My husband has told me 2x now he doesn't love me but wants to stay together. I don't know how to act anymore?

Last time my husband said he didn't love me was 5 months ago and we're still together. He talks down to me all the time then the next day says we should plan a weekend sometime together. we have 3 kids 6yr 3 yr and 1 yr old. He gets whatever he wants, I do everything and work a full time job and take care of our Kids. If I don't then it won't get done. I don't mind I just want to be treated like a wife not a roommate or his mom. I have talked to him about it and he just walks away. If I get upset about something he doesn't care or leaves. I caught him in a lie the other day and he got pissed at me. I didn't make a big deal just asked why he lied about something so stupid. He went out of his way to go to the gas station my sister worKS at then lied about it. She told me she seen him no big deal. But when I asked him the night before if he seen her and how she's doing he lied said she wasn't working cuz I seen the bag with the logo. He constantly ignores me and as far as our sex life is nonexistent. I have tried and get all "dolled up" for him and don't get a second look. He walks past me and plays on his phone. Always goes through my phone but deletes everything out of his phone. He even put a tracker on my old phone, I have 3 kids, a job, responsibilities and no friends? Really? I love him with all my heart but he's like a rollercoaster. I don't know what to do stay and hope it works or leave and destroy not only myself but my 3 angels?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel for you honey. I'm in the same kind of relationship, except I don't have kids.
    All of the things you say about responsibility, trust, electronics addiction, roommate vs wife, planning weekends despite a shattered relationship, dolling up, ... are too familiar to me.
    Be sure to get couples therapy for each of you individually, plus couples therapy. I hope you can afford it.
    Otherwise, all I can say is that your relationship is pretty much gone. You both need to make some serious decisions, and fast. That's why I suggested therapy. It makes these kinds of things a lot less painful and confusing. Who knows, you might even solve the issues and get your marriage back. A happy one this time.
    If he says he doesn't love you, it means he thinks you're marriage is over. If you are still together, and even planning weekends, it's because you are fluctuating around a zero relationship energy, and it could be either because deep down he really does love you, or he still wants you as his chosen spouse, or can't see a future without you in it, or has a faint hope that things might take a turn for the better, or it's just the heart-shattering gut-wrenching all too familiar pain of breaking up that makes most of us prefer dying over going through breakups.
    Don't stay together for the children. Ask their opinion. I'm a child of divorce. Even as a 9 year old, I preferred my parents to divorce quietly. I wanted my mom to be happily married to someone else. I'm 35 now, and I still prefer the same thing. But they decided to fight and destroy my childhood. And now they are idiotically still married even though they have not seen or heard of from each other since 2000. I'm married now, and wish to see my mom happy and settled, and with a good spouse, rather than sad and lonely. I worry about my father too. Who will be there for them in their old age? Are they both going to be alone in this world? (Of course I can take care of them physically, but a nice spouse is really something else). I feel distant from both of them, because their weird relationship is sending me very confusing signals. And I can't emotionally trust confused people. Their relationship is just unnatural and fake. I feel like there is a big lie hiding in there somewhere, and it's preventing me from emotionally relaxing. However much they tell me it's not my fault, I would still be able to better accept things and have hope for matrimonial happiness if they each had their own little cozy family. That way

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    • ... I would have TWO families! Wouldn't that be delicious and delightful!
      (and lots of support).

What Guys Said 4

  • Sad. i can say you are totally doing what a good wive does but the problem is his, it would be good if you guys sit down and talk very openly also be patient for a while and see if things change

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  • If he doesn't love you then I'd divorce. He never will love you. Things will only get worse

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  • Make him go to marriage counseling with you

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  • You gotta leave. You can't just stay for your kids thats not fair to you or them. You deserve to be truly happy.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Go to counseling and see if he can work out his issue otherwise leave him. Staying with him will teach your daughter (s) to let her husband treat her like crud and your son (s) wil learn to disrespect the women in his life. Your kids deserve more than that. YOU deserve more than that.

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  • You're destroying yourself and your kids by staying. They don't need to see or experience that. If you want them to grow up to be healthy adults in healthy relationships then leave and show them that they and you deserve better. Yeah it's going to suck during the divorce and for a little after but it's worth it in the long run. I'm a child of divorced parents and it was the best thing that they did as a couple.

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  • Divorce him and sue him for child support and then continue to live with him as roommates - that way he will be forced to contribute financially to the marriage.

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  • He sounds like a real asswipe to be honest. Perpetuating a bad marriage for the sake of your kids only hurts them in the long run. They have to grow up watching him disrespect you and treat you like garbage. It will affect their future relationships and the way that they view the dynamic between husband and wife. If I were you, I would take the kids and leave.

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  • That makes me very sad to hear... I think you should leave. It's not healthy for the kids and will take a toll on your mental health if it hasn't already.

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  • This is a sad story. 😞😞😞😞😆😞

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  • Get a divorce

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