Its an arranged marriage, am I wrong to except some sort of feelings from him?

So I am engaged to this guy and its an arranged marriage. I have feelings for him and I know he doesn't hold any feelings for me. He just agreed/settled for it. I dont know why but I want him to feel something for me. If not love i want him to at least like me more then a friend. When the idea of us getting married was first introduced I didn't really think this way. He seemed like a good husband but then i developed feelings for him and he still hasn't for me. He only consider me a really good friend.

We are going to get married but i dont know what to tell myself. I never did or am looking for love before marriage but I did fall for him. But it kind of hurts that I feel this way and he can't return the feeling. When he leaves after meeting, i can't wait to see him next. I want to stay with him and i dont want to go home. I feel like i am being clingy. We won't get married till next year and our engagement is fairly new. So i dont expect him to fall head over heels in love with me but i dont know what i can do to stop feeling like its unrequited love.

Updates:
Its also because of this its hard for me to kiss him. I feel like I am being used, if it makes any sense.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think its's wrong to expect feelings from him, but I do think it's kind of unrealistic.

    It's an arranged marriage so I'll have to question whether either of you had a real say in that situation. Also do you know if he was previously involved or is still involved with someone else? If he has someone else that can be a factor in his feelings towards you. Most of the males I knew who had arranged marriages had a side piece while they were "engaged". Do you know if he is physically attracted to you? Does he have any sort of a emotional connection to you?

    I don't want to pry into your personal life or sexual history but if you've never been in love before or been with other men, your feelings may be a desire for some sort of connection to your future spouse so the marriage will be happy. Feelings develop over time so it might take him longer to develop that attachment to you. I didn't see how long you two have know each other, but if it's only been for a short time that is definitely a factor. When we were dating, my husband knew he loved me way before I felt love for him, so it just takes some people longer than others.

    I do wish you the best and if this is your decision I support you.

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  • So he kisses you without feelings for you?

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    • Well that is how I feel. If people could have casual sex with no true feelings behind it then kiss isn't a big deal or am i wrong. I am going to paste what i wrong in the answer about us when it comes to physical touch.

      He doesn't hold me close or my hand. If we were in a group of friends you won't be able to say we were a couple. Sometimes when a guy and girl are alone people automatically think their a couple and even through i doubt people will see us as a couple. The touch barrier was broken when we kissed so whats up. That is the only time i feel close to him is when we kiss other then that i feel he is distance and i am just a friend

    • Maybe he's one of those shy guys who's not into PDA. Plus, aren't arranged marriages all the same? There's very rarely any affection before the marriage. But you could try and talk to him about it. You're set to marry him after all.

  • How long have you known each other? What makes you say he has no feelings for you?

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    • Well its only been a couple of months, around Sept. Well he hasn't said anything and when i once asked him do you like me more then a friend he kind of threw his head like he got annoyed but didn't say anything and just started to talk about what he planned to do for himself in the future. And then one day I text him, "its said you dont like the person who cooked it." He said "when did i say i didnt" then i replied "but you never said you did" he replies with an lol and that was it.

      He doesn't hold me close or my hand. If we were in a group of friends you won't be able to say we were a couple. Sometimes when a guy and girl are alone people automatically think their a couple and even through i doubt people will see us as a couple. The touch barrier was broken when we kissed so whats up. That is the only time i feel close to him is when we kiss other then that i feel he is distance and i am just a friend

    • Ahh I see... well to be fair you guys are getting to know each other, and in a very non-organic way. What I mean by this is there is this pressure from the get go of intention, and typically guys shoulder that responsibility. In an organic way, the guy and girl may start out as friends but they are not thinking about marriage, just enjoying each other company and then with time it leads to marriage. You see the difference? I say you need to give him space and act like he is just a friend as well which builds a great foundation for a relationship. Keep him on his toes, because he is not wondering "Does she like me, will we be together?" That is guaranteed for him so he is taking advantage of that fact. Basically, you are waiting on him, always there he knows he has you. You gotta distance your self and have him come to you. No more insecurity texts about "oh you didn't like it?" Screw that, when you say those things he smirks and thinks "silly typical girl."

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