My dad might be leaving my mom after 20+yrs of marriage. He's not sure what he wants. What can I do to help him stay?

My mom is an amzing and beautiful women. My mom still loves my dad. He still loves her too she said. Lately, he has been talking to another women. My mom told him to stop texting her and he said no. He still comes home at night, but I feel like he's not going to soon. He said he wants space, so thats what my mom is giving him. It just makes me upset that my dad didn't want to stop texting the other women. All I want to do is cry. I don't know what my dad wants that my mom can't provide. I don't look at him the same for the time being. I just hope they fix things. all I can do is pray for them. Is there anything I should do to help or should i just stay out of things? Any advice or similar stories you can share?

Updates:
Thanks everyone, but my dad apologized after not giving my mom any answers or anything.

0|0
7|14

Most Helpful Guy

  • There's no love when one has a foot in two boats.
    The only resolution is for mom to kick dad out.
    Only then will he be confronted with the reality of the other gal working out or not.
    If not, then dad will not stray again, problem solved. + mom will cater to him more often & stop saying NO to his needs (that others don't object to fill).
    If gone forever, then mom has a chance to find love w/o a tar baby scaring off prospects & not loving her.

    What you want can't be selfish in this case, it happens after kids are grown and parents "finally free" to be more self serving... happy. The only things you can do is superficial, e. g. invite them to dances & socials that renew their romance & eventually alone time. Otherwise, your involvement in years of struggle, sacrifice turned into a battle with confusion will only inflame things and could turn them on you.

    What your dad may want is a woman more willing to satisfy him for a change. Many women will accommodate him, since they are free of the baggage he loaded mom down with. He sees no way to unload mom but wishes she was the gal fulfilling him, not others.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's easier when your parents get along even if they aren't together.

    Whether they split or stay together has nothing to do with you and pretty much nothing you do can fix it if things are already broken.

    My parents split after six months of marriage (engaged for three years). It's been eighteen years and only for the last two have they been speaking and getting along again.
    If they'd stayed together I'd have known what broken felt like from a much earlier age.

    You don't hear this very often, but sometimes split parents are a god send. Sometimes they should never have got together, and it's great when they realise that. Even if they've had kids together.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 13

  • There is nothing you can do for them. Just be the loving and supporting daughter to them, as you as always have being towards them. People think love is always the key to happy relationship, its not. It takes a lot more than love for a relationships to work, sometimes loving someone isn't enough to keep someone, or to be with them.

    We all just have to accept no matter how long our parents have being together, they are human beings as well, they make mistakes, they don't always make the right decisions, they don't always the answers, as much as we would like to think.

    Your 19 years old, so your old enough to understand to try keep them together if they are not unhappy. If your dad doesn't want to be with your mum any more, that doesn't make a bad man, or a bad father. Maybe he wants something different out of life to your mum, that doesn't make a bad person. that's just life, people sometimes grow a part.

    I would being mean to your dad, you only have one dad, now if has being good to you, and supported you all his life and loved you. How you are going to feel, if something were to happen to him? I can tell you, your not going to be in a very good place with a the grief and plus the guilt.

    Just carry on, and do the best to sort your own life out, they have lived their lives, your parents have being through more bad times, then you had hot dinners. Don't worry about them to much, they can take care of themselves. All they want you do, is to be happy, and do well for yourself, and give them respect they deserve, for giving you life the life, you have lived so far.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well this is strange, you said your father loves your mom and your mom also loves your dad, but then to me it seems like the feelings your mom is one sided, your father probably doesn't feel the same anymore, It's really surprising that even after 20 years of marriage this is happening, surely something is wrong somewhere, I mean if you have loved someone for so long, for so many years, you surely wouldn't do anything to hurt them and your father clearly is being inconsiderate to your mom's wishes to stop texting that woman, I am not sure what reasons he may have or to the fact whether it's only limited to texting or is he actually meeting that woman on a regular basis.

    Please don't misunderstand me I am not saying he is cheating, he might be just meeting the other woman because he enjoys her company. I am just putting forward a possibility.

    Surely something is very wrong somewhere otherwise after 20 years of marriage something like this happening is highly unlikely.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Your parents are both grown adults. They've managed to stay together for this long and managed to raise a loving daughter. They may had some underlying problems you were probably unaware off and by having him vent and air it out might make him change his mind, but if this is true, the marriage may had been over long before you heard the horrible news. I know you love your parents, but can you really be happy seeing your parents miserable if they stayed together again for 20+ years fighting?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, they'll be better off building a happier relationship than staying together for your selfish desires.

    " I don't know what my dad wants that my mom can't provide."
    You don't need to know, it's their relationship. Not your fault either.

    "my mom would never do anything to hurt him "
    You can't know this. Maybe their sex life was complete shit.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well its quiet tragic but you can become a bond between them in this situation. Talk to your dad. Ask him the reason behind this all. You have told that your dad still loves your mom, then there could be some financial problems or lack of bonding between you guys i mean all of the family members.
    Moreover instead of asking him to stop texting her, you should pay attention and ask him that why is he doing this all? After knowing the reason, try to solve it. I am sure that if he really loves your mom and your family, he will definitely leave that girl and become your loving dad like before. My best wishes and sympathies are with you. One thing more i wanna say that don't get depressed. You must have stayed strong and play your role to the best. Remember one thing your mom and dad needs you. :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • I know this seems stupid but get him to talk to me if possible. I can generally talk sense into such situations

    0|0
    0|0
  • To be honest they have to sort things out for themselves. Your Dad is probably at that funny age where he's trying to rediscover his youth. To be further honest, 20 years of marriage is pretty good.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I have no freaking idea. I think there should be so eel big.. No.. gigantic reason to back off from 20 years of marriage esp when you have a kid.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Try to invite him for dinner at a nice place , try to let him talk about anything that annoys him aand try to tell him how ure mom is gorgeous and that she spent 20 years with and that both of them went through ups and downs but if he insists then ure homework is to try to support ure mom

    0|0
    0|0
    • I plan to be there for my mom. If he does decide to leave, my plan is to drop out of college and work full-time so i can help her pay bills.

    • Show All
    • @Baggz thank u and yes u must support her emotionally , so u got to be the best thats how u can support her

    • Good to hear. So make sure you remove that idea from your head and finish college 😊

  • Girl, it's already over and has been for a long time.

    0|1
    0|0
  • your mom did something that hurt your dad go find out

    0|1
    0|0
    • my mom would never do anything to hurt him

    • Show All
    • cause I've been in the same situation long relationship, someone fucks up or says the wrong thing and BAM!!! it starts to go down hill, I don't know what your mom did but if he was with her for 20+ years it means he actually cares or cared, right now he's not sure of his feelings there all over the place anger, anxiety, loss of focus. and guys hold on longer than women do so get ready

    • my mom would never leave me and my siblings. She loves us too much and my mom loves my dad too. See my parents aren't arguing, or fighting. They are being adults about this and just giving each other space. See and no one knows if he is unhappy or what he wants. He won't tell anyone how he feels. We are just going to give him space to figure out what he wants, but my mom still claims that they love each other. They also still give goodbye kisses and stuff. So I don't know what he wants. Being daddy's girl would be hard on me to see him leave.

  • I gotcha.. tell your dad if he leaves your mom that he could be committing adultery

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maintain a relationship with both, and see.

    Maybe this is all on him, but my suspicion is there are big parts of how your mom and dad are together that you're not privy too. You don't know.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • I don't see why you'd want your father to stay in a marriage where he's unhappy-- which will lead to more fights etc. I know you want to keep your family together but if they're not happy and your mum isn't getting the same respect from your father that she gives him, then she shouldn't have to put up with it. My parents divorced when I was younger, I have siblings as well it wasn't only me, my mum is a good person however he cheated on her, I didn't look at him any less to be honest because what he does in his marriage does not reflect the type of father he is.

    0|0
    0|0
    • See my parents aren't arguing, or fighting. They are being adults about this and just giving each other space. See and no one knows if he is unhappy or what he wants. He won't tell anyone how he feels. We are just going to give him space to figure out what he wants, but my mom still claims that they love each other. They also still give goodbye kisses and stuff. So I don' know what he wants. Being daddy's girl would be hard on me to see him leave.

    • Show All
    • I know, but it'll be hard seeing him with someone else.

    • It will be hard However, these things happen.

  • Honey, this is between them. You can't do anything to help. If they're both unhappy, it might be best for them to be apart.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I dont think there is anything you can do to help. Its pretty impossible to help your parents because they will just do what they want. Its a sad situation but I guess just be there for your mum and be supportive

    1|0
    0|0
  • Your mom wants big black cock so go get her some from a black guy you know.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 0|1
    0|0
  • My parents were together almost 40 years when this happened. Almost the exact same situation. Honestly, stay out of it. They're your parents, and that's the relationship you have with them, their romantic relationship is separate. Do not let your relationship with either of them sour because of this, it has nothing to do with the kids, it's a problem in their relationship. You can voice your opinions and let your dad know how you feel, you can support your mother, but don't get too involved.

    1|3
    0|0
Loading...