Boyfriend does not want me to go to his best friends wedding. Been together for 9 years. Advice?

My boyfriend of 9 years is one of the grooms men to his best friends wedding. I knew that his friend was getting married because I have him as a friend on Facebook and his named was tagged on a post the his girlfriend posted and I saw it on my feed. This was like a little over a year ago. His wedding is the end of this month (September). one night My boyfriend came in at 1am I woke up and saw that he was putting an envelope inside the drawer. Next morning I looked inside and it was an invitation for the wedding with his name and a plus guest. He never told me. He was not planning on telling me. He did no want me to go. I waited for him to bring it up. He mention how HE was a groomsmen and how was HE going to get there and how where was HE going to stay. Never "WE" just "HE". Finally a month ago I confronted him about the wedding and the invitation. He admitted he was not going to tell me or take me and his excuse was because we fight a lot. I know he does not want me there because I am an embarrassment and because when we broke up he talked so much shit about me to his friend (groom) We broke up, I was dating someone and he accused me of cheating after we broke up. And he told his friends girlfriend (the bride) and her sister that I cheated on him. This was 3 yes ago. by the way he cheated on me 3 times. We got back together and we live together now. I feel he is still resents me and is embarrassed to introduce me as his girlfriend. Now he has no way of paying for anything no tux no rental car or hotel. He lost his job. Now he wants me to go to the wedding. And I feel it is because he wants me to pay for everything like I do everything else. I'm defiantly not going but it saddens me and pisses me off at the same time. Any advice?

Updates:
That's how I feel. He told me he does not want me to go because of my bad attitude and constant arguments and fights we get into and how We never gave a good time and because I'm anti social. I'm just socially awkward and have social anxiety.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My advice:

    1. Break up for real and find a new boyfriend.

    2. Tone down the drama in your life.

    3. Grow up.

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    • It's not that I'm immature, there really isn't any drama. Just that we both or stubborn and we just end up being mad at each other the whole day only. But I do get what you are saying. Thank you though.

    • As I was reading, my initial thought was that there was some girl at the wedding that he wanted to hook up with, but now he wants you to go and pay for everything. Doesn't that make you feel special? Obviously not.

      This is the problem with airing the dirty laundry in a relationship. You complain to your friends and family, he complains to his friends and family, and then you get back together and you are embarrassed to tell your friends and family that you got back together with the bastard. That puts an added and unnecessary strain on any relationship. This is the drama that I was thinking about when I said tone down the drama. Even if you are not guilty of badmouthing him to your friends and family, you chose a boyfriend who has done that to you. That's drama.

      Why do you want to be with a guy who you think is embarrassed to be with you? If all of this is so awful, why are you with him? You know, this is as good as it will ever be, right?

Most Helpful Girl

  • After reading all of this... I am trying to figure out what is the glue that is holding the both of you together?
    Your relationship seems so dysfunctional.

    The bigger picture here is,
    are you to even compatible?
    Should you two even continue to be together?
    And if so, you both have to stop this war you have with each other.
    Figure out a better route of communication and solving your problems.

    I think you both should start over.
    Write about how your relationship currently makes you feel.
    Then write about how you WANT it to make you feel.
    Write things down that you both wish to change.
    Exchange papers and read them out loud.
    Agree on becoming better for each other.

    Your relationship will not last like this.
    After this talk, being willing to let the past be the past.
    Move on together.
    If you choose to pay for him going to the wedding... then do so.
    The bigger thing here is, you both have to be putting in efforts to make things work.

    If you don't even trust him because of the betrayal he did to you in the past, then don't even give this any thought.
    Leave him permanently!

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 1

  • If he can't get past the past there is no future for you as a couple.

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