Feeling like crap.. How would you feel? If this happen to you?

So me and my husband been fighting lately over dumb stuff. He is stressed because he is the only one that works and haves to pay the bills. But I have to stay at home taking care of the kids. If I was to work it would be only to pay off the daycare so what's the point. Today in the morning while I was doing one of my kids hair to go off to school. My husband got paid and I said he had to pay a bill that came in and how much it was $30.00 he threw the money at me. I felt so hurt like if I was some type of shit. Yesterday I cooked he left all the food there basically. I told him I was not cooking today. Then he says to me I have sooo.. Many bills because you want me to always use the credit card. I said then give me $300 a month to do a food shopping. Instead of buying little by little. When we only use the cards when we need food for the house or if one of the kids needs pull-UPS or emergency ONLY. So now he is blaming me for everything. I am so tired of him I been with him for ever almost 12 years. I am crying and I just don't want to talk to him. I told him to go to HELL. He treated me bad and I am so hurt. Do you think I should feel hurt?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its ok to feel hurt. These situations are difficult. He needs to accept that this is a partnership. Just because you don't work for a salary doesn't mean you aren't contributing to the partnership.

    Instead of fighting and lashing out you need to schedule some time to voice your concerns and come up with a solution.

    Schedule a time to talk about finances and lay out your concerns. Calm and collected will go a long way.

    'Look, we are in an equal partnership here and my role is to play CEO of the house while you are at your job that brings us the financial rewards. In order for you to do your job you need to make sure that our children and the home is under control. Dishes done, food washed, kids fed, family fed, bills paid etc.

    In order for me to do my part I need the following : better discussions on bills and spending including a defined amount I can manage on food, monthly budget planning so we are both clear on where OUR money is being spent, etc.

    Try to be a bit more clear and rational and try not to let it get too emotional. When emotions come in then hurtful words are thrown in that can't be taken back.

    I think tracking every single receipt for a month or two and comparing to salary would be eye opening on where you spend your money. Maybe you can work together to find ways to cut down those numbers so its not so overwhelming and you having a budget for food to manage is much better than always asking for money like a child asking a parent. It needs to be an equal partnership. You are going to have to spend money to run the household and you should be given enough freedom to do it without asking for every single cent.

    I'm sure there is hurt feelings on both sides and you need to come together here and not let the $$ tear you apart. Time will go on. Raises will happen. The money will get easier with time. The key is to come to a system and process for handling it that you both feel comfortable with. Try to get there with less emotion and more discussion. Its ok to feel hurt and tell him that. 'Honey, it really hurt when you thrrew money at me the other day. I am trying to do my part to run the household while you are out doing your part and throwing money at me like that makes me feel cheap and disrespected. I forgive you for it as I know we were both mad but please don't do that again to me.' Thats a bit more contructive than telling him to go to hell.

    • I know you are right in every way and thank you so much for your opinion. In the way you put everything in such details. I do think that is a great idea about saving the receipt for a month. I am hurt still I can't lie. I stay at home everyday and take care of our two kids. I clean everyday and cook plus wash clothes. I have to bring one of my kids to school while I stay at home with one of them. I have to pick her up from school walking then to do homework with her. To feed her to get her in the shower. To give her the machine because she is always sick with asthma. All he does is work. I am overwhelm too.

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    • THANK YOU very much you are a wise man like the Bible talks about. Thanks for everything so much.

    • I think so too and thank you for listening to me


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What Guys Said 3

  • He seems frustrated. Have them been other changes besides paying regular bills? Or has the bills been increasing? I know you want to avoid his new attitude but you have to see if he will open up to what is really bothering him. We all pay bills and he has been for years.

    • Yeah your right we have to talk

  • Have you tried talking to each other?

  • i have gone through that now its 50 50 what ever his is urs you have to have some say so i have been married 10 years if you would like to talk i am here

    • Thanks

    • keep ur head up high maybe he is stressed at work as well

    • But I don't have a credit card? He does so whatever we need I tell him. He goes and buys it so its not like I am using the card behind his back or something.

What Girls Said 5

  • I think you have a right to feel hurt. When we build a family certain responsibilities are given to each person and an agreement is made. You can't help the situation and he's making you feel worse for it.

    He has a right to be stressed about money, however he isn't expressing it correctly. While you offer solutions he seems to just want to complain about the issue at hand. He probably doesn't know how to fix it and is overwhelmed. When we feel overwhelmed we can say and do things out of character, and solutions to our problems seem impossible. When one is offered we sometimes disregard it especially if we are feeling frustrated.

    Since he "brings home the bacon" maybe you should let him manage the finances so he can see how expensive things really are. Suggest he does the shopping for a month, or you go together on the weekend so he can have an idea. I know it's not the ideal situation, but it could be that he doesn't realize how much things cost.

    • I think you are right

  • i think you have a right to feel hurt. have you asked him if there's anything you can do to help with his stress... stress sometimes makes people do crazy things and act ways they don't usually act. maybe he just needs something a little more from you that could help out a whole lot. could. be something really small even.

    • Honestly with so much I do for him and our kids. I don't see how much more. We even have sex 3 times a week. Even if I am not in the mood.

    • it could be something really really small that will just make him so much happier.

    • Okay thanks we will talk

  • Everyone in here has given some great advice, so I don't have anything to add. I hope everything works out for you.

    • Thank You! I totally agree with you 😊

  • Communication is so important like everyone has said. one of the biggest causes of divorce is finances my boyfriend and I have a system we budget even though he makes a great salary. Try working up a plan together. It also sounds like you guys need some time to get the spark back. Do you guys ever have alone time? Try getting a babysitter and going out on a date night just so you can talk.

    • We have sex 3 or 4 times a week that is not our issue. But talking is a big issue

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    • I don't think he is cheating honestly I know his social security number to check his credit card to see where he has used them at and we have a joint bank account so I know he is not. And I check his phone too once in a while.

    • Ok! Just a thought! I think the best option is just sit down and have a talk with no kids around and just put everything on the table

  • I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel hurt. But, you should also look at it from his perspective. He's the one that's bringing in income for your family. If there's not enough money left over after all the bills are paid, and your kids need things, he's the one that's going to be stressed out about it. Be considerate of him by spending money only on the things that you absolutely need, while being mindful of how much you're spending. If it's bothering you to the point where it may affect your marriage, talk to him about it.