Should I break up with my fiance because my family is giving me a hard time?

I've been with him for 3 years but just recently introduced him to my family. I'm in my early 30s... we met in medical school. I still live with my family... they are Lebanese Muslim and it is customary for children to stay until married. I am not Muslim but pretend so my family doesn't flip out.

I was so worried about telling my parents I didn't give as much thought to the consequences after. His family is Jewish and although I get along with them great and have no trouble blending in my family will. My dad is an immigrant from Lebanon and my mom was born and raised in America, half Lebanese and half European. My parents are pretty religious and conservative.

My fiance will convert to Islam (pretend to) and doesn't drink alcohol but his family does... my family will also be weary of the tattos his siblings and mother has and their Jewish traditions.

My dad is the only one slightly accepting only because he just wants me to get married (I'm "old") and have kids now. My whole immediate family is upset with me and it is so hard to deal with. My sister told me I'm going to ruin the family. My fiance is very supportive and want to do everything to make this work.

I just don't know if it will be fair to put my fiance and his family through this. I feel like he deserves to have in laws that are not going to be judegemental and want him to chance. When we have family get togethers they will likely cause issues. If we have kids my family is going to want them to be Muslim and influence them.

My brother is 3 years younger than me and said when he got married he made sure his wife would be a good fit with the family. I did not.

I love my fiance with all my heart. He is the only guy I've ever been with and I never thought I'd get married. I don't want to hurt him and bring him down because of my family. I feel like he deserves better and is such a great guy women will be lined up for him if I leave.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey!! Holy crap I keep running into you haha. First congrats :D I'm really happy to hear about you getting engaged. Pm me and I can help you out I actually have something similar happen with one of my cousins.

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    • I hope you remeber me...

    • I'll answer here, I guess. I have a cousin who became engaged with a muslim guy (funny enough her dad is muslim too and her mom went through hell from her mom when she decided to marry him... so weird). He's a great guy and they have two kids together and seem to be very happy. Before the happy ever after though, they both went through hell from some members of the family (all the ones I don't like who are just backwards and ignorant). They would yell at her and curse off her fiancee constantly, her brother even got into a fight with him. You know what she did? Married him anyway and everyone's suddenly forgotten and moved on from her affairs. You're not living your life for someone else, you're living it for you, that's why it's called your life. If marrying him makes you happy than do it. Don't let bitter people who don't trully love you (if they did, they'd just want to see you happy) ruin your life just so they can sleep easier at night. Do what's best for you.

    • It's great to hear about your cousin's success story... that sort of give me hope

What Guys Said 4

  • Have you ever heard of Romeo and Juliet? It's about two lovers in a very similar situation as you, and ends with the two families realizing the error of their ways, and having to learn the hard way.

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    • Yeah... I know... but my family thinks I'm betraying just to spite them. My brother thinks just because my parents fought a lot and my dad was emotionally abusive towards me I pushed away the idea of never marrying an Arab. I suppose the good thing is my fiancé's family likes me a lot. HIs brother said I'm the best thing that ever happened to him (my fiancé) so sometimes I think if I break it off I could negatively impact my fiancé's life.

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    • The more you tell me about them, the more I think you shouldn't listen to them.

    • Thanks... I really appreciate your help!

  • You need to cut the apron stings and be your own woman.

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    • I'm trying to do that... it's just difficult when my family is against me and blaming me for things. I feel like I'm gonna continue to be the black sheep.

    • yes, I have seen that happen. My family soured my brothers marriage and my ex wife's family soured mine. Such hatred and such a shame.

  • Fuck the family leave them all you two belong together

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  • http://oi57.tinypic.com/33msnbc.jpg yes leave him he's no good

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What Girls Said 3

  • If your fiance treats you well and supports you then you continue with your relationship. Your family, whilst loving, sounds difficult. You're not going to 'destroy the family' or anything as awful as that. Enjoy your relationship, let you family deal with it in their own way. Your family will come back around. It will be fine, and im sure your partner will support you.

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  • I don't know.. I guess it depends on his and your ability to zoom out as soon as the judging starts.

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  • No, don't break up with him. Don't sacrifice your own happiness for those poisonous people. Finish your Masters, then marry your fiance and never speak to your family ever again. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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    • Thanks for your help. The thing is they are not being as mean as usual to me. I feel like even when I get married my family is going to try and take over. Like my dad... he said he wants me to have a baby asap... which is the only reason he wants me to get married. He thinks if I don't I'll be alone forever. I don't want to have children... if I did I want to wait at least 4 years until I'm 35 when we can afford it. My fiance and I are in major student loan debt from med school.

    • Don't worry about that now. Focus on surviving until you can get out. Your family is abusive. You don't need them.

    • Thanks... It's difficult when I'm being blamed. I guess the good thing is they are handling this better than things in the past. There was a lot of fighting between my parents growing up and my father has calmed down a bit... for now at least

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