Should I listen to this advice and get married? Although my wife just died?

My wife just died three months ago through bleeding during childbirthand, since then i've been taking care of my baby all alone. I don't know what i'm doing with her but i try my best and i ask the nanny for help sometimes. I'm working hard and keeping myself busy to not think of her as much as i can but it's not working. I started to smoke a lot lately instead of drinking and my mom advised me to marry a girl. She said that nanny is really interested and she could be the one. I told her i'm not ready to go through this again but she said i might not love her now but maybe one day. She said we look so pathetic my daughter and i for not having a woman in the house to make that house feels alive again. She said my daughter is going to grow up one day and she need a woman beside her. I'm not planning on that but my mom pointed some good points though.

  • Yeah the nanny is a good choice
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  • No don't you are going to regret it
    55% (11)33% (2)50% (13)Vote
  • Do what's best for your daughter
    15% (3)33% (2)19% (5)Vote
  • Maybe in the future not not now
    25% (5)34% (2)27% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm really really sorry for your loss... that was absolutely heartbreaking to read. You're still trying to process what happened, grieving, and vulnerable. It isn't the time yet to make big decisions, you need time to heal enough to get back on your two feet comfortably. You are young, and there will be more chances out there and your baby will never be alone. She has you, and who knows who she will have in the future. Take care of yourself right now, and let yourself grieve without any pressures.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I always get blasted for saying this but this is a very emotionally sensitive conversation and as much as I think I and everyone else on gag would like to help you with it I can't in good confidence sit back and recommend you take anyone's advice from this website on something like this. I've been here for years and some of the best people here are still nowhere near the level of a therapist and this a therapist level talk. I don't mean that in a you need help way I mean it in the it's best to talk about people who are more prepared to talk about tragic situations kinda way. We all go through tough situations and can help ourselves through them but that doesn't automatically transfer into being skilled with helping others. If your honestly looking for advice on something like this it's a lot more important to get good advice from people who work on emotionally troubling situations like this regularly. But in my opinion. Take your time with your life especially when it comes to relationships. Your mother may think she knows what's best but you can't just shove a new person in their and fix everything.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Forget what your mom said.

    Do you want to get married?

    If you do, she is not just gonna be there for the baby. She will be your wife too.

    Will you give her the love? Will you treat her as a wife?

    Are you ready to be the loyal husband again?

    Do you think she will be a good wife and a good mother to your child?

    If you have kids with the new wife, will you both be careful to not give less attention to the child from your previous marriage?
    If yes, go for it.

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  • You need time for processing your grief, so it's ill-advised that you jump into a relationship with the nanny or whoever out of desperation. Focus on yourself and your daughter until you are 100% ready to move on.

    As for your mother, she means well but seems concerned with image. If she feels so strongly of your daughter needing a regular mother figure, you can suggest that she help you with your daughter in the meantime.

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  • My deepest condolences. I'm sorry for your loss. I think you should have a time out period for your grievances and not date anyone for a while until this phrase is completely over. Do you like the nanny in that special way? If not, do not go for her despite what your mother says.

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  • Oh man this is a hard situation. God help you

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What Guys Said 6

  • You have to ask yourself if you can juggle taking care of your new daughter and work... AND a new relationship with someone you might not be all that interested in or emotionally invested in. Single fathers CAN raise children. My father raised my brother and I almost single-handedly. It was very tough, but he was very dedicated and he didn't chase after a woman in the mean time.

    Remember, the most important thing right now is your daughter and making sure she grows up happy and healthy. I can't imagine how difficult that situation must be for you, but don't put the welfare of your daughter ahead of your desire for a woman or your mother's desire to see her granddaughter grow up with a woman in the home... if anything, maybe your own mother can move in with you and help raise the kid if she thinks it's that important.

    Good luck. And thanks for staying so strong!

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  • I am sorry for you loss, but you shouldn't get married to get over your first wife. You need time to grieve and move on. You should focus on your career and taking care of your daughter.

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  • I recommended a similar criteria you used for choosing your first wife instead of using the nanny to fill the void. Your mom means well. She sounds like she's concerned with being judged. She may be right that the home can feel better if you have a wife and your daughter can benefit as well but I think it's important to find a partner you're more sure about rather than one quickly out of desperation. Plus I think you'll benefit being single for awhile so you can get to an emotional place where you feel happy as a person being alone. If you do that you can bring a women into your life as an addition to you life and not to help you get over her.

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  • take more time to move on from your wife. 3 months seems way to short of a time to emotionally be ready for a relationship

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  • If you don't love her, you can't force yourself into another marriage. Getting married again and getting a divorce will be worse than not having a second marriage in that time duration to begin with. Don't get your daughter attached to someone who may not be there in a matter of time.

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  • My wife died several years ago. We didn't have kids, but in my case, it was about a year before I was ready to be in another relationship. Your mother wants the best for you, but she can't live your life, and she doesn't understand what this loss has done to you. Take care of your child, learn to move on with your life after such a tragic loss, and whatever you do, DO NOT get jiggy with the nanny.

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