Scared to death of dating now that Im older, can you help change my perspective?

Im 22 and just graduated college. And within the past couple years all of my friends are getting married, having kids etc. It really scares me. I know its because my parents got divorced when I was young and I already lived through a divorce. And that so many people today just do not last. They break their promises left and right. I was so scared, I even had to tell my current boyfriend that I dont want to get married. He understands. We never talk about it. He left once and so it also scares me that if he were to leave again that I would push him out of my life forever. Because it helps me move on... and I dont want that. I want to be with this guy. Any suggestions to overcome my fear here? Sometimes I think that when he does leave that I will just stop dating for good because I can't deal with the fear. I honestly think I would hurt myself over it if I ever got divorced. Its just too painful to live with.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 22 is not "older". 32 might be.

    Your peers who are rushing off to get married and have kids at 20, 21? Mistake. See how many of those marriages are still together in ten years' time.

    You have only just entered adulthood, there is no need to panic or worry. Take life as it comes, and don't make your miserable out of fear of being unhappy.

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    • Thats exactly what I have always thought. Whats the rush? It seems like they are afraid to be alone or have trust issues and thats why they commit

Most Helpful Girl

  • So first off, if your fear of marriage is affecting your life that much you need to see a therapist about it.

    Secondly, you absolutely don't have to get married if you don't want to, but the divorce statistics aren't that bad when you break them down. You're still very young and the average age of marriage in the US is something like 27 or 28. The older you are and the more educated you are for your first marriage, the less likely it is to end in divorce. Don't rush into anything just because its what all your friends are doing.

    Thirdly, not getting married will not protect you from heartbreak. Your heart will be broken at some point in your life. Either through a breakup or the death of a loved one. Life is hard, and you can't protect yourself from loss by insulating yourself from all the good stuff. A divorce would not be the end of your life. Divorce is just a breakup with paperwork. Anything else dealing with divorce has to do entirely with the people involved and it would be messy even if they weren't married when they breakup.

    Seriously, you need to really think about what it is about divorce that scares you so much. Because it sounds to me, that you are more scared of committing to someone at the risk they might leave you than you are of the realities of divorce. You really should work through your fears with a therapist.

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What Guys Said 2

  • look if you don't trust men its okay,
    cause I don't trust these hoes and im older than you,
    trust me it may sound bad stay single, have a fuck bubby

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  • You always miss 100% of the shots you never take

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What Girls Said 2

  • Your parent's divorce is not going to be your future incident too. Separate those experiences. You observed their divorce and you are not your parents getting a divorce.

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  • Women get raped and abused and you are blaming your fear on divorce of parents
    Whatever

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