I have a friend that did not grow up in the States but has been here now over 15 years. He says that women in particular go too overboard with holidays and birthdays and Valentines Day, none of which he ever celebrated as a kid or in his culture. When it comes to his wife, who is American, he doesn't care about those type of days even though she goes all out for him. He frequently forgets about her birthday, or their anniversary, and doesn't put much if any effort into gifts. This annoys her, I know, so one day all three of us were talking and the subject was brought up. After some back and forth between the two of them, I made a point to him that even if he doesn't care whether she celebrates these things for him (which he truly truly does not care if she were to forget), these dates are important to her. She likes them, she thinks anniversaries and Valentines day are special days that celebrate their love, and even beyond that, she's not a materialistic person, she simply would like a card even if he wrote it on just a scrap of paper and maybe they go out to eat. He says there shouldn't have to be a certain day for all this and because he isn't from here, he can't be expected to follow cultural norms here, but as she pointed out, he has learned the language, he's changed his style of dress on his own, and has otherwise assimilated into this culture in hundreds of ways, and this is a part of it and is very much important to her because she grew up celebrating these days and wants to share them with him.
- If it's important to her, he should respect that and spring for a cardVote A
- He didn't grow up here, so its unfair for her to have any expectation that he should celebrate these daysVote B
Most Helpful Guy
Life and indeed relationships are all about making compromises. I would not necessarily pay much attention to anniversaries (you can be kind every day of the year, you don't need to save it up for that one day), but if it is something that is really important to her then it's shouldn't be hard to make an exception.0