My parents are married and have been for 30 years.
I have an incredible relationship with my father and want him to walk me down the isle.
My mother and I never had a strong relationship. We only just recently got to the point where we could tolerate each other. Our relationship in the past has included a lot of instances of her reducing me to tears over rather minor offenses (didn't load the dishwasher correctly, didn't fold the clothes right, was late to places, etc.) I admit that I messed up a bit growing up but nothing major. I got a few bad grades but I was mostly an A student. But if I got less than an A I'd get ripped a new one. I thought maybe we were building a relationship with each other at last but I recently learned that she has been hacking my personal email and facebook, and opening mail that has accidentally been delivered to her house but was addressed to me.
Just in case you're wondering... those are straight up illegal things to do. I'm pretty livid about it.
I am also engaged and planning a wedding (April 2016). It's almost completely planned.
But I am so furious with this recent discovery of her actions that I want to cancel the wedding and just go to a courthouse and get married. I'd still want my dad there though so I'd ask him to be one of my witnesses.
Is it wrong?
Since I've gotten engaged she's really tried to build a relationship with me. She always lamented the fact that her friends have gushed about the awesome relationships they have with their daughters and she could never relate.
But I'm so angry with her.
Can I cancel the wedding and just do the courthouse thing? Or should I go through with the formal wedding?
My parents have agreed to pay for the wedding and the majority of it is already paid for and I would feel very bad that my dad was out all that money and I'd feel bad that I denied my fiancee a wedding (something he really wants) but I don't want to get married with her there and I despite how mad I am, I don't want to extend her the very public embarrassment of not being in attendance at a public wedding.
Most Helpful Guy
Well it's your choice, if you don't want her there, you can not invite her. It doesn't make you a bad person. I think it's probably a good thing that she's trying to make things better. But her presence will cause you anxiety on at your wedding, don't let her come.
Also congratulations. I'm also getting married in April. Good luck and best wishes to the two of you.0
Most Helpful Girl
I say you invite yr father, only. Not yr mother.
I'm sorry, but, yr father is either a pushover or an enabler. He can't possibly be unaware that yr mother treats you the way she does... and you can't possibly be the only one she treats that way, either.
This is yr day. It's the beginning of a whole new life for you. She is the bane of yr old life, and you are well and truly in the right to leave her behind.
Leave this decision on yr father. If he's going to keep being her enabler, and/or is going to keep NOT standing up to her unacceptable childish bullshit behavior, then his ass stays home, too.
I'm sorry, honey. This is not going to be easy for you. But the way things are now, yr father is just a satellite to yr mother's narcissistic bullshit. It's good that the two of you nominally get along, but HE needs to get out of her shadow, too. If he can't, then -- as much as it breaks my heart to say this -- yr gna have to throw out that baby along with the bathwater.
Leave the ball in his court. He can continue being the enabler for a narcissistic bitch, or he can man up for his own and his daughter's sake.0