Weren't there still crappy marriages when divorce rates were lower?

Though there was time where there were more stories about married couples lasting 30+ years into the marriage, weren't there also crappy marriages too?

For instance even though my parents have been married for nearly 30 years, it's far from the great marriage from fairytales. If my mother had a profession, didn't rely on my father for security and wasn't afraid of other people's opinions, she would have filed for divorce a long while back.

She puts on the facebook about him being the greatest husband and father but in reality it's all appearances. I'm wondering if back then some marriages were like that too... crappy and them only staying married for the kids, status, convenience, etc.

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Plus, they already had bad arguments and altercations years, years ago... to the point it affected my views on marriage and relationships. It's clearly they aren't in love with each other for the longest.
Sure there were less divorce rates back then but at what cost? Are you suppose to believe that all of those ''and they've been together for 30+ years'' were all happily ever after stories.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Years ago, marriage was built on different principles than today's. Believe or not, marriage for "love" was not always the case back then. People married back then because they believed that the two of them were a good match to raise a family. "in the 1960's a full 76% of women admitted they would be willing to marry someone they didn't love." When women found a man who had a decent job, they'd lock him down and they'd marry.

    You know when Japanese people view our culture and they see Americans who marry in their 20's, they think "why on Earth would they marry so young? they're just babies, how can they build enough money to raise a family? very irresponsible."

    In their eyes, they're see someone 22 - 24 getting married like Americans would view someone equivalent as 12-14.

    In conclusion, everyone defines marriage, happiness or love differently.. If the wife is content with her rule and feels happy or loved... than great. It may not reflect how you and i may feel but to each their own.

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    • True. As for me, I can't see myself getting married to someone I don't even share similar goals, values nor love. Seeing my parents' marriage makes me leery of even getting engaged.

    • It really shouldn't, your parents grew up with different values.

      When you interview your parents generation, most of them will describe their courtship in terms of "we met at X time and got married." Today, we describe it much differently "she just completes me, we're share the same ideas and i finally found her."

What Guys Said 6

  • "If my mother had a profession, didn't rely on my father for security and wasn't afraid of other people's opinions"

    That's pretty much the prime reasons someone stays in an abusive relationship...

    Anyway , yerp you got it down to a T.

    However with the rising gender equality with regards to female rights I think future relationships are gonna be more stable in nature... assuming there isn't any power play involved.

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  • Of course there were crappy marriages that didn't end in divorce.
    80% of marriages eventually end up loveless and without affection, and nothing has changed.
    Now partners have an option, and 52% of marriages end in divorce or separation.

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  • A lot of marriages that "last" know can still be terrible because they're afraid to get a divorce. But I think people used to actually try to work through their problems a lot more in the past than now. People are incredibly fickle and divorces are just the go to for issues for a lot of people instead of actually trying to face their issues. I just feel people are just less mature now than marriages in the past.

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    • I guess some people just aren't into tolerating crappy behaviors. For instance, if a husband if spending money on gambling and being a bad example for the kids, that can be a reason to file divorce. Or if one of them cheats.

      I guess seeing my parents' marriage made me see marriage in a nearly pessimistic point of view. I'm leery about it.

    • I don't think that's how the majority of marriages end. More than half of marriages end in divorce and I don't think the majority are because of one party just being a complete scumbag. I think both just get bored of each other or they have differences that they refuse to try and compensate to help their spouse out. I think it's more on just people are selfish and don't want to work at marriage. You shouldn't try to change a spouse but for marriage to work you're both gonna have to change to help out the other. But most don't want to sacrifice anything of theirs. Marriage is work but a lot of people think everything should just luckily work out for them like it does in the movies.

  • A different day and age, today we are spoilt with abundance and choices :)
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  • There have always been marriages like that

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    • True. Seeing my parents' marriage like that... it makes me leery to even want to get engaged and thinking I'm going to feel trapped. It's getting ridiculous how they are trying to put an act for everyone... making my mother's family believe she's a lucky woman.

  • Of course there were shitty marriages.

    But today, I can't see marriages lasting at all. Crappy marriages obviously can end where they couldn't before, but now it's so easy to cast away a partner that no one puts in the effort that a successful marriage demands.

    People are belligerent in their selfishness and haste today. Marriage is dead, and anyone with a brain keeps away from it. Especially as a man, marriage is poisonous and is to be avoided.

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    • Not just for men but it would also be awful for me getting married only to then be miserable. Sure, I can file for divorce but that time, effort and years spend I'll never get it back. Plus, if I were to have kids with him... that puts a temporarily stop to my growth in getting promoted in the business world.

    • Setup your life however you want, no one cares anymore. If kids are only a career bane in your view, don't have them. If marrying a man is nothing other than tying yourself to an abuser in your view, don't marry. If your career is most important to you, pursue it. Marriage is dead, so whatever.

What Girls Said 2

  • My mom and step-dad were married for almost 20 years. It ended as soon as my mom got a good job and was bringing in enough money to be independent. I know another woman whose husband was an alcoholic tool while she did everything she could to bring in enough money to feed the family. He shaped up when she got a good job.

    If women today get tired of being treated like crap under their husbands' thumbs, I'm sure they did 50, 100, or 150 years ago too. I expect it was worse. Marital rape and assault were overtly legal. You were expected to stay with your husband even if he cheated on you. The past was not a good time for women, so I don't see how it could have been a good time for marriage.

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  • No definitely not. That's the thing with people saying 'marriages break up so easily these days, I wish it was just like the old days where true love existed'. Wrong, there's not more true love back then than there's now.
    People might lasted longer, but that was because people had to be together because of financial issues or faith etc. It's not like those marriages where more thought out, because often the girl got married to the guy her father chose.
    My grandparents were also divorced. Their marriage was really bad. My grandfather had anger issues and reacted out on my grandmother and my grandmother couldn't handle it anymore. Also because she had children (my mom) to take care of so she got divorced. Unfortunately, she had very little money so she only had a very small apartment and tried everything to do something fun when the kids were around.
    So yeah, some women do divorce, but financially, it wasn't really realistic for my grandmother either so some women just stayed.

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