How do you feel about the dad walking the bride down the aisle?

I am in no way a femminist but the idea of my dad walking me down the aisle and the whole notion of "giving me away" repulses me.
I get along with my dad, that isn't an issue but still the whole idea is silly to me. I'm a person, not property, I can't be given away. My sisters feel the same way, none of us want to take part in this tradition. We also don't believe a mam should ask our father for permission to marry us.
What I find odd is how much weight a lot of people put on this. I even know someone who asked her estranged and abusive father to walk her down the aisle because she felt she had to, but she didn't even want him there.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going to ask both of my parents to walk me down the aisle. I think it's symbolic of me starting a new family. But, as ever, do whatever makes you happy and what you're comfortable with.

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    • That's so sweet!

    • is your boyfriend going to have his parents walk him down the aisle?

    • @Azara I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, but it would be something I would bring up (should the marriage issue ever become a reality). I like the symbolism.

What Guys Said 4

  • My wife and I decided to get married and she told her parents by showing them the engagement ring. No asking for permission. But she still wanted her father to walk her down the aisle. It was symbolic of a the male "protector" role going from her father to her husband. And the role itself was symbolic since she was smart and able to think for herself and take care of herself (during my Naval deployments she ran the house and raised the kids, and had an excellent career).

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  • Ha.

    On a more serious note, hmm. I suppose it comes from tradition. A daughter is her father's responsibility. He has to protect and care for her, and help make sure she makes wise decisions. When she marries, him walking her down the aisle shows that he approves of the groom, and that the groom now has a responsibility to protect, provide, and watch out for her. It also shows that she has family that cares for her--he's there, present, and taking part in the wedding. She didn't run away from home and become a druggie or something as a kid, etc.

    It's a decent part of tradition, and I think it's solid. Of course, a lot of tradition is outdated. How many brides could actually wear white dresses if tradition was followed? I don't think marrying the 6th man you sleep with earns a girl the honor of wearing white...

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    • children are their parents responsibility. so the son should be given away by the mother, following the giving away logic if it really is just about being good parents. which it isn't. its about passing women around like property.

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    • Haha @BellePepper

      Went for the jugular there, didn't it?

      Point remains, though. Women made a "romance" novel about a girl meeting a violent, traumatized, stalking, abusive man who treats women like meat into one of the top ten bestselling books in recorded human history.

      Y'all have way bigger problems that wedding traditions.

    • LOL I have nothing to do but watch a soccer game tonight and I still don't have time to work though all the problems with that comment ;P

  • You do realize that before religion adopted marriage, it was literally just a father giving his daughter away for a couple of goats/camels, etc.

    That's why wives take the husband's name, because they literally became his property. His property to fuck and bare his children.

    Now religion have marriage a different feel, but it kept certain traditions such as giving away part and taking the last name

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    • The history of western marriage is way more complex than just doweries. There was actually a time when people didn't need doweries and they didn't even need church permission. It caused a lot of problems so the church got more formally involved.

      https://youtu.be/saE-RLwfWpU?t=10m57s

    • @BellePepper
      Yeah I was referring to way before a church was established. Like in the nomadic days of the Middle East

    • Just filling in the gaps so you have a better understanding of how marriage has evolved and how it works ;)

  • It's all right not to do it if you don't want to.

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What Girls Said 11

  • LOL You know I'm a pretty feminist, but It's never occurred to me not have my dad in my wedding XD I also expect my hypothetical husband to talk to my father before we get married. I'm even at the point where I've never really practiced my last name since I figure it's temporary.

    But.

    I'm SO glad that we can all be at a point where we can talk about these differences not as matters of right and wrong, but rather as choices we're making for ourselves. If you don't want your asshole sperm donor at your wedding, don't invite the jerk. If you love your last name, keep it. There's no set of rules for guys. They get to do whatever. I think we should get to as well :)

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    • I don't for one second believe you're a feminist because I've never heard you say anything ridiculously backwards and sexist. You're one of the people I like on here lol

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    • You can replace "woman" with "person" if you want to, because there wasn't any negativity in that... I wasn't trying to say anything negative

    • @M_A_X nooooo worries! Were all human after all ;)

  • My father is out of my life for good, so, if I ever get married, I won't have to think how I feel about that, cause one way or another.. not gonna happen for me.

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  • Well before my biological father passed away this year, I had two people in my life that I considered my dad: my biological father and my stepfather. I didn't want to have to choose either of them so for the longest time I planned to have my older walk me down the aisle. I really like the fact that fathers are still typically involved in the wedding. I think a lot of the time, the men get kind of ignored in the process of the wedding. It's seen as a girl thing. By having the father give the girl away, I think they involve him in the wedding a lot more. :)

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  • I think think it's tradition having a father walk you down the isle. Peronally wouldn't invite my father to mine but I would have someone walk me down the isle the closest thing I've had to a dad. The asking for permission is just polite I can understand that however I wouldn't participate in that part of the tradition. I don't see how it's repulsing though.

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    • I believe my repulsion is what the tradition stands for, the passing of you from protector to protector. I left my father's household as soon as I started college and never returned, he is not my protector and I never saw him as such. I'm my own entity and house hold.
      Truly I don't like the idea of a wedding ceremony being public. If I choose to marry someone, that is between me and him, no one else. Obviously you have to have someone authorized to sign the license present and in some places a witness or two, but other than that I would want no one there. I don't like the idea of involving anyone else. So that is another part of my issue.
      Also I think my dad would feel really awkward walking any of us down the aisle. My sisters also mentioned that when we discussed this, it just isn't something he would enjoy lol.

  • If you don't want him too that don't let him walk you down the aisle.

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  • sexist infantilizing demeaning etc etc etc, obviously.

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  • the thought makes me cry

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  • I don't think I would want it

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  • Very sad, because my dad already passed away before I even had a real boyfriend.

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  • My dad was extremely emotionally abusive to me growing up, so I have questioned whether or not I want him to walk me down the aisle when I get married. But I'm also very traditional, so I feel like I still will have him walk me down. As much as I'm repulsed by the thought of a man like him giving me away.

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    • Do u have a fathe figure to walk u down the aisle? If not, I don't think your father has to neither. Especially if he was abusive. What's wrong with switching up the tradition and letting mom give you away? If u were raised with her, that would actually mean she's the one you're leaving. 😁 I don't know.

    • @Caramalkisses23 Nope, just an older brother, although I'd feel weird having him walk me down, lol. My mom is a wonderful lady though and we're very close, so that's an idea. I hadn't considered that. :)

    • I have to agree that in these types of situations it is a no brainer that dad gets left out.
      Like I said I know someone who hadn't talked to her father in many years because he was extremely abusive to the whole family. Even threw the daughter down a flight of stairs and she was hurt pretty badly. But that same daughter asked him to give her away (and this wedding was only 3 years ago) because she felt people would judge her if she didn't have her dad there. I find that sick to be honest. I personally would never wonder why a bride walked down with a mom or brother or on her own. It's what she wanted, no big deal.

  • I completely agree! I'm not a piece of property that is being given away, and I (or my husband) don't need my fathers permission to get married.
    This is also why I'm against hanging my last name. That's the name I was born with, I want to die that same person, I don't want a different name on my birth and death certificate. My husband is not gaining ownership of me, I am my own person and we are coming together through marriage. If he wants to be a 'single family unite' then he can change his last name to mine!

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    • My grandmother is 82 years old and she told me the other day that she wants her maiden name to go on her gravestone because that was the name she was born with and that's what she wants to go out as. Her plan is to list her two last names from her marriages below that. You reminded me of that, even someone born in 1933 is modern enough to want to keep her name in death.

    • That's a cool story haha sounds like a good idea.
      And I like how a guy down voted me lol

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