Is it cheating to hang out with my female best friend when I am married?

To go to movies, gym, dinner together? And play video games online with her on PC or PS3? I also go out with drinks with her. My wife slapped me when she saw me hug her goodbye, and now I have to sneak out to see her. Her husband also was angry at both of us. Is it cheating to hang out with my female best friend when I am married?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Me, single, and them, my married friends, have had this conversation a few times and according to them, when you are married, the rules of relationships change dramatically when it comes to the opposite sex. We know from what society has shown us that hiring a hot nanny or pool boy can often lead straight to divorce, so there is something to keeping ones good eye on whom you invite into the home or whom your spouse hangs out with. It's not that you think they will (or hope they won't) cheat on you per se, its just no one wants to give anyone else an opportunity to do so. So hanging out with said friend with the wife present. Good. Hanging out with the friend with a group of your and/or your wife's friends. Good. Telling your wife well in advance that you are going to hang out with said female friend at this time and date doing this activity and checking in with her during. Good. Sneaking out to hang out with said friend without wife's knowledge and despite her objections... will not end well for you the millisecond she finds out (and trusssst, she will). Just listen to yourself on that one. If you found out your wife had been say sneaking out to see her "good friend" instead of going to book club twice a week, would you just be cool with that? Doubtful. If the friend really and truly is a friend, you shouldn't be spending more time with her than your wife, and you shouldn't be sneaking around. If you want to hang out with her be honest and upfront about it to your wife and also respect your wife. If she feels uncomfortable around this woman, is there some truth behind that... I mean, you are sneaking around with her (even as friends).

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That really depends. Did this person come into the picture after you were married? That's a little strange, and would give good reason for her to be suspicious.

    My situation is the same, yet different. When I first met my wife, she was introduced to my gal pals. I have a shitload of girl friends, and very few male friends. My wife saw how I interacted with them over the years and got accustomed to it.

    My wife doesn't particularly like scary things, video games or swimming, so she refuses to do these things when I ask. If I want to watch a scary movie, she will actually suggest I go with some of my girl friends because she understands the nature of those relationships. I also go with a particular girl to the arcade who is good at games. And in the summer, I will gather a bunch of girls to go to the waterslide park... and my wife will not go.

    When I'm in one of my "loner" moods, and neglect to call my girl friends for many many months, my wife will ask, "When's the last time you hung out with Carmen?". If I haven't called Carmen for 6 months or so, the wife will secretly text Carmen using my phone - pretending it is me - and set up a hang-out date to get me out of the house. So I am doing the same thing as you, except I do not hide anything.

    It's partly whether your wife feels like she can trust you, and also whether she knows the girls you hang out with. If you're sneaking out to do things without telling her, you're just adding fuel to the fire.

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What Girls Said 16

  • If it is just friendship.. why did you have to hide it if it's only innocent things that are happening? I think the secrecy is more the issue opposed to who you are spending time with. I'd respect your wife and do well by her, try explaining why you felt like you couldn't tell her and reassure her that you are only seeking friendship with this other woman. If she still has an issue I'd put the friendship on hold and commit spending some time with your wife to heal the wounds this situation has created. If she starts to loose trust in you and you have to hide things from her, this is when a relationship will start to fail. You've been given a yellow flag here to make things right so take this opportunity to sort things out if you value your marriage. Your friend can wait. Secrets hurt.

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    • she was not ok with me hanging with her 1 on 1, and neither was my friend's husband :/

    • Show All
    • both have happened

    • So honestly do you have feelings for your best friend? I think you do even though you've tried to surprsess them, you cannot...

  • Do you like your wife going out to dinner with other men? Being physically intimate with them? Getting all sweaty working out together? Sitting together in a dark movie theater?

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  • as long as your wfe is ok with it, i wouldn't worry about it too much. but her husband doesn't like it, so you should probably back of just a little bit. maybe hang out less. as long as nothing emotional or physical is going on its not cheating. but it could easily lead to it. or it could hurt ur spouses even tho nothing is going on.

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    • Cheating is *not* doing something that makes the partner jealous: jealousy is just a symptom of a feeling of (possible) inferiority.

    • The inferiority hasn't to be real: the feeling is enough to trigger jealousy.

  • I think most define cheating as something in a more physical nature. But I think emotional cheating is something entirely different and I believe it is of a deeper level. However, this is just my opinion. Now I don't know if you have these deeper feelings for your friend. And so what if you do? It's how you act on them. And who are we to judge you? Do we know how your marriage is going with your wife, no! So you are going to do what makes you feel good. And why shouldn't you?

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  • No! That's not cheating, but why are you not doing those things with your wife regularly? I get the suspicion from both side if you're hanging out with her a lot. If it's just once in a while, it's fine. Your wife shouldn't feel like the emotional connection between you and your friend is stronger than between you and your wife, so reassure her and tell her that you don't feel emotionally attracted to your friend because she is, after all, a friend.

    Lastly, ask yourself if you /really/ don't have feelings for her. If you sneak out on your wife to see her, you might be feeling a little more for her than just friends.

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  • that's not good to "sneak out " to meet a female "friend" and on top of that i agree with what @MargaritaPeach said

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  • No its not cheating if you are hanging out with your best friend. Were you supposed to end all of your friendships with women when you got married? I think not. I think your partner obviously has some jealousy issues and insecurities.

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  • Why not just go on double dates? Technically it's not cheating, but it sounds like things are getting hairy. If you are being secretive it can be just as hurtful as cheating because it breaks trust. Sounds like all four of you need to talk and straighten out these things and let it be out in the open just try involve both of them. But maybe you should re-evaluate your feelings for both of them. If anything she probably feels unimportant and like the second choice. She feels defeated like she's having to compete with this other woman. That's why she's uncomfortable. Dude get it together if you love your wife be understanding and compromise with her.

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  • It's not cheating, but it's not right if you're sneaking around to do it.

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  • The question is would you be okay with your wife sneaking off to hang out with her guy bestfriend even though you do not approve.

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  • No it's not cheating but by manny it's considered inappropriate for two married people to hang out alone in private. Maybe invite someone else along to avoid suspicion and keep your wife happier.

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  • Why are you two acting like you two are cheating no wonder your partners are mad and also, why you spending so much time with her you should spend with your wife most of the time.

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  • she needs to divorce you
    what a mess

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  • Here's the question: do you like spend time together with you 'female best friend'? If you do then don't force ur self to be with ur wife.

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  • I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation

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  • No but it's sneaky as hell to go behind her back. If you are doing nothing wrong why sneak. I think it's inappropriate for married men to go to movies with female friends alone. What you are doing sounds childish, petty, and suspicious

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What Guys Said 17

  • Since you have to "sneak out to see her", you know that it is cheating. You know you are hiding it from your wife who doesn't like it and that is cheating. You are hiding it from her husband who doesn't like it, and that is cheating. What part of the word "cheating" do you not understand?

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  • I don't think it is technically cheating, but it is very inappropriate. You are spending time with her and doing the very same things that are special to many couples. I think it is bad judgement to hang out with her like that without each others spouses present. It may be innocent to you, but not to the spouses. You need to remember that friends come second and a spouse comes first. With male/female friendships there will always be a natural conflict of interest as nature can always find a way to take its course. Nothing wrong with having a female friend, but hanging with her in private may be something you should not do anymore.

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  • If you must hide it from your wife. . . you know it is wrong!

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  • No, its not at all. Unless your other stuff is happening when your hanging out. I really don't see how this is wrong in any way. Was there ever a romantic relationship between you? Then I could see why there is an issue. Besides that, if you are just two friends hanging out, there should not be an issue and you should tell you wife that. She should be understanding of that However, if she really doesn't want you to be around her for whatever reason, you should respect your wife and your relationship with her first.

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  • People are gonna tell you it is because, for some reason, guys and girls can't be friends (which I call bullshit on).

    If she's your best friend, no it isn't wrong. Y'all are friends and have probably known each other longer than you've known your wife. Hell my best friend is a female and told her boyfriend, quickly, that we're close friends and he's fine with me and knows damn well that if he doesn't want us to hang out, or prevents it, HE'S the one in trouble.

    So I think your wife and her husband are being ridiculous right now and probably assuming y'all are having sex. Unless you're kissing, hugging really intimately, and actually doing anything it's not cheating. Just insecure people you both are married to.

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  • I think your wife and his husband are both immature sexist individuals who have never had friends of the other gender due to their immature sex-fueled outlook on all and every social relation. And your wife is violent, too. You might have made a mistake when you signed that paper.

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  • Not as long as its just as friends.

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  • This much hanging out, es it is. It wouldn't harm you if it were something like once a week or somthing, but sneaking out to see her? Dude, that's something a highschool kid does to see his crush.

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  • in my opinion it is *not* cheating.

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  • It's not cheating. My best friend is female and I expect anyone in a relationship with me to accept that. Her (now ex) boyfriend didn't approve of our friendship and she basically told him where to go. We do all the stuff you described above.

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  • If your wife is ticked at you out of jealously and her husband is angry at both of you, it doesn't sound ideal.

    Not cheating though, obviously. Cheating would be if you two were going off to the movies then having sex.

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  • Okay maybe it's not a good idea to hug her in front of your wife, but if you're nothing but friends it's ridiculous of her to keep you from hanging out. Would she ground you if she had a good male friend whom you complained about?

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  • no it isn't

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  • Of course not!

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  • Both seem so insercure, but try to get them to understand,

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  • Your wife becomes your best friend

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  • Does she swallow? If no then no.

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