My husband refuses to talk to me about finances?

We have been married almost a year now, and I've come to learn that my husband REFUSES to talk to me about finances, money, budgets, etc... we are not in debt... yet, but we rarely have any money left over at the end of the month and I know its because he is a very compulsive buyer. (video games, beer, hookah, etc..) and I feel that it is very immature that he will literally ignore me, or distract himself by playing video games, going through his phone, or even suddenly wanting to play with the dog-- anything that will get him out of a conversation with me about money problems (really, any problem for that matter.) I am getting sick and tired of this vicious cycle and not living like a responsible adult who is responsible with money.

What do I do?

Updates:
For everyone telling me to get a job, etc.. I DO have a job! and the problem is that BOTH of our paychecks go towards bills. If he is impulsive with his side, then we are left in a rut. He is my husband, which means that we are a TEAM who shares everything.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is completely unacceptable and if you allow this to continue you will be ruined financially. It happened to me, don't let it happen to you.

    You should have three accounts: one that's yours, one that's his, and one for joint expenses. You both contribute to the joint account to make rent and utilities and savings. You will have to agree how much you will each contribute to the joint account. Whatever is left over goes into your individual accounts.

    If your husband is unable to discuss this then I'm afraid you will have to end the marriage. You are already unhappy and will become even more unhappy as time passes and your financial situation worsens.

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    • I appreciate your honesty. We will try the joint-bank account option and see how it goes.

    • That way he will have his own money and can spend it as he pleases, and you will have money that you control. Trying to live out of one single joint account is a recipe for continual fighting over money.

    • If you both have a regular paycheck, then contribute to the joint account by automatic payroll deduction. That way the bills get paid.

What Guys Said 8

  • File for divorce.

    If he has any issue with you filing for divorce, then ask him to sit down and enter into a post-nuptial agreement, whereby you agree to monthly financial disclosures, complete financial transparency of all deposited earnings, access to passwords for online banking, etc. Basically, "information rights."

    You should also determine how much the combined cost of living is:

    (e. g.,)

    1. Rent
    2. Utilities
    3. Food
    4. Household products

    Say it's $4,000 per month. Assume further that he makes $30,000 (net of his Fed., state and local tax liability), and that you make $10,000 (net of your Fed., state and local tax liability).

    The post-nup should create the legal obligation to contribute $4,000 (in proportion to each person's post-tax earnings) into your joint checking account (further specified int he agreement to make disbursements only for household expenses, directly to the suppliers/providers, and that any withdrawals to you or him from such account must be re-deposited into the account).

    If I was his attorney, I would also insist on a "no couch potato" clause (i. e., an obligation to remain gainfully employed full-time), and an "imputed income floor" clause (i. e., don't just become employed full-time at a job substantially below your earning potential, because then, at a minimum - your "contribution" obligations are based on say $50,000 per year pre-tax... and if you don't make that much, that's YOUR problem, not mine... this contract doesn't reward or leave a back-door loophole open for just "taking it easy" and "letting the other person do all the heavy lifting.").

    Additionally, of course, if any party prevails in any action to enforce the terms of such agreement, the prevailing party shall be entitled to all costs and reasonable attorneys' fees (i. e., so there is no "cost" to enforcing the agreement - follow it or else.. not "good luck chasing me through the court system until you find justice").

    Now, that's the extent to which everyone can demand financial resources from the other. For as long as the household expenses are being satisfied, you really have to ask yourself what other legitimate demands to the other person's financial resources and labor exist.

    Vacations? Decorations? Clothes? Those are just "gifts," and insisting on those is basically insisting on a "legal obligation to make a gift." At some point, if he's taking care of everything else, he can play video games.

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    • If you don't like his level of ambition, the best thing you can do is just get a divorce.

  • Divorce him and use better judgment next time around?

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  • It's not an issue about finances, your problem is the communication with your boyfriend. Fix that

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  • Respect his wishes and not talk about finances if you are not in trouble.

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  • Get your own job with your own bank account

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  • If he makes all the money, then don't complain

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  • If it's his money, he has nothing to show you. Get your own job and you can handle finances.

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  • He has something to hide

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What Girls Said 3

  • Tell him you won't have sex with him until he learns to behave like a responsible adult. Or you won't give him your money and he will be forced to foot the bills on his own. Or you won't cook for him. Or you will refuse to have children with him.

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  • you should have thought about this before marrying him.. that what sort of guy he is..

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    • Its nearly impossible to see how a future spouse would be with money, living together, etc.. if you have never been in that situation. We didn't live together until after marriage, which is when the problems started.

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    • That's the issue. He refuses to talk.

    • tell him this is pissing you off.. and this is affecting your relationship..

  • Get your own job and your own bank account? i'm confused as to why you need to share one with him, especially if he's not responsible with the money.

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    • Bills don't pay themselves.

    • I wasn't telling you to get a job, I was asking if you had one, that's why I put the "?", just to clarify. But why can't you open or take over the bank account and the finances? what is stopping you, just tell him, you've had enough of him not discussing it with you and take your money and put it into your account and tell him when his half of the bills are due?

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