Help with marriage questions?

It sounds like a good thing to be married to one person who you'll share memories/moments with for the rest of your life, but:

1. Doesn't it get boring? The same kisses, sex, routine, etc. for years.
2. Anyone ever tried "hall passes"?
3. How do you make marriage fun again after X number of years together?
4. What about threesomes? For the couples who've tried it, has your partner contacted the third person again and again? How does your partner act afterwards?

* For people who have open-marriages, why did you chose it over traditional marriage? Do you get jealous most of the time? Do you meet with the person your spouse is going to be with?

Also, open marriage is just having sex with another person, right?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are married to the wrong person, marriage can be as bad as everything that you have heard. But, if you are in a successful marriage, your partner wants to please you and you want to please her. You get to know each other almost as well as you know yourself. You know what works and what doesn't work and you can maximize each other's pleasure. People make a fuss about variety but there are a few simple truths.

    1. There are only so many different ways that you can make you partner have an orgasm.

    2. There is nothing that you can do with a variety of partners, one at a time, that you cannot also do with having just one partner over that same time span.

    3. When you get older, you know what you like and what works. If you really like having a prostate massage while your wife gives you oral sex (or whatever it is that floats your boat,) then you will enjoy having it done almost every weekend and you won't complain about it being boring. (How many times have you had a pepperoni pizza? Do you complain now if someone offers you a free pepperoni pizza?)

    4. Being with someone who knows you well, you knows your moods and how to treat you when you have had a bad day, who knows what to avoid saying, who knows what your favorite meal is and prepares it without asking, Who knows exactly what to say and when to say it. . . all of that beats the hell out of variety.

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    • How do you deal with jealousy? What about sex life when you're partner isn't as good looking as they used to be?

    • Trust is the antidote to jealousy. You must do everything that you can do to develop trust and never do one thing to erode it. If both partners have the same attitude, their mutual trust will be stronger than any tests that they must face.

      As you get older, your body will change. You never notice it from day-to-day, but one morning you look in the mirror and see a gray hair. Seems like just a few weeks later and you have many gray hairs. Your partner's attraction to you changes over time, and she loves you for who you are. She changes, too, and your attraction to her changes. At 20, you can't imagine how you would ever be attracted to a 60 year old woman' I know I couldn't have imagined it. But now I am 60, my girlfriend is 63, and I want to jump on her bones every time I see her.

      You'll be okay. You're not so different than everyone else and all of those things that help people to be competent and happy as they get older will happen to you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Getting married young we actually considered the question of being satisfied with each other for the long run. The thing that really answered it for us is the fact that neither of us has ever dated or really ever been interested in anyone else other than an immature crush or two. The other thing we feel we had going for us is that we have been close, best friends, BFF's for now over thirteen years and our relationship married or not just keeps getting closer! We are also very committed to making our marriage last a lifetime. We feel that the key to our marriage is a deep committed love with a long lasting friendship with many mutual interests pursued alongside our marriage.

    As far, as a threesome, I'd rather throw myself on a grenade, it would be about as destructive to our relationship!

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    • What do you do when you two are out in public and you (or your partner) see an attractive person? If YOU find the person attractive, do you take quick glances or ignore the person? If you think your partner thinks the person is attractive, do you keep an eye on him to see if he's checking out the person or do you let him do what he wants?

What Guys Said 1

  • Everything gets boring. I got bored of casual sex when I was younger and I was doing it all. Sex with one girl / sex in public / sex with two girls / sex with people watching / Orgies / BDSM... you name it.

    And my current wife had too.

    And we both quit all that because, at a point, it had no lasting meaning.

    Yes, marriage does sometimes get boring... and sometimes those "boring spells" sure do seem to last forever. But you do come out of them.

    I gave up on casual sex because it had no meaning. I haven't given up on marriage because... IT DOES have meaning. So I deal with a bit of boredom because the payback is that huge for me.

    That joyful, excruciating, heart-wrenching kind of love only lasts a few years... WITH ANYONE. What are you going to do? Go through life changing partners every four or five years? That's no way to live.

    But you can build something meaningful with the right person.

    My wife and I have been together now for thirty years. She knows me better than anyone else on the planet - even my mother. And - I'm the same with her.

    How could we ever separate? She's a part of me. I fell in love with her because she was beautiful and bubbly and smart and great in the sack.

    I'm in love with her now because she stuck with me all these years (and she's still hot and great in the sack! ;) ).

    And yeah, I DO miss other women and fucking them. I also miss cigarettes, I quit those two.

    LOL - I actually told my wife she had EARNED a hall pass, and if she wanted to pick up a dude, go for it - just make sure it's no one we know.

    What she told me... "When I was single, I had a lot of bad first-time sex. It's taken me 30 years to train you up, boy - and I did a good job training you. Why would go out and waste time finding anything else that's not going to be as good as you."

    Heh... that's true. And she doesn't even have to get dressed up and put on make-up for me to want to "take her" ... she just needs to shoot me that "look".

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think it is up to the couple to keep sex interesting and exciting. It starts with good communication. I think the threesomes idea is a disaster waiting to happen.

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