Why are people shallow with things like big, expensive weddings?

I really don't understand why you would need things like $3,000 dresses, or weddings that cost tens of thousands of dollars... or expensive rings... as if these are things that make people happy?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I find with weddings it's basically become a competition. Who can have the bigger wedding, or better decorations or bigger party.

    I recently went to my cousins wedding and it was super nice. Now they made a lot of their decorations. But people were already asking me when my wedding was, and I know if I was getting married they would compare the weddings and be petty about it. Please note, I am NO where near getting engaged even!!!

    It makes me sad, partially because I would love to be married. Not for the wedding, but to have a husband who loves me. I've had such a rough go the last few years it would be nice to have someone there to support me.

    Anyway, I feel like now it's sadly an expectation, not just from the people getting married, but guests and family members now to throw this huge wedding.

    TBH I want a small wedding. I don't want a bunch of people coming, I just want the people who matter to me and who I talk to the most. I don't want to have to entertain people who are going to pick apart every detail.

    I think for some people, the material things definitely make them happy. But for me I just want a simple wedding.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with big weddings if the people have the money. But many people are now putting themselves into debt just to do it. Makes no sense to me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Women only wear the dress once. It is a big waste of money, but they always insist.

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What Girls Said 17

  • yeah i think that a wedding needs to be within a reasonable budget, however, if someone has the money to spare, or if someone has worked hard for it, y not enjoy that 1 special day?
    on that day, yes. these things make people happy. i dont think there's anything wrong with having your dream wedding IF you're being wise about your spending.

    u know, a woman in a $1000 dress and a $3000 dress will both be just as happy on their wedding days. a wedding in the park and a wedding in a hall will be just as wonderful for both couples. it depends on the people and how they want to spend this day. that's all that matters.

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  • You have to realize that people like to spend their money differently. You may be more willing to fork cash for things these other people could care less about and vice versa. I personally am not eager for a big wedding for certain reasons, but from the people I have seen, there is a cultural aspect involved that sees marriage as a ceremony at the heart of the culture and these peoples' lives and so it deserves attention, effort, and money to make such a special day memorable. It's seen as a once in a lifetime event, so why not spend?

    It makes sense to me why people can get extravagant with life milestones. Life milestones are a big deal. One doesn't need to only spend on things that last long, you can spend on short memories too. I do think it's important for people to work with their budgets too. To each his/her own

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  • i don't get it either and, frankly, i don't care.

    when that day comes, i'm not going to have my friends shell out an entire paycheck on matching, unflattering outfits of my choosing or make my other half spend 6 months' salary on a ring. quite frankly, as long as it never belonged to an ex, i don't care how much it costs~ what matters is that it comes from him, since it ultimately represents our love for and commitment to each other.

    it makes zero sense to spend all of that money on the ceremony when we could put it toward the honeymoon instead. dresses are, unfortunately, rather expensive... though i refuse to buy into the idea that a wedding has to cost an arm and a leg, in order to be beautiful or memorable.

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    • 3 months ;)

    • even 3 months is excessive. but, if he wants to, i won't stop him~ i just want him to know that he doesn't *have* to.

  • Honestly a lot of it is just women lol some of them get this fairy tale day in their head and don't think about the price of it or use excuses like "it's my day". Well actually no, it's not your day, it's you and your husband's day and spending that much money just to show off for people who are supposed to be your family and friends is just self centered and dumb.

    I agree with you, I think going in debt for a wedding is insane and honestly even if you had the money then spending that much on a wedding is just stupid.

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  • I understand the dress and don't think it is shallow. She wants to look beautiful for you and lots of pictures are taken women spend a year sometimes getting the best shape of their lives to fit into a nice dress so that 50 years from now you can look back and say she was so beautiful.

    As for the big wedding though yeah that's not my thing. 50 people or so should do it but it is often the parents that make it into a bigger thing wanting to Invite everyone they know.

    The dress I get but for me that day is really just about that one person. Everything else is just background.

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  • People can do what they like with their money but remember just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you have to. You can have a small or even no wedding or tailor it to however you want. Some people love the big stuff. Dresses are expensive because of the materials and the work to make them but some women prefer not to spend that and buy second hand, make it themselves, wear their mother's dresses or just buy a regular dress for a fraction of the costs. There is no "here is how to have a wedding" so you shouldn't put people down for doing what you would not.

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  • An overly expensive wedding is sure a waste of money. I still want to spend/make an effort for a beautiful wedding, but I want to spend money reasonably. I wouldn't want pure gold or diamond jewelry for my special day. I would save the costs for a nice reception and entertainment. Instead of buying a wedding dress, I would rent one because it's more economic.
    It's silly spending a lot money on small little details. I wouldn't want a just a casual wedding at home or a lame wedding, but I don't want my wedding to be too expensive as well. Therefore when l'll be planning for my special day, I'll consider quality and price. Here is an example.
    I have a choice of three receptions: One is big, beautiful, has a nice, and it's very pricey. The second is smaller, beautiful, not as pricey and doesn't have as much advantages as the first one. The third reception is plain ugly and most affordable in town. I'l choose the second reception because I don't want to spend a lot of money but I still want something nice. To a certain extent spending on my wedding will make me happy. There is no way I'll be happy if my wedding turns out to be far from what I have expected. I want my wedding to turn out the way I've always dreamed of it since I was a little girl, so that I would be easily remembered :')
    Oh gosh, that was long :s

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  • I've never in my life met someone who had that expensive of a dress and that expensive of a wedding...
    I guess it depends on where you live...
    People love being shallow. And materialistic - seems to me like they're trying to compensate for something...

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  • i suppose for a lot of people they only plan on doing it once. I am glad I didn't have an expensive one as I am now divorced!! :)

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    • I messaged you on August 5

  • There's actually been studies done that correlated the cost of the engagement ring inversely with the rate of divorce - essentially, the more expensive the ring, the more likely the divorce. Obviously correlation is not causation, but it found it interesting. I imagine something similar would be found with expensive/over the top weddings..

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    • thanks for ignoring me from July

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  • Why is that shallow? If someone has the money, and wants to spend it on a wedding day, why shouldn't they? Weddings are very special for some people, if they want to go all out, then they can. Nothing about that is shallow.

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  • if they have the money then why not.. you don't get married everyday..

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  • I hate to tell you this but $3000 is not much for wedding dress.

    But if the couple can afford it I don't see the problem. It's when people spend all their savings or more than they can afford it's ridiculous.

    Does it make someone happy? Well it depends on the person.

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    • uh what are they supposed to cost then?

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    • Asker: Us men have it easy we just have to hire a suit.

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  • More often than not people throw expensive weddings to impress other people. And they usually end up being in debt for months if not years after the wedding (I'm talking about middle class people here not actual rich people). They don't care if they can afford it as long as people will talk about their grandiose wedding for years after and still be impressed with it. Pretty stupid if you ask me.

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    • It is traditional that the bride's family pays, although nowadays it's probably more common for both sides to split it. Still...

  • I can understand women who have extravagant weddings. Let them feel like a princess for a day if it's what makes them happy. I'd splurge on a couple specifics for the wedding, but would prefer to save for the honeymoon.

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  • I dont know. Most weddings I have been too were nothing fancy. They were simple and nice and the people didn't spend thousands of dollars on their special day. On the other hand my cousin spent quite a bit on her reception but it wasn't like those ones you see on tv with this over the top party type thing but they spent a lot of money on it.

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  • I agree with you. When I get married, I want a small barbecue ceremony at a park or house party.

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What Guys Said 15

  • I kind of agree. However, i just bought a nice diamond ring for my fiance. But the one thing that makes it special is knowing that a 9 year old African child working for a warlord risked his life so that she and I can celebrate our love by placing it ever so gently on her beautiful hand just like 300 millio other people.

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  • I honestly, really don't care because bottom line, it is not my wedding. I am not going to blow my mind in why someone else wants to do the wedding that they want in the way they want. If that's how they want to celebrate then fucking do it, if not then don't. I'd rather focus on the amount of that will be there to be had.

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  • When it comes to weddings there are two ways of thinking

    Way one
    It is you're wedding day and hopefully the only wedding day you will ever have because you will grow old with the person and not get a divorce so you should have the day you want and just pay what it costs because if you don't you will regret it later.

    Way two
    Spending 40 thousand dollars or something for one day of your life is a waste of money. It is about the people anyway not having the most expensive wedding in the neighbourhood.

    Some people have the mind set of "Way one" and others have the mind set of "Way two".

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    • WOOO NEW ZEALAND COOL

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    • Duh... I had my reasons why I decided to do what I did.

    • what were you doing BEFORE?

  • People have dreams about weddings and they want to make the occasion as lose to perfect as possible. Yes, they get carried away with expensive dresses, etc., but these are emotional responses in what should be once-in-a-lifetime circumstances, so try not to judge them too harshly.

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  • Because a lot of people don't plan more than 2 years ahead. If you ask someone in their 20s or 30s "how long do you think you will live?" "When do y think you can retire?" And "how much money do you need tto save ttto retire comfortably?", you will have a bunch of responses of " I don't know" or just random numbers.

    I estimated that I would need around 1mil to retire after 65 and try to squeeze as much as possible from the government to live a somewhat tight life. 2mil would allow me a bit more room until my 90s. 3mil and I can live with comfort until I die.

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  • Because the image of the "perfect wedding for a princess" has been drilled in to women's minds since childhood. They grow up believing that they must have the most lavish wedding possible because... well because.

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  • I think it's a woman thing.

    I've never met a dude who says he wants an extravagant wedding.

    I'd get married in my backyard if future wifey didn't mind.

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  • Agreed. Most weddings are the equivalent of a deposit for a mortgage. Why does anyone need the government or church to say they are married. Common law is just the same.

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    • eh, I was thinking more along the lines of an officiant and a few close people.

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    • So am I. Who married Moses to Rebecca?

    • Abraham and sarah I mean

  • Many people don't know how to let go and just be happy, they end up thinking that things like that will fill the emptiness that is their lack of peace.

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  • it's meant to be a one time thing/

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    • look, I'm not saying it shouldn't be special.

      You only get 3 or 4 weddings in your life maybe, so enjoy your special days1

    • and that's the problem.

  • Gotta conform to those social expectations!

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  • screw that, if I marry my girlfriend we are going to the court house

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  • I won't try to understand, not wired in that way. I am lacking the pompous asshole bone in my body.

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  • They make women temporarily happen. Women can never be satisfied -- they're an endless void of desire.

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  • Because for them it's all downhill after that...

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