GUYS: Assuming you want to spend your life with this person, what would you think if your girlfriend proposed to you and gave you an engagement ring?

I'm curious how guys would feel about being proposed to. I may eventually propose to my boyfriend, since I am more interested in actually marrying than he is, though I'm sure he would say yes and he will probably purpose eventually. I doubt he will propose for at least 3 or 4 years, whereas I'd like to get engaged a bit sooner than that (but don't mind waiting if he really really wants to).

I was thinking that I'd buy a ring a year or so from now and if he hasn't proposed in 2 or 3 years, when it feels right, pop the question.

Ladies - your opinions are welcome as well :)

  • I'd love it!
    27% (4)28% (10)27% (14)Vote
  • I'd be taken aback but still say yes
    7% (1)25% (9)20% (10)Vote
  • I'd feel like she took an opportunity away from me, but still say yes
    7% (1)17% (6)14% (7)Vote
  • I'd feel like she took an opportunity from me and I would say no
    7% (1)8% (3)8% (4)Vote
  • I'd be turned right off and break up
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  • I'd say yes but propose back later on with my own ring
    13% (2)14% (5)14% (7)Vote
  • Other
    39% (6)2% (1)13% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
It's not that he wouldn't be ready, it's just that marriage is higher on my want list than his. We plan to buy a house together in a year or so, which he brought up first, and we talk about our lives under the assumption that we will be building our lives together going forward. I don't think it'd matter to him either way whether we got married in 3 years, 5 years or not at all, but he'd be perfectly happy in any scenario.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • To me, if a girl actually did this, I would definitely get hooked!

    1) She defied social norms.
    2) She expressed confidence.
    3) She definitely showed me that fairy tales have a minimal amount of influence on her.

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    • How would you feel about being proposed to?

    • Sorry I thought this was on the other question I asked about just getting him a ring. Haha my bad

Most Helpful Girl

  • I asked a questions similar to this a few years ago. I got a lot of the same responses from guys, they would say not to propose.

    The reasons I got were because it's the one thing out of the whole wedding process that guys get to do. It's something they can plan out.

    I'm all for gender equality and I think there are definitely guys out there who would b ok with you proposing. But proposing to a guy to speed the process a long is a bad idea.

    Plus to me I would feel much more special if I was the person being proposed to because they picked me! Lol. It sounds silly, but that's how I would feel.

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    • I guess for me it comes down to the fact that we both know we want to spend our lives together but I care more about actually getting married than he does. He'd be cool with not bothering to marry and if it was 100% up to him we wouldn't. But he knows I want to marry and he's down with that, but because it's not a priority to him he may not propose for a very long time. I'm not one for the whole dropping hints bs - I'd rather just ask and be done with it. Again, I'm not considering it any time soon, but in a couple years.

    • I say you should sit him down and figure out a time line then for things. That way you can have an idea as to when this is all going to happen. I know that you want to propose to him. But it might make him feel pressured and put on the spot.

      Rather let him do it when he feels the time is right. That way he isn't feeling pressured into it. That's the last thing you want because then he might just leave.

    • Yeah I totally agree. It's definitely not something I would drop on him completely unexpected. I think it's wrong for anyone to propose if it hasn't already been seriously discussed as the agreed upon next step.

What Guys Said 17

  • I'd love it!

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  • I certainly wouldn't say no or dump her or something. That's taking machismo to ridiculous lengths.

    That said, I would *very* much prefer to be the one to propose. I believe I'd say yes and then just plan my own special, surprise proposal.

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  • Guys propose when they're ready. Never rush it.

    Also, girls very frequently "know" they want to get married early on, yet are with guys who do not know (and who cannot be honest about that because the girl is so happy, so looking forward to it, so invested, etc.). Maybe your boyfriend sees you as marriage material; maybe he's sparing your feelings very thoughtfully and believably. You'll know when and if he proposes.

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    • he can say no. if he doesn't want to. there's no good reason for her not to. especially if he's 'soaring' her feelings. that's a euphemism for he's not being honest. I'm sure shed want to know if he was not into it, since she thinks he is.

      there's no rule that women are ready and guys are not, or vice versa. basing actions on something so arbitrary as that is not rational.

  • this is just my personal opinion...

    ladies...

    please dont

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  • Honestly I would rather her not, as I like tradition and I actually want to go down on one knee and ask her myself. I already know how I would do it to and it really is the mans place to propose and this one thing that should remain unchanged. You won't find many men or women who disagree with me on that either.

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    • umm, why did the man have to get down on 1 knee when he was the 1 who had everything way back when? Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

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    • biological superiority. seriously. ok try having a species without women.

    • @Azara I didn't actually mean that I was just going with the flow he's kind of hard to talk to if you don't do it on his level. Biologically men and women are pretty evened out, men have superior strength and women have a superior mental capacity we each have our strengths just in different areas.

  • Assuming I had been contemplating it, it is either B) or F).

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  • Girls operate more on feels than logic, so if a guy proposes, it's a higher chance that he's ready financially, mentally, and emotionally than if a girl do it

    While she definitely gets bonus points for defying norms, It's something I'll have to do

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    • #Girls operate more on feels than logic,

      this its your feeling, not a fact. and I'm sure if she opposed you have time to make sure everyone is ready financially. thats what engagement is for.

      honestly, i think you guys just look for excuses bayou want the control.

    • @Azara Actually, It's proven that women generally operate more on feels than logic, and think more short-term than long term

      I care not for control in a relationship. What am I? 5? This isn't some king of the hill game. Excuses my ass. I'll propose when everything is ready. That's what every day before engagement is for

  • Voted B. Not because I "should" propose, I really don't care, but because my hypothetical girlfriend would know that I don't see a point in marriage, and thus don't expect to ever marry.

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  • You sound like a really nice girl and you mean well but please don't do that.

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    • Why not?

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    • I'm 100% sure he'd say yes. I'm just not sure if he would feel like maybe he missed out on the opportunity to propose to me.

    • That is my whole point. In my mind I've already know how I'm going to propose even though thats not going to happen any time soon. But if my girlfriend jumps up and pop the question I'll be disappointed.

  • As an old man with traditional ideas I'd rather she waited for me to propose. A girl can always drop some hints if she wants to be asked.

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    • you want to propose and not drop hints right? its completely different experience. so you can imagine how she might not prefer to drop hints. I'm not saying you can't hassle your preference , but having your preference. why would you assume shed be happy with something you would not. i don't mean the asker, I'm speaking hypothetically. bc i don't think the asker cares too much aboutasting per se, just had reasons for it. but what your girlfriend felt as you did in looking forward to proposing...

      its interesting in things like this, where person see their position as reasonable or obvious but can't understand in another person,. you assume the only reason former proposing is so you can know how she feels, which she can accomplish by hinting. but thats not what happens when a person process. its not just exchanging information, its taking responsibility for your life, and being accountable for another, as you know, or you'd be happy just to just drop hints.

    • hinting is about dependence and wishing and passivity. proposing about responsibility and action and taking a risk.

  • Relationship over.

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    • Seriously? You'd walk away from the woman you love because she proposed? I can understand it not being your preference or being disappointed not to get to propose to her, or even not wanting to get married, but you'd leave her over it?

    • I would.

  • I would rather she not do it since I want to decide

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    • proposing is not decision,. you can decide when she proposes. you can say yes, or no.

  • I'd tell them I'd devote my life to them but I see no point in marriage. Our relationship should be a bond held by love and hard work not a bond held by the fear of divorce financially ruining me.

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  • I voted c. I love the enthusiasm and courage and denying social norms, but for what ever reason this is one thing I want to do and I'd be sad I couldn't do it because I like big proposals and making grand gestures in relationships, and this is the biggest one of them all.

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  • I would say no, and probably rethink marrying her

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    • What culture is that?

    • Serbian

  • I would prefer not to but I would not say no if I really wanted to be with her. By the way don't do it.

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  • A mix of A and B.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Don't get me wrong, I'm all for girls proposing, I think it's a very bold move. But if you're saying that he's not going to be ready for another few years, it almost feels like he'd be obligated to say yes, as not to hurt your feelings or something like that. Of course I could be looking at it all wrong, it just seems like more of an "impatient" move rather than a matter of who proposes first. I hope you don't take any of that into offense.

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    • I can see how it came off that way. No, it's not that he wouldn't be ready, it's just that actually arrange is higher on my want list than his. He'd be cool with never bothering to get married and just living together for the rest of our lives. We plan to buy a house together in a year or so, which he brought up first, and we talk about our lives under the assumption that we will be building our lives together going forward. I don't think it'd matter to him either way whether we got married in 3 years, 5 years or not at all, but he'd be perfectly happy in any of those cases. Make sense?

    • Oh okay, well when you put it like that it makes a lot more sense :)

  • Remember Ladies.. This is a Leap Year!

    media.irishcentral.com/.../...-proposal-iStock.jpg

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  • i would just hint a lot

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