If there's no infedility or any abuse, what would make you divorce?

And would you think it's justifiable? Wouldn't it be against your marriage vows?

I've read people considering divorce from boredom and feelings going away. Isn't his normal when you're with the same person for 10 yrs?

It's disturbing, people these days.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Feelings going away is a legit reason for divorce. Why stay with someone you don't love anymore? But boredom could be fixed I think.

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    • All feelings fade. This is why smart people settle down with people who have a character to be kind and loving to everyone. Not someone who acts lovey during the honeymoon phase or little after.

      Love fades is what you don't get. I've interviewed a bunch of marred couples for a project and I can tell you most people have the wrong idea of how a good marriages looks like. They have a fantasy as their ideology. Why do you think the vows say for better or worse?

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    • The funny part is you say this and my sister is getting married in 5 years when she's 25. Her fiancée is an abusive manipulator but my sister believes she's in love regardless of what my mother has told her. She's even rushing through school for this wedding. If that's not a clue that people are marrying too fast and for the wrong reasons then I don't really know what is.

    • thanks. well i wish good luck to her. I've seen woman stand by their man even after cheating. once they choose someone as the one, its really hard not to constantly give second tries it seems...

      just make sure its not Stockholm syndrome of savior complex check it out and observe your sis.

      i think marriage is the most iimportant decision of your life. effects you more than the career you choose in my opinion.

What Girls Said 9

  • Have you ever been married? Church vows are for better or worse. My Register Office vows were not. Many people write their own vows these days, which are usually just gushing declarations of love.

    Why divorce? When you can see that being alone and struggling forever is a happier alternative to staying married, when you finish work and spend an hour shivering in the car to avoid going home, when every day is a toss up between arguing or bitter silence then surely staying married is not the answer. Even worse when there are kids. No kid should have to grow up in that kind of environment.

    For me it was all of this. We grew apart. I grew up and he wanted to keep being a teenager. Ever seen a 35 yr old hanging around the 18s at a party thinking their cool but the kids only want them to buy the booze? That was my husband. He spent all our money on cannabis so we couldn't afford to buy food. He spent all day skiving off work to play computer games. I sold everything I had to fix the car so I could work and he wouldn't even cancel the broadband package (the only bill he paid) because he wanted his online gaming.

    What did I do that was so wicked I should have to put up with this for the rest of my life just because of a piece of paper? He wanted a free ride not a wife. It was a mistake. That's the reason most people get divorced. After a while the gold leaf wears off and you realise it's all just a guilded turd.

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    • No but I don't beleive in divorce and looks like marrying the majority of women is a bad idea as u can see here, no one cares about the vow. I don't yet why they promise and break it when they know they'd leave if things get hard.

      Oh ya I forget, they make money from it.

      Marriage is a buisness partnership as well and many women take huge advantage.

      I grew up in the church but looking at today's women and what they offer. I have doubts going down that road as welll.

    • And many women don't. Many women get screwed over in marriages but because of the popular jokes about divorce (e. g. why does Divorce Barbie cost 3x as much as Wedding Day Barbie? Because she comes with the house, the car, the dog...) Everyone thinks it's just the men. Don't get married if it's not for you. Don't blame the women or the vows, just accept it's a way of life

    • Taking the man's money gives them independence and with independence many women wouldn't get married in the first place. Many women don't but majority do. It's a gamble... I will be asking the girl to sign a prenup

  • I can't think of anything, aside from abuse. I have been married for seventeen years. We've been through patches of just about all the things spoken of here; infidelity, boredom, weigh gain/weight loss, multiple serious surgeries and long recovery times, long separations due to military service, alcohol abuse (and recovery, thankfully), dry spells in the bedroom, bouts of depressions, deaths of friends, co-workers and family members, financial problems, car accidents, arguments, religious disagreements, PTSD, and even some weeks where we were both just miserable people. Everyone has good days and bad days. Marry someone you truly love and adore being around... and then stick it out. Find a way. If you feel miserable or your partner feels miserable, turn it around. Because you know who is responsible for your emotions every bit as much as they are responsible for their actions? You are. Both of you.

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  • If he just totally stops trying. Any long term relationship takes work, and if our marriage is in trouble I'll be the first person to suggest marriage counseling or whatever necessary. But if he refuses to make an effort, then I guess we're done for.

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  • Well aside from mental/verbal abuse and cheating, the only other thing that would make me divorce him is if he changed his mind about having kids

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  • I think it would be if we grow totally apart. You're obviously different when you're 20 and when you're 40 and sometimes it affects a marriage too much

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  • I know a couple who were just really not happy. And one day the wife said, "Why are we doing this to each other? Why not just admit it and split up and find someone will make us happy?"

    Smartest thing they ever did.

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  • Extreme lonliness

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    • happens through lack of intimacy, that deep connection...

  • Why spend 40 years being unhappily married to someone you fell out of love with after 10 years...
    You try to make it work but when it's over it's over.
    If your young enough to start over with someone else or even on your own, why wouldn't you take that opportunity?
    Mental health and happiness outweigh marriage vows.

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    • Cause u said u will stay for better or for worse? Cause marriage vows imply forcing urself if circumstances change?

    • Like I said, mental health and happiness outweigh marriage vows!

  • I asked a question about this like a month ago. Look on my profile if U wanna see.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Money is the #1 reason for divorce. While there are contributing factors, financial stress is usually the underlying problem - which makes couples resent each other. As the resentment grows for each other, both people still desire to be loved... so they will go find it in other places with other people.

    While this may sound like infidelity was the cause of a divorce, the breakup happened long ago when money was in short supply. The cheating was just the trigger to ignite the tension that had built up.

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  • Two thing would need to occur.
    It turns into a sexless relationship, and my partner refuses to acknowledge that it is an issue

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    • Sex is huge and both are obligated to saticefy each other when the other wants it. That's my belief.

    • Agreed. Even in the case of medical conditions (say, i lose my penis in a terrible snapping turtle accident) i sure as hell will still go to town on my partner to get her off and satisfied.

      Id like to hope for the same treatment in reversed roles.

    • id still stay with my future wife even if her tit got cut off.

      unfortunately i feel woman generally aren't as loyal. i still feel most marry and date for resources. men lose their jobs or their earnings and i bet many with divroce even after 10 years of marriage.

  • Yeah if she lets herself go and gets super fat then I'm walking.

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