My husband thinks his friend is in love with me... and I'm starting to think he may be right. Help?

I've known my husband's friend, W, for at least 11 years (since hubby and I got together). I've always thought W was weird and I always got this funny feeling around him but for the last year or so it's been getting worse. He's always been one of those people you can call on for help and he always gives me gifts out of the blue but my husband says that before I came around his friend was never like that; that he was one cold fish and that I'm the only person he's ever seen him act this way towards. I always used to say it doesn't matter and who cares but lately I've noticed a change in his friend. We became friends on a social media site two months ago and every time I've seen him since then I've noticed some strange things that send up warning flags but I don't know if it's just my husband's paranoia or if it's instinct. His friend keeps saying all these things that I have written on my profile, not word for word but it's close enough to make me nervous in a way. He started talking about all this music I like (and I like some odd things; it's old stuff, mostly, and never really was very popular) and hubby says that he always thought his friend absolutely hated that stuff. He started talking about agnosticism (also on my profile) and he was always mum on the subject before. I always thought he was just being friendly before but now I notice that he'll do anything to agree with me; even about mundane, stupid stuff like ice cream preference. He doesn't talk about other girls (except to say how disgusted he is by gold-diggers or loose women) and he's been single for 9 years now. He compliments me left and right, not looks but to say how smart and talented I am. And, worst of all, any display of affection I show towards my husband seems to make W very uncomfortable. He's never come out and said anything directly but he has made it clear by his reaction to me just holding my husband's hand (frowning and turning away). Am I just going crazy? Am I worrying needlessly?

  • No, don't worry about it
    27% (4)0% (0)15% (4)Vote
  • Yes, you should be worried
    67% (10)100% (11)81% (21)Vote
  • I don't know
    6% (1)0% (0)4% (1)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No this is not reaction that should be displayed by a " friend " . This action is much more than that of a friend regardless to how long you two have known each other. In my opinion your hubby is right , this guy has it for you.

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What Guys Said 2

  • He was giving you strong signals years ago. You should have recognized problems, but it sounds like you enjoyed his attentions. You have built up his confidence in showing emotions toward you. You need to make sure that you do not do anything more to encourage him. Avoid him.

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    • Eh? I don't think she's encouraged him. Jesus. Just because a woman is possibly liked by a guy, despite the fact she's married to his friend, it's her responsibility to dissuade him? He's a grown man. People are responsible for their own actions.

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    • I repeat "I did not say she encouraged him. I said she had strong signals years ago" (Doesn't anyone on here read?)

      "I had no inclination that W had any feelings towards me at all until recently." But " I always got this funny feeling around him" and "he always gives me gifts out of the blue but my husband says that before I came around his friend was never like that; that he was one cold fish and that I'm the only person he's ever seen him act this way towards." So you know he has been acting differently with you than any other girl and he has always given you weird feelings. Sounds pretty clear that you saw signs that he was treating you differently, yet you say you had no inclination that he had feelings for you. By not diverting his attentions, you have unwittingly built his confidence in his feelings. You are seeking advice on here, and my advice was to make sure that you do not do anything that encourages him. (encourage used here knowing you did not do it intentionally)

    • I understand what you are saying but I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I did not know even with the 'signs'. I'm inexperienced in these things, that's all. And, yes, I do read. Sorry, if people misinterpreted what you said. It happens all the time.

  • Yes the guy has strong feelings for you but as long as you continue
    to contact him through Social media and stuff things will get worst
    you need to show the guy that you love your husband and you need
    to be affectionate towards your husband in front of the guy unless
    you help curb this guys strong love towards you things will continue
    the way the are and could even get more advance than what it is now
    I've had many women who were married and would continue being friends
    with me but it became to the point i had to end the friendship cause they
    were coming on to strong to me but if you don't take charge than this
    will continue if you love your husband than you need to put a end to it
    with this guy.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like he does have a thing for you. Only you and your husband can assess if that is something to be worried about since you know the guy. I suppose a united front with your husband when you're arounh him will help and avoiding lengthy conversations with him when you're online.

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  • Yes he sounds like he likes you a lot. To be perfectly honest I'd start being more affectionate towards my husband in front of him. Try and avoid being alone with him and generally give him the idea that you are totally not interested and happily married. If your husband is very annoyed perhaps he should have a word with the guy. Tell him he's getting a bit over friendly.

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  • I'd keep my distance if I was you... maybe it's harmless but you never know

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