Is there a point to marriage after 40?

Okay I got into a discussion over this and my question is what's the point in marriage after 40? Really after any age where kids are no longer a realistic option or consideration and you both have your own lives set up the way you want? I was raised to believe that marriage is about building something together so what can be built after this time in your lives?

Yes it comes also from my own life that I don't know and am beginning to think I should not and will not date until I have my own place and have it set up how I want. (Farms take quite a few years to set up right unless you've got a lot of money to throw at it on too of buying the ace). Once I reach that point though what would be the point? Is marriage really about building something together or is it all just about passing the time together with no regard to what you do with it. (I. e. You have no kids together, you would have to compromise on a place etc.)

Updates:
Replying to more than one - that's why I'm asking. I'm trying to choke down the crushing fear of being alone forever that well if I'm single at 40 or even 35 (and I have a kid) I don't know how we could get married. I wouldn't want to sell my farm and house that (by then) I've built from the ground up, made it what it is - to go live with him (or him vice versa) then say one of us died and the child of that person is screwed out of their inheritance. I know I can't look for it or be desperate.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're looking at marriage in the wrong way. Marriage isn't just about becoming dependent on someone else. It isn't about giving up the things you're most passionate about, and it certainly isn't just about popping out a bunch of kids.

    Marriage is about announcing to yourself and to everyone around you that you've found someone you are comfortable with to share the most sacred parts of your life with. Marriage is about revealing to someone else, typically the only other person in life that would know, the most intimate, personal, and private things about yourself.

    You are literally there to be with a person that you are so comfortable with in life that he will know everything about you - almost everything. There's nothing better than being in a relationship where you don't have to always wash yourself first before hugging and kissing, where you don't have to worry about whether your hair is messed up or whether you have grool coming out of your woohoo or not.

    The man you choose should be the man that loves you no matter what your gross parts are or even your best parts. You will laugh with him, cry with him, get mad at him, but at the end of the day you will curl up to him and feel comforted knowing that there is one other person that you can share every part of your life with - things that you'd always have to bottle up inside of you otherwise.

    That's what marriage is all about to me. There is a point to it after 40. There's nothing better than knowing someone and being known by someone in that way.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel you. I think of the point of marriage is family too, if not for having kids why not just be live in boyfriend-girlfriend forever. I am married and my Husband is the love of my life and I can't wait to get old and watch our kids get old, and maybe babysit our Grand-kids if we have some but if something happened and I was back on the market. I'd finished raising my kids and then I'd probably consider getting a room-mate (a like-minded female) to talk to at night, grow old with, travel with and what not, but yeah I wouldn't see the point of marriage at that point. Let them have theirss and me have mine at that point. You figure at 40, 45, 50 you should be pretty established & if your able to stand on your own what really are the advantages just make sure you have a will and a living will to make sure your wishes are respected. I'd love to have a room-mate and just date at that point, best of both worlds... why not?

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What Guys Said 14

  • Marriage isn't about reproducing. It's about two people pledging their lives to each other. That can occur at any age.

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  • That should be fine, there is nothing wrong with getting married after 40. plus it all depends on the person also, like if they are getting married to only be with the one they love, then it should be just fine

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  • "I was raised to believe that marriage is about building something together so what can be built after this time in your lives?"

    A loving relationship for the rest of your lives?

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  • I'm 30 and single and I want to get married to be a dad and have a partner. But I see your point, if I'm 40 and no kids to raise why get married? Sex is one option or not to be alone, but I see myself upset if I never have a son or daughter I really have that as a life goal.

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  • Marriage is something you do for love not out of necessity, so it depends on your circumstances at the time.

    For me.. I am not ready to settle down again yet, but my girlfriend can be rest assured there is no one but her. It is just how I roll!

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  • There's lots of reasons for getting married after 40, and children are only part of that. Have you never heard of being in love? As for the child losing their inheritance, that's what wills are for.

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  • First major reason -- laws that give financial privileges to married couples that are not available to singles. Better tax rates -- married vs filing jointly as incomes change over your lifespans, passing inheritance from one to the other with no penalty. Better Social Security privilieges (e. g. survivor benefits). The ability to be added to a spouses health plan through an employer for a cut rate. The list goes on and on. Second major reason -- someone to lean on as health fades for one of you. This is a bit of Russian Roulette, because the other individuals health could fail first. On the other hand, by pairing up, there is a guarantee that the sum of the quality of life for both of you will be higher than average.

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    • PS I can't imagine starting a farm *without* a spouse! How are you going to do the huge amount of work on the farm alone? Don't you need that other person either to do required work or to make an outside income to supplement the farm's income as it grows?

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    • I'm sure you're doing your best. Don't beat yourself up too much. My Dad raised me alone, and I turned out ok (I think...).

    • Thankyou it's nice to hear - I certainly am trying! And I'm sorry for the circumstances that led to that but always so so thankful to hear about people not turning out deranged psychopaths from a one parent home. Go read JudgyBitch sometime and compare the articles on Single Moms/vs Dads dating lol maaaaajor double standard

  • Marriage means different things to different people. I don't see a problem after 40. I think its really nice just to have someone who care and love you.

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  • I think it would be about you really liking a person so you marry them as a way of saying, look, its just me and you and lets just go out and do everything together.

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  • Well, I'm "only" 27 so I wouldn't worry about it, yet. Too many bees in your mind flying around at one time.. buzz buzz.. not a good thing.

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  • i think its better for a guy by far at this point. having kids mainly depends soley on the womans youth not his. he's fine until 70

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  • tax deduction from being married

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  • No problem at all

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  • When I got married, i wasn't sure we'd have children. We did a few years later, and I'm glad of it, but that wasn't the motivation.

    If I were single, i woudln't rush or make huge compromises in terms of what i want out of the relationship, but spending my days and nights when not at work with someone i love, who loves me, matters a hell of a lot more than the walls and floors and kitchen cabinets. At least to me.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Both parties being over 40? Yes I still think there's a point in marriage by that point usually both people will not want children, they're not dead yet not even close so they can still build a home and foundation for their life. Some people only get stable at 40+ and therefor choose to settle down and take a break from working all hours and calm it.

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  • Assuming you've had kids, in most cases they'd all be between 5 and 15 so they're still children and need both parents to guide them and take care of them.

    Life is easier financially if you have two people working together too.

    If you're in love why would you want to get divorced/move on with your own lives separately?

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    • I'm actually a single mother which I'm coming to the conclusion that loves just beyond me now (have to lie in the bed I made). His father is not and will likely never be a part in his life so I'm more worried as he ages (he's 1) that I don't have the right to date let alone dream of marriage simply because of the distress it could cause him for his mom to bring another man into his life.

  • By your reasoning, everyone should get divorced at 40. Marriage is about sharing your life, your experiences and having someone that count on and vice Versa. You are also assuming everything's been built by 40. Not true. People take on new careers, new passions, new and different goals in life. Especially since life expectancies continue to rise.

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  • my mom was 40 when she married my dad (it was her second marriage, i was 13). they've been married 16 years, together for 21.

    me, i likely won't be married until i'm 30-31. i don't plan on having any kids, so it'll just be the 2 of us :)

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  • I think so... who's going to take care of you? Marriage is about more than just kids... it's a partnership. People shouldn't be alone as they age... it helps to go through that process with someone who is also going through the same thing. Passing time together is an important activity, a meaningful one. I wouldn't want to be alone at 40 :x

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  • Is there a point to marriage at any age?

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  • Marriage is about a companionship to someone on a personal level. It has no age limit. Just so as long as you're mature enough to sustain that long term with a person.

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  • My dad is about 50 and recently got engaged. Just because someone is older doesn't mean they have no reason for marriage. I think at that age it's more so to just be able to age and grow old with someone you love instead of spending the remainder of your life alone.

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  • Marriage is about having a companion. Companions naturally build together no matter how old they are, they build through sharing life experiences and working together. You don't have to invest in a huge house and have 5 kids together to "build" together. It can just be you and your husband in a 500 square foot hut for the rest of your lives and as long as you two work together you're "building" together.

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