What are your reasons for wanting or not wanting to get married?

Please no BS sexist, rhetoric about how marriage is just a sham for women to emasculate men and/or take all their money...

My boyfriend and I were chatting about it on our way home from a friend's place last night (we were visiting with friends whose wedding we're going to in a couple months).

He kind of has the perspective that he just doesn't see any real reason to get married - weddings are expensive and a lot of work and, in his mind, don't really change anything about the relationship. As far as he is concerned, if you're with the right person, your relationship doesn't suddenly take on new meaning because you've signed a piece of paper in front of a bunch of people. Although he didn't say it, I also suspect that part of it is because he doesn't like being the centre of attention, so I think there is a certain element of just not wanting to have a wedding that factors into it.

While I agree with him to some extent about it not changing the relationship, I value the symbolic significance of bringing together two families and creating a new arm out of those families. We are both close with our families and have healthy, loving relationships with them so for me, that binding of families is significant and meaningful. And while I understand his perspective regarding the level of commitment, I disagree. For me, personally, marriage is another level of commitment. Right now we live together and are planning our forseeable future as partners, but we can easily walk away at any time. We are commited to one another as we are now and to the relantionship that we are in right now. But I think when you get married you are commiting to growing and changing with one another. You acknowlege that you will grow and change over the years, but want to do it together as a team. Sometimes, a relationship that was happy and healthy at one time is out-grown by one or both of the partners. In a marriage, you are committed to growing together within the relationship.

Updates:
...

0|0
6|21

Most Helpful Guy

  • I do want to get married, because i like the symbolism it brings. But, you boyfriend is definitely right. If you're already cohabiting, it really is a waste of effort and time. There is simply no real reason to get married. It's purely symbolic in today's Western World. It's not supposed to be something you simply can walk out of when you're not as happy as you were anymore.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I agree that with the ease of divorce it doesn't hold as much meaning in society as it used to, but for me personally, it still does. I do not view marriage as something you can walk away from, and I would not get married unless I am 100% sure I am committed to this for life. When I say "I do.. til death do us part" I will fucking mean it. lol

    • Show All
    • And i totally agree with you, asker.

    • Real good point.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Im not so sure about marriage yet since I still haven't fallen in love yet or met my soulmate.
    However, right now my opinion of marriage is more like its just purely symbolism. There is no more or less responsibilities than an unmarried couple living together. Though some people feel like they take their relationship to the next level by calling each other husband and wife. But there is always divorce available. To be fair marriage just makes the people stay together a slight bit longer than a couple because its not as easy to get a divorce as just leaving your partner as a couple.
    Unlike so in the past, divorce was highly looked down upon and not as easy as it is now. Hence why unhappy married couple stayed together because there wasn't really much of a choice rather than people loving each other for a much longer time (which some people seem to think).
    I've been to a few weddings and feel like its something I want to experience one day however, the cost is horrendous, so if its too much money for us as a couple then I'd rather just skip it.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 20

  • You seem to have a positive attitude towards marriage. That isn't typical of this site it would seem. You also have a better grasp of the institution of marriage than a lot of older adults do. I have been married just about my entire adult life ( since 19 ) . I've been married this time fore 18 years.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I've realized that if a man values his happiness long term, then he shouldn't get married. Women are abusive as it is, so when you take away any possibility of you leaving her, it just gets worse.

    Guys, if your girl gives you typical girl problems now, imagine if she knows you can't leave her without suffering legal consequences... Fuck that.

    1|3
    2|0
    • Guess you didn't read the first line...

    • Show All
    • If you're not talking about abusive behaviours then your original comment doesn't make sense. I'll just stop now though because I don't see this conversation going anywhere.

    • Fair enough.

      Good day

  • I'm not against marriage but marriage is a risky proposition for many reasons.

    You asked not to hear about how women take guys money when they divorce. This is generally true and is a major issue. I won't marry without a prenuptial agreement. I think this is the main reason most guys don't want to marry.

    Another issue is no one stays the same. People change. I'm not the same person I was when I was 15,20,29,30, or even 35. My opinions and tastes have changed. The person you're with today won't be the same person 5, 10, or 50 years from now. They may change for the better or the worse. Being divorced I saw this first hand. My wife got involved in drugs and started cheating on me with her drug dealer. That's a radical change from the person I first married. I in no way would have dated her let alone married her if I thought that was even a remote possibility.

    Another issue is curve balls. I'm 38. Let's say I got married tomorrow. Let's say 5 years from now my wife gets into a car wreck and is a vegetable. Now what? That's going to fu*k my life up. Her's too. Now I have to make decisions like: do I pull the plug, essentially killing the love of my life and the person most important to me on earth? Shit*y things like that can happen. With a girlfriend you don't even have a right to make a decision like that. Yeah, I get it's not likely but neither was coming home to a wife fu*king her drug dealer and money and all kinds of other s*it missing from around the house.

    Another reason is if things don't work out its a whole lot simpler to break up as opposed to go through a divorce.

    There are some advantages too, but I don't have space to list them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Pros don't outweigh the cons.

    Marriage doesn't garantee love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex.

    All it does is provide tax benefits which in my opinion are insignificant when you factor in what the higher earner stands to lose in the case of a divorce.

    Plus I hate cerimonies, think diamond rings are a sham, and would prefer to have an exit strategy in case things don't work out which they often don't.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Honestly, I have nothing against getting married. However as you correctly stated, weddings are really expensive. You buy this dress you only wear once in your entire life. To me, that's bananas. You can't exactly rent a dress like a tux. Then there's the wedding itself, then the reception and the honeymoon. Most weddings average $20,000. That's a lot of fucking money! Now take that $20000 and you've a good down payment on a house.
    But I get your view as well. It is not only a promise to stick together whatever life throws at you, but it's also a celebration of the couple getting married.
    Personally if I had my way, I'd do the whole backyard thing. Yes it's redneck however it is cheaper, and it'd be a lot more fun. Then you can have a really good honeymoon vacation as well.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I don't want a big flashy expensive wedding. Honestly I don't even want the dress -I think bridal gowns are outrageous and I think a simple white dress is prettier. I would keep the guest list small to only close friends and close family (none of this feeling obligated to invite aunts and cousins and such who I don't talk to on a regular basis). The only people who should be athere a wedding are people who play an active role in the couples lives, in my opinion.

  • I want desperately to get married but my wife forbids it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • In this country you'll pay higher taxes if you're married or if you live together without being married. 2 persons, same address= higher taxes.
    It sucks.

    0|1
    0|0
    • What country is that? Typically, being able to do your taxes as a household makes things cheaper..

    • Show All
    • ... why would they check your underpants count, what are they even looking for?

    • @Mesonfielde
      Too see if I live there on a regular basis.

  • If I ever decide to get a girl, I'll definitely get married. Marriage creates an emotional and psychological bond between two people. It's like being in an invisible box together :D ! And a lot of successful marriages are in fact ARRANGED marriages. Sure, arranged marriages are not for everyone, but the point is that people will learn to love each other and look at the good in each other when they are bound together. However as a Man I know Marriage TODAY is a load of Crap. If a woman divorces you she can take away half of YOUR stuff plus the judiciary favors women taking care of the kids while the Man STILL has to pay child support. Some Men are willing to marry if there is a prenuptial agreement that she cannot gain sole custody of any child or ask for alimony :D. The problem of Alimony and Children is how some marriages suffer because the woman uses it against the Man.

    0|0
    0|0
  • the negative is that people can change over time when hit with different scenarios. They can change for the better or worse. If a woman changes for the worse in a marriage, they tend to be the ones who have the most to gain from a divorce. Whether you want to hear it or not, the reality is that most alimony payments go to women, and women usually win child support. It's easy as a woman to not worry about these things because they don't often affect you, but im a guy, so i do worry. Looks aren't the only thing that can change over time.

    Now the positive is really the obvious stuff. Wanting a person to be in your life who you share the most intimate parts about you with. To have someone at your side when you're sick, or down on yourself is a nice thing to have. Personally, im still on the fence where marriage is concerned

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm "too single" for the moment... have been in touch with girls but never a real relationship. So I'll first need to get into one but I would absolutely like to get married one day :D

    0|0
    0|0
  • If children are made and / or in the works, then I honestly say marriage is a must. If not? Then it really matters not so much.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm with your boyfriend here. I don't see how a legal contract changes a relationship, besides making it harder to get out of it. I also really hate being the centre of attention, so a big wedding ceremony would be a total nightmare for me. And don't even get me started on the rings.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, I wanted to write something, but @Bandit74 already covered my view on it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Biblically speaking, I don't know your religion, but it says marriage occurs when you and yours become one... assuming you already fucked, in a way that makes you married

    But, I want to get married not now but eventually ( preferably in my late 20's early 30's) because I believe it's one of the steps in life as a man

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm assuming you're making a joke here, because no one in this day and age believes in that biblical definition of marriage lol

    • Show All
    • The truth?

    • I wasn't as biblically versed as I am now and I didn't truly believe or understood in the bible or the father when I was younger

  • I support marriage, but unfortunately in the West marriage is too risky for men, and many men are waking up to this reality. I've even come across many women who have admitted that marriage is dangerous for men because of the corrupt divorce laws.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't want to marry a goldigger

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was going to marry someone I met in October. She disappeared on December 10. She didn't tell me if she still wants me or if she moved on.

    So, now I've decided that I refuse to marry anyone, I should've just trusted myself before I met her. I don't want to marry someone who refuses to have sex with me but is willing to cheat on me. I don't want to marry someone who refuses to be sexually adventurous with me but was sexually adventurous with other men in the past. I don't see the point in getting married anymore.

    0|0
    0|0
    • You were gonna marry someone you met two months ago? That may be the problem... not marriage itself

    • Show All
    • It wasn't after two months, it was after two weeks. I'm not human anyway, so I don't use the rules humans have created for themselves. I saw Her Spirit resonating with My Spirit. However, her past clouded her judgement. She thought I would hurt her somehow, but I promised her I wouldn't. If she wants me again, then I'm always going to be here. But I sense that she has moved on, so I will be moving, as well. I was waiting to meet her my entire life. This time, destiny wants both of us to take different paths in this lifetime, at least for now.

    • Forgot a word in the following sentence... But I sense that she has moved on, so I will be moving on, as well.

  • It's fine for some people. I may do it one day but doubt it. There are some benefits to marriage but after 5 years or so I am usually fed up with my partner.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For:

    To raise children.

    Against:

    About everything else.

    0|0
    0|0
    • We don't intend to have children.

    • Show All
    • You don't need to be married to raise children though.

    • @Mesonfielde

      No, but in my view it's a very good idea for lots of reasons.

  • For me it really is the fact that women are favored when it comes to divorce, marriage is fine while you love each other, but if it goes wrong you can get fucked in the worst way and I'm not prepared to open the door to that sort of risk. It doesn't matter anyway because I'll just find a girl who doesn't want to get married- it means there's no problem.

    1|2
    0|0
    • You realize that cohabiting for years basically carries the same level of financial risk, right? Don't commit to someone, whether in marriage or not, who you don't 100% trust not to fuck you around...

    • Show All
    • Getting married and signing a prenup would actually carry less financial risk than cohabiting in most jurisdictions, especially if you co-own property.

    • Thanks for the advice! lolz. I don't know how you get a woman to sign one though, "listen love, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I'd rather you sign this just in case!" haha

What Girls Said 5

  • I used to really want to get married and still do one day, but kind of hesitant as lately this year I've seen a lot of marriages gone bad, and started to see the ugly side of it. A lot of people cheat, I'm not saying everyone of course, but even people I know who are married have cheated and or thought about it, it literally puts so much pressure on marriages.. I like the symbolic meaning, like I of course would love to call someone my husband one day however it's just terrifying.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't want to be legally bound to someone and I just don't really want that kind of commitment. I've never had a desire for a long term partner that I live with and I have to see them every single day and talk to them and spend time. That would get annoying.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Hey, that's totally fair and valid - as long as you don't lead people on who do want that :) We all have different wants and needs

    • Thanks! Yeah, I agree.

  • Don't want to because I can't imagine myself with just one person

    1|0
    0|0
  • Women work now so there's less incentive for them to get married.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't want to get married! I want to be a committed relationship and have kids! But I don't need a marriage license or a huge party!

    0|0
    0|0
    • If you found the right life partner who you wanted those things with would you marry him if marriage is something that he values and wants for his life? From what you wrote, it seems for you it's more about the "I don't need that" than "I'm against it". I think my BF's perspective is along those same lines.

    • Definitely! I'm not against it- it's just something that's not a necessity to me!

Loading...