Is it cheating to hang out with my female best friend when I am married?

We go to the movies, gym, dinner together. And we play video games online PC/PS3/PS4/Wiiu? Xboxes. We also go to a retro game store nearby and look at all the old games from ps1/n64 era and reminince. I also go out with drinks with her. My wife slapped me when she saw me hug her goodbye in front of her, and now I have to sneak out to see her. Her husband also was angry at both of us, and forbade her to see me. She also had to sneak out to meet up with me. One time, we got home at 4 AM from a midnight dinner at Denny's. Both of them yelled at us. Is it cheating to hang out with my female best friend when I am married? All that is happening is some compliments (nice dress, etc), and hugs.

I also stood up for her when a guy tried to hit on her when we were out for drinks in a bar. I put an arm around her and walked her away from that guy..

And one of her single female friends also invited us both to play Xbox and wii and ps3 and gamecube at her house.

Is this wrong?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whether you want to hear it or not, what you're doing is indeed wrong. And yes, it's what one would call emotional cheating. You're married now. Things. Change. When one enters the sanctity of marriage.

    For a start, your wife's feelings should come before anyone else's, and she's clearly hurt by all the attention you're giving your female friend - and rightly so! I'd be upset too if my man preferred hanging out with his best friend all the time over me.

    As for hugging your friend... in front of your wife? How rude and inconsiderate of you. She already clearly feels vulnerable enough around this other woman, and here you are, entering into physical intimacy in front of her? Not wonder she hit you, I hope she made it a good one too. Usually I'd say it's ok to hug other people. But in this situation, it's really not. There's close and then there's over the mark way too close. This situation is the latter, and if you don't watch it, you'll end up ruining BOTH marriages. Which is highly selfish.

    If you knew you didn't have much in common with your wife then you shouldn't have married her. But you made that choice to make sacrifices for her and COMMIT solely to her. You're not a teen anymore who can run about with whoever you please. Show you're wife that you love her and find things in common with her that you BOTH want to do. It doesn't have to be gaming or whatever else. Doesn't have to be baking either. Just find activities you both like and have fun together.

    Abandon this other woman or tone down your 'friendship' with her. It's clear that you have some kind of underlying feelings for her and you obviously really enjoy spending time with her too. There's potential that this friendship could soon turn into an affair at any given moment. This is how it always begins, when men and women find they enjoy life much more outwith their marriage. Compliments 'ooh, nice dress' and hugs? All of these things are what lead to cheating - physically - and you're clearly already cheating emotionally! Can't you see that? Wake up before it's too late! You should be telling your wife she looks beautiful and nice - not this Trollop! She has her own husband to do that.

    Your wife and her husband have every right to be concerned and if I was in either of their positions, I would be concerned too. Show your wife you love her, for any favour. She clearly loves you anyway. You know, that what you are doing, is wrong. You don't really need anyone on here to tell you so.

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    • Also hanging out at midnight til like...4am? Is that wrong you ask? You should be in bed at home with your WIFE making love to her at that time in the morning. Honestly! Why are people so downright clueless and self centred these days?

Most Helpful Guy

  • You know the answer to this already.

    Don't hide behind the technical definition of "cheating".

    You know what's in your heart. You're the only one that can answer this.

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What Girls Said 11

  • At this point, I would consider it emotional cheating. Even if it wasn't cheating, the point here is that you are hurting your wife by what you are doing. You have been made very aware that what you're doing is hurting your wife but you keep doing it. Regardless of whether you're cheating on her or not, you're hurting her and you wouldn't keep asking if this is wrong if you didn't already know that it was.

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    • Yes, I agree with this sooo strongly! It's definitely emotional cheating. If you KNOW what your doing is upsetting your wife, and you have COMPLETE disregard for that and continue doing it because YOU like doing it (complete selfishness) then yes, you are cheating and why the hell is this woman's needs and desires more important than your wifes?

  • I don't necessarily see it as a problem, however you need to take your spouse's feelings into consideration. While it's not a big deal to you, and you (hopefully) would NEVER cheat on your spouse they may not see it as the innocent fun you say you're having. Try sitting down and talking with them. Have them explain clearly WHY they have an issue with you hanging out with your friend. And reassure them that you love them and ONLY them. If you can't reach a compromise then you should stop hanging out with your friend alone. Something like that is not worth ruining your marriage over. But if this is a recurring thing with your spouse not trusting you around women in general I would recommend going to a marriage counselor because there's obviously a deeper issue than her not liking your friend.

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  • I'd consider this emotional cheating.

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  • Its not cheating but since it makes your wife and her husband feel as if they are being cheated on - you should probably tone it down/

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  • The bigger question here is, why the fuck are you not married to this best friend instead of your abusive wife?

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  • does your fiance hang out alone with guys? or does your bff's husband hang alone with other girls @ 4am? then everything's fair.

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    • not really.

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    • we have different interests than our partners

    • I'd bet you'd feel extremely jealous if they copied you... why else would you feel comfortable enough to come home @4am like that? because you know they both won't do the same back to you.

  • Yes, this is cheating

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  • It's not cheating but another woman as your bestfriend before your wife can cause problems.

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  • Sounds like emotional cheating to me. As long as you give time to your spouse and make sure her feelings are okay as well, it will be okay. Same thing if your partner started hanging out with one guy all the time, going to football games, bars to watch the game, plays pool with just him, etc etc. It's not fair on your then... this isn't really fair to her.

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  • If you have to keep asking questions about this situation, then yes, something is wrong.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1711516-my-wife-won-t-let-me-hang-out-with-my-best-friend

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  • Are you sure you are married with the right one? You should do all these stuff with your wife, or most of them. She is the one you will going to spend your rest of life, not your bff or your crush I do not understand the difference after I read this. Don't think you should see your "friend" anymore, make up your mind. Is she worth to lose your wife?

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    • she is not really into gaming or certain movies

    • Yes you're right about that activities but it seems you spend so much time with your bff. Isn't marriage is about compromise? Why don't you find activities you both like?

What Guys Said 6

  • If you have to ask "is it wrong" it probably is.

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  • As long as you are just hanging out and not making out or having sex, then I wouldn't consider it cheating. Granted, it might be a good idea to invite your wife with you every now and then. But your wife should already trust you, if you haven't cheated on her before (and don't plan to cheat).

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    • i have not and never will. but she does not like gaming

    • If that's all it is, then you're not cheating. The wife and the husband are blowing things out of proportion. If they get jealous when you hug her, then they should be jealous of your mom - as I'm sure you hug her. It's ridiculous.

  • The part that you went home late, that's wrong. If you're married you have to take care you get responsible. But the rest of the stuff is perfectly fine unless there creeps in the subject of intimacy. Very few people are lucky to have such a good friend and you better stick to her but try to make your and her spouse understand your friendship and don't do anything provocative that will make your partners feel bad.

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  • Is it really worth it? Isn't your wife your best friend, and if not, then why is she your wife?

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  • Emotional cheating and can ensue problems between you and your wife

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    • it is not cheating

    • Your answering your own question. Although it can lead to emotional cheating and and emotional schism between you and your wife.

  • Nice to see some retro gamers. LOL
    Answer to question: you are not cheating.

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