Does anyone else wish they had an arranged marriage?

I know this may sound crazy coming from an American woman, but I think my life would have been way better if I had an arranged marraige. Why? Because the rules are laid out. You know that no matter what you and this person will respect each other and set goals together. When I work with this person there will be a benefit to me and our family.

Dating is hard and it sucks. I have dated men... built them up and helped them with their dreams. What did I get after their goals were reached? Nothing and here I am alone.

I would have wasted much less time, energy, and efforts if I had an arranged marriage.

(People have marriage all wrong these days. Marriage isn't about a fancy wedding. Marriage is about dedication, hard work, and respect. Marriage is something you have to work at everyday, like a business).

  • I feel I would have accomplished more with an arranged marriage
    15% (8)39% (19)26% (27)Vote
  • Arranged marriages are NOT for me
    84% (46)55% (27)70% (73)Vote
  • I don't know what an arranged marriage is
    1% (1)6% (3)4% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I never want to get married, but I'll be answering this question in general, okay.

    I am not against marriages, or arranged marriages as such and it's not wrong to have an arranged marriage but then I don't see any logic in arranged marriages, why? that's because according to me arranged marriages are rather reactive in nature, in most arranged marriages you don't even know the person before marriage and so you are totally in an uncharted territory, so one has to start from scratch and so you are placing in a reactive situation, because you start to get to know the person after marriage only and I see no logic in it.

    You said something about ruled being laid out, okay, but then do you really want to follow the rules being laid out by your elders for your life, I mean don't you believe in making your own rules for your life, or your married life? okay, I am not saying that you shouldn't follow the rules laid out by elders, if you are fine with that then it's okay. It's your choice.

    Both love marriages and arranged marriages have their advantages and disadvantages, after nothing is perfect, one has to work towards making their relationship perfect, I mean perfect according to them. However on a personal level, I see no logic in arranged marriages, I mean I can't even imagine being with someone whom you don't know before marriage and someone you don't love. However some people don't mind having arranged marriages so that's okay.

    I believe in love, true love and so I do believe in love marriages and if both partners work together even love marriages can be extremely successful.

    This is only my view.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In my opinion, if you really want to be an adult your parents need to stop making decisions for you. You need to make some mistakes so you can learn from them that is how you mature, your parents can't do everything for you. Even if it is an arranged marriage the "rules" are not all neatly laid out, you come up with your boundaries and agreements in a relationship as it progresses. You can not possibly factor in all the variables of the other person's personality to come up with a tidy little set of rules before you even know them! I can assure you it is not the fairy tale you think it is, I have a muslim friend who had an arranged marriage at 18. Her parents found the "best guy" they could and thought he was a good match for their child. Then he started beating the shit out of her two months into their marriage, so now she's a divorcee at only 19. Thank god she never got pregnant with his children because then she would have had ties to a very abusive terrible man. Her parents feel horrible and may never forgive themselves, and she's traumatized for life now! You need to rely on your own instincts and get to know a person for YEARS before you commit to something as serious as marriage. My boyfriend and I have had disagreements but we always work through it and by the time we get married we will be an unstoppable team who are really in sync because we know each other so well. Marriage should be a reward you give each other for having worked hard and building a strong relationship together as a team.

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What Guys Said 21

  • No way.. arranged marriages like still performed in India are repulsive to me. It's silly how they claim oooo look how successful our marriages are, low divorce rate, it's like will no fuck.. if they divorce the family will dishonor and probably disown them lol, so weird.

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    • Or set them on fire, cover them in acid, etc.

    • @9mfeo haha, ya, better to kill them to dishonor the family legacy *eyeroll*

    • For the record, the odds of those things occurring are about as high as an American teenager shooting up a school.

      More likely is that they'd just face social ostracism.

  • Absolutely not for me. I just don't see me being happy with someone else's idea of whom I should spend my life with. I agree that the dating scene isn't anywhere near a fun place to be , but I trust my instincts more than anyone else's when it comes to choosing a SO

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  • "Arranged marriages are NOT for me" unless the girl is hot with a bubbly personality then bring her ass here!!!

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    • Right? Lol.
      It's like, Fuuuuck that... wait... her? let's give this a shot.

    • @rjroy3 LMAO those are the girls who I go for IRL anyway (they're usually goofy also). So if they (parents) tried to set me up with a legit rated 8 with a stacked body who came from a good home... yeah... no bitching here^_^.

      You'd probably do the same thing, right? Ya know just with a girl that you'd usually go for personality wise.

    • Exactly. I think most people get hung up on the idea that arranged marriages are lesser, because they feel those people couldn't find someone good without it. But they never think about their parents actually picking someone good that you'd at least be willing to date

  • i feel that i would be a million times more at ease if i had an arranged marriage, but then i wouldn't have experienced my two loves, an even though those times sorta hurt and are hard to think about their experiences an memories i wouldn't trade, dont you think it would be better if life was a just unpredictable? its what makes it interesting, an as easy as an arranged marriage would be, i think you lose those experiences cause everything's sorta planned out, i dont know it sounds nice but boring

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  • You are totaly wrong. If you have to work hard at your relationship and marriage then you are with the wrong person. Most people are in unsuitable relationships. My and my partner have never even had an argument or disagreement, our relationship and our love just flows perfectly, our sex life is out of this world and it's just amazing being with her.

    You don't find that by being told who to be with and "working hard". Nor do you find it by just settling with the first "decent guy" that comes along. You need to reevaluate your perception of marriage.

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  • Yeah, totally not for me. I'll arrange my own marriage, thankyouverymuch.

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  • I really appreciate your thoughts on this. And although in my youth I would have said you're crazy for such an idea. But given the ways of the world and how society is turning everyone in to promiscuous whores. An arranged marraige kind of makes a little more sense.

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  • I really believe that the philosophy of the arrange marriages are solid. I personally wound not want it, but again I will consider it. Nowadays relationships are based on feeling alone; and feelings can change, so do the people. Instead of being in a relationship 100% people just do 50%.

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  • Lol my parents keep wanting to set me up with a nice Mexican (our home country) or Russian bride. I just tell them "I'd rather fall in love first". Don't want the insecurity of wonder if it's love or a contract

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  • No thanks I can a girl on my own I don't need someone else to be forced on me

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  • Unless they found someone that looks like Sara Underwood, Kate Beckinsale or Meagan Good... no.

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  • It's probably the only way I'd get into a relationship but... No.

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  • I see your point, but what if you didn't like the guy.

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  • It makes it easier when you can't find someone but what if you fall in love with someone else?

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  • i agree with you sister

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  • I would give it a try

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  • Only if I get to have sex everyday.

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  • Lol at all the westerners in this thread having almost no clue what they're talking about...

    "Arranged" is just another word for "mommy and daddy find a person of roughly your caliber, and see if you like him/her". It's more of a matchmaking service (through common friends and friends of friends) than anything else.

    Source: I know a few dozen people who had "arranged" marriages.

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  • Arranged marriages go on all the time. A mom says go for him he has money and a future. Dad says you're not marrying him he's too old for you. That's called arranging.

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  • The idea of my mom and dad picking a wife for me would scare me stiff.

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  • As a virgin in my late 30's, I must say yes, I would love to have an arranged marriage, but only if I like the girl.

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What Girls Said 27

  • "Because the rules are laid out. You know that no matter what you and this person will respect each other and set goals together."

    Uh-huh.

    Grass, greener, etc.

    You know that no matter what, you're... stuck together. That's it. Stuck together.

    If you happen to get paired with the sociopathic, addictive abuser, well... you're stuck together. Because, in those cultures? Hon, you don't leave. You can't. You're stuck.

    You are not even thirty years old yet.

    Not even thirty.

    The grass is not any greener on the other side. It's grass.

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  • I've often thought this. As long as you could turn it down if the person wasn't right for you of course.

    But at least you know that there would be someone there for you that would have your back no matter what and not have to continue to date time wasters.

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    • "As long as you could turn it down if the person wasn't right for you of course."
      Then you might as well just date.

  • I've found dating/having solid relationships to be easy, enjoyable, and fun.

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  • There's no guarantee that an arranged marriage would be any better than a conventional marriage. It's a relationship- you can be totally wrong for one another. Without dating someone, you wouldn't have an idea of your personal compatibility.

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  • "You know that no matter what you and this person will respect each other and set goals together."
    Uuhhh no, there's no such guarantee. You could end up with some abusive asshole who just acts nice in front of his/your parents, but behind closed doors beats the shit out of you, or verbally abuses you.

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  • Absolutely not. I would not trust someone to just pick out a guy that could be an absolute shit head for me to marry. I marry for love not for convenience.

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  • "
    Dating is hard and it sucks. I have dated men... built them up and helped them with their dreams. What did I get after their goals were reached? Nothing and here I am alone.
    " I see your point you have to go through a couple of frogs before you get your prince.
    "(People have marriage all wrong these days. Marriage isn't about a fancy wedding. Marriage is about dedication, hard work, and respect. Marriage is something you have to work at everyday, like a business). " I agree with this but also a marriage doesn't guarantee success in a relationship.

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  • I'm not against the idea. My parents kind of got married this way and they love each other) but I don't think it's personally for me. I would rather find my man by myself.
    Arranged marriages definitely have their virtues.

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    • I want to precise that there is a big difference between arranged and forced marriages.

  • No wtf, I come from a culture where arranged marriage is so deeply rooted its part of a compulsory tradition which is fucked up. My religion lets me exercise my freedom to pick a spouse but my culture is all like "nah this is who we think is best for you". I hate that. I get that love can sometimes seem superficial but I would never want to be arranged to marry someone that I do not know.

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  • And you can't stay with someone in the same housee with no lovee im not talking about respect bc of course he should respect you and plan for a life together but lovee isn't easy you can't force yourself to love somone thats a problem i think most arranged marriages will lead to divorce bc noone accept to marry a person with someone's choice

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  • You are 28 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Prince charming may come in 35. Right now you feeling bad about everything your entire life. Relax. Life turns on a dime. John Lennon said, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." You cannot connect the dots going forward but you will be able to when you retrospectively looking backward. Good luck

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  • fuck no! that works in the third world, not here.

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  • the thing i dont agree with is: "like a business"

    like a business no. a full marriage needs love

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  • Fuck no
    filler

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  • No, I was very happy to choose my husband.

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  • no my mother and i do not see eye to eye on who i should marry

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  • I'm glad I don't have an arranged marriage. I want to marry a guy because I love him, not because my psychotic family members are acting like used car salesmen and trying to pawn me off to the richest sucker.

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  • nay.. i prefer to find someone i love and choose to be with him by my own decision

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  • It could be nice lol I know my parents would never lead me astray :)

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  • How arranged? There are also these type of marriages where people who know singles who are looking to get married, introduce them to each other and they get to know each other and date with marriage in mind for a few months to a year and then get married or split.

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  • The marriage being arranged doesn't mean the other person will be respectful, faithful, etc.

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  • It's the only way someone would marry me.

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  • People here obviously have little to no idea what an arranged marriage is. Both sides agree to the marriage and can get to know one another well or refuse to marry. It's not forced or always with a stranger as it's like a friend introducing you to a potential date. Despite what people say or think these marriages work better on the whole than western adulterated marriages.

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  • I don't want to get married :D

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  • It's not for me, since I don't plan on getting married.

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  • Not me. What if I don't find him attractive? What if we're not compatible?

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  • i agree with everything you said... but I don't know if i would go as far as an arranged marriage

    around her (when i was younger at least) there was no bf\gf crap. people got to know eachother during engagements months/years and they work on building their new home together and work hard on the relationship and after the engagement period is over they are married

    it;s the islamic way too, get to know eachother during the engagement period (NOTHING sexual, no lovey dovey) just pure "getting to know" kind of way, see how they think what they are like as humans and future partners... etc like get to know them, love aside
    and then if all is good you get married and all the lovey dovey touchy touchy starts (xD i sounded like a perv)

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