I am having doubts about marriage in general?

I know that marriage is a social institution and I'm starting to question if it's the right thing for me to do. I know that there are legal benefits to marriage, but beyond that, I don't see what difference there is between living with a partner who you are married to and a partner who you are not married to. I'm starting to see marriage as a loss of independence and it's scaring me to think that I'll be tied to my boyfriend and any bad decision he makes for the rest of my life. I could get a prenuptial agreement and refuse to give up my last name, but even so, divorce is complicated and not something I would ever want to go through. After explaining this to my boyfriend, he starting saying that I have no faith in us as a couple, saying that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't intend to marry me, and saying that unmarried couples who live together are nothing but fuck buddies. He was getting very heated. I think it's because he has a mother and aunt who are both divorced and lonely, and so he's told himself that he will get married and it will be different. But I think to get married just to prove that you can do better than your family is stupid. I don't know what to do. Should I leave him? Was I never meant to be in a relationship at all if I feel this way?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • — "I know that there are legal benefits to marriage"

    Such as?

    — "I don't see what difference there is between living with a partner who you are married to and a partner who you are not married to"

    That is because there is no difference. There's no advantage to getting married. You don't gain anything. There is no point.

    — "I'm starting to see marriage as a loss of independence and it's scaring me to think that I'll be tied to my boyfriend and any bad decision he makes for the rest of my life"

    It doesn't have to be like this, but it often is, so I agree.

    — "I could get a prenuptial agreement and refuse to give up my last name"

    If you get married, do this. The only fair solution is to either keep yours, which I'd prefer, or have the both of you hyphenate (your husband also has to take your name) but I don't see why you'd need to actually change your name. You're not an object of property, so you shouldn't feel forced to take the name of your husband; he doesn't take yours either.

    — "he starting saying that I have no faith in us as a couple, saying that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't intend to marry me, and saying that unmarried couples who live together are nothing but fuck buddies"

    That is a load of bullshit.

    — "I think to get married just to prove that you can do better than your family is stupid"

    And you're right.

    — "Should I leave him?"

    If he keeps going about marriage, yes.

    — "Was I never meant to be in a relationship at all if I feel this way?"

    No, don't think that. You just don't want to marry and that's your choice, you shouldn't feel forced to marry at all.

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What Guys Said 7

  • ""unmarried couples who live together are nothing but fuck buddies.""

    By that logic, married couples who live together are nothing but fuck buddies, with an additional legal paper about it.

    To be honest, the more you think about it objectively, the more you realize there isn't really a point. But then again, I'm not 28 yet, and not married, so I'm not sure if what I'm saying is true. Marriage is something that is given only as much importance as one chooses to believe it to be important.

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  • "I'm starting to see marriage as a loss of independence and it's scaring me to think that I'll be tied to my boyfriend and any bad decision he makes for the rest of my life."

    I witnessed my parents about it and made up my mind on that foundation.
    And it's not the tiniest bit of pretty. It is literally being doomed for nothing if this oh very unfortunate event comes.

    I feel you, anon :-/
    imagik.fr/.../205823_234316109943247_3924324_n.jpg

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  • If you are not religious and you are perfectly fine with "living together" then go ahead. Nobody can convince you otherwise. Useless debate.

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    • Just don't produce kids please. Because it is no fault of bastards to be born bastards.

    • Hey, there's nothing wrong with birthing kids as long as you provide a nurturing and loving environment that allows them to grow; and you can have that whether you have a ring on your finger or not.

      Unless you are talking about some kind of legal repercussion?

  • If you're with the right person being married or not married won't be a concern to either of you. It'll just be something you enter into happily or happily don't need - mutually in both cases.

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  • marriage is a promise, dedication to each other, a hope, a dream

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  • Don't get married. Neither of you brings anything to the table for the other.

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  • Yeah fuck modern marriage. Nobody wants to be with free and equal women... we always knew what your kind was like.

    And men are waking up IN SPITE of feminist brainwashing since childhood lol

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well, I don't really think I need marriage but that doesn't mean I'm not committed to my partner. We face the world together me and him, the decisions we make are usually made together but if he makes a decision about his life I will almost certainly stick by him. If he is about to make a silly mistake then I will try my damned hardest to talk him out of it. We have become a partnership, not just people who live together and love one another. Our life is OUR life, we are in this together through the good and the bad times. He is my partner in crime and I wouldn't want to abandon him to deal with a bad decision on his own, sounds like you don't want to be in a committed relationship, let alone marriage.

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  • Leave him.

    You both want different things in life so it will never work.

    Plus nobody needs to get married anyway. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together for about 30 years and have never been married.

    "Any marriage, any ceremony, any ring will not define that truth"

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  • "it's scaring me to think that I'll be tied to my boyfriend and any bad decision he makes for the rest of my life."

    to me, that's the key issue. if he wrecks anything in your marriage, you'll both have to work really hard to fix everything, and if it's financial the consequences could be for years. no one's perfect, so I think it's awesome your really thinking about this.

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  • Marriage is just a contract.

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  • Personally, I view marriage as the union between two families. While there are two people in the union, the two families also become united as a result. It is no wonder why the children of such a union are the legitimate heirs of the assets of the two families. If you think of marriage as family and inheritance, with respect and love on the side, and sex as a means to further the family line rather than as a means to receive pleasure from whom you love romantically, then I believe you would have a more favorable opinion of marriage.

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