So me and my husband been fighting lately over dumb stuff. He is stressed because he is the only one that works and haves to pay the bills. But I have to stay at home taking care of the kids. If I was to work it would be only to pay off the daycare so what's the point. Today in the morning while I was doing one of my kids hair to go off to school. My husband got paid and I said he had to pay a bill that came in and how much it was $30.00 he threw the money at me. I felt so hurt like if I was some type of shit. Yesterday I cooked he left all the food there basically. I told him I was not cooking today. Then he says to me I have sooo.. Many bills because you want me to always use the credit card. I said then give me $300 a month to do a food shopping. Instead of buying little by little. When we only use the cards when we need food for the house or if one of the kids needs pull-UPS or emergency ONLY. So now he is blaming me for everything. I am so tired of him I been with him for ever almost 12 years. I am crying and I just don't want to talk to him. I told him to go to HELL. He treated me bad and I am so hurt. Do you think I should feel hurt?
Most Helpful Guy
Its ok to feel hurt. These situations are difficult. He needs to accept that this is a partnership. Just because you don't work for a salary doesn't mean you aren't contributing to the partnership.
Instead of fighting and lashing out you need to schedule some time to voice your concerns and come up with a solution.
Schedule a time to talk about finances and lay out your concerns. Calm and collected will go a long way.
'Look, we are in an equal partnership here and my role is to play CEO of the house while you are at your job that brings us the financial rewards. In order for you to do your job you need to make sure that our children and the home is under control. Dishes done, food washed, kids fed, family fed, bills paid etc.
In order for me to do my part I need the following : better discussions on bills and spending including a defined amount I can manage on food, monthly budget planning so we are both clear on where OUR money is being spent, etc.
Try to be a bit more clear and rational and try not to let it get too emotional. When emotions come in then hurtful words are thrown in that can't be taken back.
I think tracking every single receipt for a month or two and comparing to salary would be eye opening on where you spend your money. Maybe you can work together to find ways to cut down those numbers so its not so overwhelming and you having a budget for food to manage is much better than always asking for money like a child asking a parent. It needs to be an equal partnership. You are going to have to spend money to run the household and you should be given enough freedom to do it without asking for every single cent.
I'm sure there is hurt feelings on both sides and you need to come together here and not let the $$ tear you apart. Time will go on. Raises will happen. The money will get easier with time. The key is to come to a system and process for handling it that you both feel comfortable with. Try to get there with less emotion and more discussion. Its ok to feel hurt and tell him that. 'Honey, it really hurt when you thrrew money at me the other day. I am trying to do my part to run the household while you are out doing your part and throwing money at me like that makes me feel cheap and disrespected. I forgive you for it as I know we were both mad but please don't do that again to me.' Thats a bit more contructive than telling him to go to hell.3
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