Wife has had a secret relationship with 17 year old what do I do now?

My (32) wife (28) has had a secret relationship online for about 3 months now - she has been to see him on 3 occasions and pretended he was just a friend. Bit of backstory but we haven't had sex in about 2 years now) and she claims to love me but wants to keep seeing this kid for the passion. They haven't had sex, but have done some oral. They certainly want to take things further. I love my wife, but i don't really know what to do - i mean forcing her to do anything will be bad, divorce would be ultrabad and a 3-way relationship is bad. Help?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, buddy, your marriage is over.

    She is cheating on you. That is NOT okay, ever!
    You guys haven't been intimate in years. That's the first sign that a marriage is on the rocks. If you can't get over your intimacy issues, cheating often ensues. She has openly admitted that she wants to see someone else for "passion". Unless you can fix that issue, you will never be in a monogamous relationship, because she will get it from somewhere else.

    If you're okay with that, then fine, continue forward. Maybe you could even get someone else for "passion".
    If not...

    She has broken your trust. I doubt you'll ever trust her again.
    I doubt there's a way for you to ever feel happy and satisfied in a relationship with her. I think you might have forgotten what it feels like to be with someone that has mutual respect, trust, love, and passion for you. I feel like maybe you've forgotten what it feels like to be happy with someone. I could be wrong, it's just an assumption.

    My advice: divorce her.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The answer initially is clear to me: find a bang up couple's counselor and get to work recreating your sexual relationship. What you do about the other guy is up to you but in my experience the guilt card is like a thermonuclear weapon with women. Just remind her of her wedding vows and not just the "forsaking all others," but the better or worse. If she will devote as much energy to healing your sex life together as she does swallowing he young hunk's cock, you should be golden.

    Are you kinky? Is she? If so, be very, very careful to find a kink friendly therapist. The vanilla ones just don't get it.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well why haven't you guys been intimate In so long? None the less 17 is not legal FYI I don't care for the age of consent, it is her responsibility to not engage with him In a sexual manner. Spice things up, if you want to save your marriage, try to engage in things she likes and show her that you can do anything the 17 year old can.. BUT better. Seeing how divorce is out of the question, talk to her and I mean really talk to her

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  • First of all, of she does anything more with the kid before he turns 18 she can be convicted of statutory rape. Hell, she probably could be convicted with just the oral sex since he's a minor and she's more than 10 years older. Second, your wife is cheating on you. And she's being quite obvious about it too. If you really love her and don't want to lose her, give marriage counseling a shot. That could help you mend the relationship. But, in my honest opinion, I question how much she really wants to be with you. You guys haven't been intimate in two years and she's cheating on you with somebody else for intimacy. If she really did love you, she would choose you and only you. Give marriage counseling a try. I wish you the best of luck!

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  • Well if you're not going to leave her or divorce her I guess you're stuck in a love triangle.

    If it was me I would report her to the cops more re than likely the boy isn't legal.

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  • omg you poor thing :(( sorry to hear this.

    maybe she's only seeing him for the sex considering you haven't done it in two years? talk to her about it, why haven't you had sex with her in 2 years? you should try having sex again, maybe that'll help I don't know... at least talk to her about it, mention her the idea, not just a casual talk, i mean a deep convo about why she is doing it. talk to her about why you think you two haven't had sex then ask her

    tell her how you really feel, that should get thorough to her

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  • No marriage counselling will ever fix the damage that has already been done to your relationship. She ended it a long time ago. Move on and don't ever look back. Sorry. xx

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  • Thee hell... My reaction after reading this. She is running all over you... She has zero respect for you, and that is the major issue here. You need to let her know that you are not okay with this and set some standards for yourself... I'm not advocating for divorce, but I am most definitely advocating for "mutual respect." How would she feel if you cheated with a 16 year old girl? Would she be okay with that? Would she take you back? Clearly articulate that either she stops or you are done!!! Listen... I thought this was befitting... "The more chances you give someone the less respect they'll start to have for you. They'll begin to ignore the standards that you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given. They're not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won't walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you." -Trent shelton

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What Guys Said 5

  • i don't see how divorce is ultra bad. and just for the record no 28 year old girl keeps 17 year old boys around as "just friends" or at least none that i know

    in my opinion you have to lay down the law. if you don't want her to see the guy put a stop to it.

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  • Oral is sex. She has mental problems if she wants to have sex with a child or keep seeing him further. I would divorce her if i was you she is a child whore to me.

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  • Get a marriage counsellor and counsel her. She will come back to you.
    You need counselling too. why did u allow or let ur marriage go without sex for 2 years? any healthy female would need to satisfy her sexual urges. And how do u satisfy your urges>>>?

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  • Is it legal where you live?

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    • yes, 100%

    • Then you can convince her or divorce or close our eyes on it.
      Or just tell her that you too consider your marriage an open marriage now.

    • edit: *close your eyes, of course.

  • haven't had sex in about 2 years now... now you get what to do?

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