How do I get my fiance back?? help please!!!!

I have been in several relationships

that were completely toxic leaving me scarred and and scared! then I met the most amazing man, we got together, got engaged, and he begged me to move in with my 2 little girls. things seemed to be great. like he had nothing to hide. I was on cloud nine. he does work with a lot of women in his profession so I would ask what's up with that when one would send a text or call late.. he would answer and I would leave it alone. well apparently this bothers men. to be accused of things they are not doing. he told me he cannot deal with it and refuses to do it again (his last relationship she never trusted him) I have tried to apologize and told him I would never look at the phone or question him again if things could go back to the way they were before. he says he needs time. he says that the accusations to him and distrust are the same to him as I would feel if he were to cheat on me...we live together. I cannot move out due to my kids being enrolled at school and finances. where do I go from here? I love him and want him back...he says just be his friend right now, but how do I do this? I want him back so badly...i am regretting everything I ever said...please help me! thank you


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Give him time. Really, when a man says "I need time" just say "Okay." We tend to not lie about that. Talk to him now, because you've made a mess of it, and just make things official; ask him how he feels, tell him you will give him the time and space he needs ( and leave it at that ) and just be there for him and let him be there for you. Explain yourself ( tell him of your past ) and express your reasons ( reasoning with him will go far ) and apologize for not taking into account his past and ensure that you are not "her" not by repetition and crying but by calmly saying so. Acknowledge that both of you have been in sh*tty relationships and make amends during that conversation saying that both A) you realize he is not your horrible ass boyfriends and is a good man and B) you are not his horrible girlfriends and will not mistreat him or distrust him.

    Then let him think on it.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Hi,

    I will be frank here.

    Why do you regret yourself for being yourself?

    It's common for women to be jealousy and wonder where their princes have gone or are doing. (no insult or degrading intended)

    It's common for women to want to know about their guys work.

    If the guy FEELS threatened or not trusted.. then.. you've gotta be careful for your own future.

    A gentleman rarely uses his feeling in taking decision and action.

    Based on your story, he FEELS that you don't trust her.

    As long as he uses his feeling and sensitive most of the time, I don't think your relationship is going to be full of romance or cherishment. I foresee lots of jealousy and battlefields in which no one knows what they are fighting for.

    Just want to let you know what you are facing now and in the future.

    This is one of the many possible solutions that I can propose to you (it works for my friends):

    If you want your relationship to be better, then you have to learn to think like a man.

    Why? Because your guy tends to use his feeling and emotion instead of logics.

    That means, you need to learn on how to be reasonable and not using your feeling

    If you ask him this kind of question, you need to prepare a reason or excuse why you ask him that.

    That's just 1 solution.

    I believe many people in this site can propose other solutions to your case.

    Hope this helps.

    Cheers,

    FS

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  • Things will be alright, he just needs time to cool down. "Be his friend" means that he just wants you to be supportive and understanding of how he feels. Don't only go and tell him sorry, tell him you understand how he feels and how you meant no disrespect or mistrust. Ask yourself though, if it was a guy calling or texting, would you ask what was up? If so, then explain to him that you are just curious of his life. If you wouldn't ask, then ask yourself why are you curious, maybe he has a point about the mistrust. Is there any reason to mistrust him? He seems to have issue with people being in his business. Just like you have a scarring past, he might as well. Lastly, he could be cheating, but I doubt it given that you live with him and are/were engaged.

    Bottom line, calm down, understand him, and be supportive. He proposed after all, he obviously cares, and you're suppose to be his best friend in life.

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  • This is pretty serious. I suggest that you both think about finding a relationship therapist to help you both work through the issues you have both brought with you from earlier relationships. You both have to be very strong now for your little girls: you have made a choice to move in and you need to give them a home. They will pick up on the tensions at home if you're not super careful.

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