference. Being married or not does NOT change the love that may or may not be between two people. It has no effect.

      So if a guy ignores the finances by either ignoring a prenup or by otherwise ignoring the financial arrangements of a marriage (possibly by avoiding marriage altogether), he's a fool, especially since he's the one who is far more likely to lose from the arrangement.

What Girls Said 3

  • I know a lot of happily married couples, or at least couples who seem happy from the outside. My parents have been married for 25 years and are still happy together. Not everyone wants to get married though, for various reasons. It seems like (from what I've personally noticed) more men than women are against marriage these days.

    Personally, I do want to get married someday but in regards to your last sentence, "shouldn't he believe a little more in love and family?" You don't have to be married to someone in order to love them and you don't have to be married to have a family either. Plenty of couples are in love and simply don't want to get married, that doesn't mean they love each other any less. Also, a "family" isn't necessarily bonded by marriage. In many cases, it's just a group of people who love, respect, and support each other. A family doesn't even have to be blood-related.

    I'm just giving another perspective, however, if you really want to get married then maybe you and your boyfriend simply aren't compatible. If neither of you are willing to change your minds then perhaps you should re-think the relationship. The decision to get married or not is a big deal in a relationship and if you aren't on the same page, then there will probably be conflict in the future.

  • My parents are married and have been for like 23 years or something and they're happy.

  • My dad and mom have been together for 20 years and he still sends her mushy texts when he's away for longer than 6 hours. And judging from the noises upstairs, their sex life is anything but dwindling.