Is it ok to ask my boyfriend to read "He's Just Not That Into You?"

My boyfriend of 8 years recently gave me reason to believe he really wasn't thinking about marriage. I was totally taken by surprise. We have talked about it a bit more since then and he has given me more hope. The book "He's just not that into you" has a great quote in it - "Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you." I'm thinking about getting it for him for Christmas (along with some better presents), maybe he would learn something about how he's actions are perceived.

Updates:
Sorry.. that's supposed to say "how *his* actions are perceived."

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A book won't solve the problem, and the intended message will most likely go right over his head. And I can tell you for a fact (being as I'm, well, a man) that that quotation is false--a guy can have "issues" with marriage, but work through them with his girl and eventually end up marrying her. The quote is probably assuming a guy who has those "issues" hasn't played the field to his satisfaction yet, but not all guys absolutely have that need. He may just need time, along with your understanding, and he may come around and realize you are "the one" after all. Honest, open communication about things, and patience, are the keys.

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    • Thanks for the comments guys and gal. I'm thinking the book thing is not a good idea, but we have spoken quite a bit. He says he doesn't have a problem doing the "life together thing," but his parents' divorce affected him, and he's affraid of the legal binding. I understand where he's coming from, but he's seen me build this image of our future together throughout the years, and knows that marriage is part of that. Suddenly I realize he might not have the same goals. Now what?

    • If his parents' divorce affected him so deeply, that's a good reason for his apprehension--a very good reason. Just be understanding and patient with him. You have the right to make your desires known too, but true love involves a lot of compromise. It sounds like something he can come out of with your continued support and understanding. I'd say just try to have fun and enjoy your relationship in the meantime, and hopefully before long things will be ironed out.

What Guys Said 1

  • IF he doesn't want to get married that means he doesn't want to get married to you. Tell him what you want and if he's not willing to give it to you then move on.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would only suggest that if you want to start a fight. Getting him that book and showing him that quoke on Christmas isn't the smartest. Why don't you just sit down and talk with him. If you want, buy the book and show him the quote yourself. Men aren't mind readers and if you want him to know what you're thinking then just tell him. Being together since you were 15 is a really long time. But its also your entire adolescence and youg adulthood. If you want to know if what he thinks about marriage, and more importantly, what he thinks of marriage with you then ask. Don't be confrontational. Just ask if you're the kind of person he could see himself getting married to, and what his goals are for your relationship. And whatever his answer is try not to over react or get too upset if its not something you wanna hear. If you do he may just shut down. Just make sure you keep it open, calm, and non confrontational.

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